Downward Spiral
by Robin Mask
Summary: When Vegeta begins harming himself Goku swears to keep it secret, but when problems escalate can things ever be so simple . . . ? Discontinued.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

A/N: Just a warning, the story contains some mature topics such as self-harm.  
Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ.

* * *

"You're not even _trying_ Kakarott!"

A sharp blow struck Goku hard in the neck. It took all his strength to stay in the air and not black out from the intense agony; his breath left him instantly and his stomach rolled over from within him, causing the sick to rise in his mouth. What ever happened to 'just a friendly sparring match' that Vegeta promised? His anger rose within boiling in his veins with rage and annoyance. Damn! This was just like him - the Saiyan Prince was taking this _way_ too seriously! Fine, if he that's the way he wanted it . . .

Goku stood still mid-air; his dark eyes searched around for Vegeta, as they found and fell upon the arrogant expression covering the Prince's face, he realised how annoying Vegeta could be. He began fidgeting wildly as he fought to keep his ki under control. There had to be a way to get even with the royal brat. He had the perfect idea – he knew a way he could really get under Vegeta's skin and win . . . A sarcastic smile spread over his lips as he gave a small wave. Quickly he brought his two fingers to his forehead and vanished from view.

Now where'd he go? A low growl emitted from Vegeta's lips almost like a purr, his tail lashed behind him in wild annoyance. He was glad that they'd wished back their tails now, it not only gave them extra power but it made Vegeta all the more confident, reminding him of life on his home-planet. Goku had only agreed to the wish though because he felt it important, that if they ever had to fight a villain as strong as Cell they'd have some extra power, it'dbeen so long since they fought and defeated Cell though that their training was becoming more and more casual, fun and more like a hobby than a chore.

Vegeta's eyes quickly shook from their distraction and began searching for Goku. "Kakarott! Stop cheating! Instant translocation isn't allowed!"

He received no reply as all that followed was an eerie silence; it was if even the birds, animals and wildlife had become deadly still, as if mocking the Prince and his angry comments . . . His obsidian eyes glanced downwards to the ground; the roaring river was the only thing that dared to move, not even the powerful wind touched the miles upon miles of fields and woods. Where had Kakarott gone?

Sensing a ki from behind him he spun around to face his foe. Emptiness.

"Don't play games with me! Show yourself!"

He searched again with his onyx eyes; the dark black sky above camouflaged the entire outdoors, leaving only the half moon and thousands of stars on show. Vegeta pushed a hand through his hair trying to concentrate. Far away he could sense something. Goku. His energy was getting stronger . . . Suddenly Vegeta was plunged forward as a powerful ki blast struck him hard in the back, hitting him hard enough to do some damage. The burning on his back was excruciating. Flying around he faced a smiling Goku with arms extended forward and smoke coming from his hands.

Damn it! Why did that baka have to attack him from behind? Only a coward would do that!

"Oh . . . It's on now."

Goku laughed. "Yeah? Well, we'll see who wins."

Goku dived forward his arm raised in a defensive position as Vegeta came diving full-speed towards him; delivering a flurry of kicks and punches aimed mostly at Goku's head and shoulders, Vegeta's assault made sure to give Goku no chance to guard – taken aback Goku began blocking as best as he could, each punch and kick landing safely in the comfort of Goku's awaiting hands. Goku smiled – it looked like Vegeta was losing, it'd teach him to be so cocky!

Vegeta snarled, this wasn't working; he'd have to try something else . . . His eyes lit up as he spotted a weakness in Goku's blocks; when Vegeta would kick at the sides of hid head, Goku left the front of his face undefended, giving Vegeta the perfect opportunity to hit. Spotting his chance Vegeta sent two strong kicks to Goku's head, blocked as expected with a confident grin from his enemy. Seizing the moment Vegeta sent a powerful punch right at Goku's face, hitting his nose directly.

Blood poured down in great gushes over Goku's body, covering him like a warm blanket. A terrible crunch echoed in his hearing as his vision went black; he glanced down, dizzy and light-headed and saw his orange gi red with blood. The black night and sliver moonbeams made the blood look almost black.

"Well – looks like I win." Vegeta scoffed.

Folding his arms Vegeta dropped back down, leaving a weak, astonished and shocked Goku trying to gather his thoughts. Vegeta landed on the ground below quickly. Goku remained in the air dripping blood . . .

Man that hurt! What was Vegeta playing at? Okay, there was no chance he was going to let him get away with _that_! If he wanted it rough than that's how he'd get it, and Kami Goku would enjoy it! He waited until Vegeta began walking in the direction of Goku's house until aiming an attack – if he hit _just_ right, he could draw some blood from Vegeta too, but not cause any serious damage – he needed to get even and that stubborn, cheating Prince needed to be taught a lesson too. He aimed a powerful ki ball at the Vegeta's shoulder and shot.

Sensing the energy he spun around trying to block the attack, his reflexes were too slow as the ball hit him exactly where Goku aimed. He flew backwards and skidded against the ground, the burn on his back aching as the friction rubbed on it. Eventually he came to a stop, gazing up at the bright light of the moon.

As he stood up he realized the attack had torn his blue, tight-fitting suit, leaving his shoulder and right part of his chest exposed to the night air; blood trickled down over his skin as Vegeta's gloved hand rushed to press against the wound caused by Goku, he pressed hard to stop the blood.

"Thank you _so much _for that Kakarott!" He shouted up at the sky. His voice burnt his throat as livid rage consumed him.

Goku laughed and punched the air. He definitely shown Vegeta what for! Best thing was that Vegeta hadn't won again either! His tail waved behind him as he spun in a circle and looked down, leaning his hands on his knees. "No problem – at least now it's a draw! Call it quits?"

"For now!"

Vegeta cringed as he moved his fingers from the wound, looking at it he could tell that it wasn't that deep, Goku had only drawn blood to get even and not to inflict serious injury, which was lucky, but the large circle-like gash was weeping a lot of blood . . . He gave a sigh as Goku flew back to the ground and began to advance near him. At least Goku was happy enough, despite a possible broken nose.

Taking a closer look at his wound, he flinched at the sight. Hardly any damage except –. Shit! His clothes were torn badly andhis chest was totally revealed. No way – just great. Underneath his shoulder wound were many scars and cuts, _not _obtained in the sparring match. Goku's blast _had _to rip his clothing, didn't it? The last thing he needed was Goku's idiotic questions and ramblings, 'How did you get them, 'Geta?' 'Why haven't you healed them yet, 'Geta?' . . . and the best thing was that Goku had no _right_ to make a big deal (though he surely would), as it was his entire fault!

_Baka – _thought Vegeta.

Goku walked up slowly, holding his nose injury the way Vegeta held his shoulder only trying to keep his head steady. His face was bloody, but under the red a goofy smile could be seen, no way could Goku be _proud_? Neither of them won and they were both injured!

Vegeta shook his head, ignoring his cuts and battle wound, he acknowledged Goku with a nod and gave a sincere suggestion. "Hold your head back, it'll stop the bleeding."

"I know it will, Master Roshi got nosebleeds all the time and that's what everyone told him." He gave a slight laugh at the memory. "I remember this one time that Yamcha had to fight some invisible guy and -. You know what? Never mind, 'Geta."

"Just put your head back."

"I will in a minute! I don't want to do that until I've made sure your okay. Your bleeding as much as I am, I just want to see that I didn't do too much damage to you – Kami!" He jumped back like he'd been given a fright. "What the HFIL happened to you!"

Vegeta glanced down – Goku wasn't as stupid as he gave him credit for. To think he actually noticed what lay on his chest. Great, as if his day wasn't going well already, this was perfect, just perfect.

Underneath the gash Goku had made, Goku noticed what looked like hundreds of slashes and deep cuts etched in Vegeta's skin, some had reopened under the pressure of the ki blast, some were healing well and throughout all of them were many, many scars scattered around.

" _'What happened?'_ " Vegeta repeated Goku's words with a touch of menace, "You hit me with a ki blast -."

"Don't give me that bull! I ripped your shirt yeah, and that gash you got your hand over I did that too, but _all those_? I never did them! They look self-inflicted! How far _down_ do they go? How far _around _do they go?"

"They stop above right above my stomach and stop right at my sides, there are none anywhere else on my body except my chest." Vegeta sighed, he pressed his hand tightly against his shoulder wound, as if trying to comfort himself. His tail tightened around his waist. This wasn't a conversation he wanted, and it was far from important – Saiyans sustained plenty of injuries in battle, why should these be any different? Kami, he wished Goku would leave the subject alone.

"Did _you_ do them, Vegeta?"

"No, I had unprotected sex with a porcupine." He examined Goku's face closely, he knew the naïve fool too well, and as usual his suspicions were correct. He let lose a groan of exasperation and added -. "Of course I did them, moron!"

"But why?"

"Why not?"

Goku's face was the epitome of confusion and pain. He came close to Vegeta and dropped his hand onto the unhurt shoulder, holding him reassuringly despite Vegeta's growling protest. He didn't understand, but something was obviously wrong, for Vegeta to hurt himself like that, something had to be wrong.

"I don't get it Vegeta, why would anyone want to _hurt_ themselves? Do you _enjoy_ it?"

Vegeta glared into Goku's eyes and struck his arm away from his, wincing as he moved. "What do you think I am? Some sort of masochist! Of course I don't bloody enjoy it! What the HFIL do you think I am?"

"Then why do it? I don't understand . . . I – you. Why? It looks like it hurt."

"I don't have to tell you anything! You don't understand! _You _think I do it for _pleasure!_"

"If you'd explain it though, maybe I'd understand . . . I've never known anyone who does that, and that's not exactly something that appears in conversation. I didn't even know people did hurt themselves. . . "

"It may not appear in conversation, but self-harm isn't abnormal Kakarott."

"There's a _name _for it?"

Vegeta gave a low scream and turned away. Kami! What was Goku thinking? Did he think that he was some sort of freak? That it wasn't normal? _'There's a name for it?' _who says that unless their disgusted or confused . . . Kami, this was why he wasn't going to tell Goku. He wouldn't understand!

"Vegeta wait!" Goku flew forward and blocked Vegeta's path, Goku's house was near by and no doubt Vegeta was going to go there to clean his wounds before leaving. Goku reached out to Goku and placed his hand on his shoulder again, this time Vegeta seemed almost comforted. "I guess I said something wrong. I'm sorry. You're not going to talk to me about this though, are you?"

"No." Giving a sigh, he turned his head and moved out of the way, escaping Goku's soft hold. He had to change the conversation some how; he couldn't talk about this much longer. He nodded in the direction of Goku's house. "If we go in there your harpy mate will freak out and probably attack us. You have a broken nose she'll kill me for and I have a bloody shoulder that she'll blame you for. We'd better go to Capsule Corps."

Goku seemed fazed; it was like Vegeta was a sheet of glass and was looking right through him. Capsule Corps. Bulma! Goku's mind raced as he snapped back to reality and looked at Vegeta's cuts. He moved a hand to touch them and pulled back realising Vegeta probably wouldn't appreciate it, he was curious though, he had too many questions and he hurt so much knowing something was wrong with Vegeta and he didn't know what. He wanted to pull back the rest of his clothing and see the rest, see if they needed some sort of healing and how bad they were . . . If he hurt this bad about his friend, Kami would know bad Bulma would feel. . .

"Does – does, Bulma know -?"

"Of course not! You know full well that we broke last year after Bra was born so she hasn't seen my body obviously, besides I _never_ harmed myself when we were together _because_ of the reason that she'd see."

"Yeah, but your still _friends_ with each other, and you still _live_ there in Capsule Corps . . ."

"So? That means nothing. You live with Goten, but he doesn't know all about you and he never sees your body, does he?"

Goku scratched his neck nervously. "Yeah, I guess. What about Trunks though? What would he think if he ever -."

"He's nine, baka! He wouldn't understand and he's so young he'd believe whatever I'd tell him, his sister's barely a year old so that's not even worth mentioning." He paused as Goku struggled for something else to say. "Look Kakarott, we are going to Capsule Corps. I need to get changed _thanks_ to you, and _you _need your wounds healed."

"What about yours?" Goku pleaded.

"If I ask that onna to heal my shoulder then she'll see my cuts. We may no longer be an item but Bulma doesn't know about what I've been doing and she never will, I don't want to hurt her. You're not going to tell her anything either. There is no reason _why anyone_ ever has to know, is there?" He paused.

"You know, it's been so long since we had a real battle Vegeta. . .The last real powerful person we had to fight was Cell, and ever since then we've had peace, no one and nothing has come to Earth to fight us. I thought you and me and our sparring would be fun, you know, a taste of a real battle? I never thought I'd find out something like this from them. Vegeta you need help! Please, talk to me! If not me then Bulma, she knows all about illnesses and problems and things, she could -!"

"No one's ever going to find out! _No one_! You hear me? This is secret and it stays between you and me! It's not important and it's not a problem! There is no reason why anyone should . . ." He shuddered. Goku froze as Vegeta began walking away, leaving his sentence unfinished.

"If that's what you want Vegeta, I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you."

Goku sighed and followed him. "But you know, secrets are never secret forever, sooner or later -."

"I don't need a lecture thank you."

"If you ever want to talk -."

"If I ever want to talk then I know where you are . . ."

Goku gave a hopeful smile, he'd always be there for Vegeta, even if he didn't understand what was happening. . . Somehow though, he knew that wouldn't be enough. . .


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

A/N: Another warning, a couple of swear words in this chapter.

The bright lights were almost blinding as he stumbled into the large laboratories, he winced as the harsh lights struck his onyx eyes, blinking to get back his sight his vision slowly returned. As he looked around he let loose a low whistle, he couldn't remember this place being so large! It was like stepping into a football field, though he doubted a field would be that big – he wandered into the white labs and closed the door firmly behind him.

The white walls and masses of tables, machines, inventions and clutter invaded his senses, it was almost overwhelming, and for somewhere so large he sure expected a hell of a lot more space! He could barely manoeuvre through the labyrinth of objects. The drone of the machines wasn't quite deafening but it wasn't quiet either, but it still made Goku shudder as he began to look about for Bulma. Where was she anyway? Vegeta said she'd be up, but maybe she was asleep?

He checked the large clock above one of the many desks filled with blueprints; two-twenty a.m. Okay, there was no way any _sane_ person would be awake at -.

"Goku!"

He gave a slight chuckle; well Bulma had never been normal, had she?

Curiously he gazed across the room to a huge pile of papers and capsules, and from behind it Bulma emerged, a CC hat covered her long, blue hair that was slightly ruffled, and shadowed her eyes – it looked like she'd just had a shock or upset the way her eyes had clouded. She pulled her jacket tightly around her body as she tiptoed through a maze of work toward Goku.

"Hi Bulma! How's it going?"

Giving a wink he smiled, still holding tightly onto his injured nose, the blood had only just stopped but the pain was still intense, like a sharp, throbbing burn. It was almost agonising, he couldn't stand it, and to think, Vegeta caused this sort of pain to himself on purpose! It didn't make sense. It hurt! He felt his anxiousness and nervous fear rise in him, Kami he wish he knew how to help Vegeta, it killed him to think that someone he loved so much could be going through so much, and he didn't even know what he could do . . . He had to talk to him!

As soon as her eyes met his she yelped and rushed over to him. Goku's heart raced; what was wrong? Kami! She looked really panicked, her face was so white and her eyes so wide . . .

"Goku! What on Earth happened to your face? Kami, are you okay?"

"Oh!" He gave another laugh. "You had me worried, Bulma, I thought I had an extra head or something the way you reacted. You mean this?" He let go of his nose and winced at the pain. "Don't worry, it's nothing."

"Nothing? Like I believe that." Grabbing his arm tightly she yanked him near to her for a closer look and examined him closely, she gave a short scoff and rolled her eyes. "Okay mister, follow me." Goku gave a yelp for a protest as she dragged him through many tools and machines to a cluttered desk; brushing the contents onto the floor she gave a signal for him to sit up.

"So how'd you manage a broken nose?"

Rummaging wildly around in a filing cabinet she eventually pulled out a large box full of numbered capsules, as she started a new search for the right number Goku spoke up. "Well I was sparring with 'Geta and he hasn't half improved on his technique -! Just he punched a _little_ too hard."

"Well I'm not surprised he broke your nose, he always gets carried away when he trains. You know last week he made Trunks and Goten _cry_! The poor little chibi's in tears all because he pressed them too hard, he expects them to be able to take the same things you two can, and I tried to tell him that boys can't keep up with the training of two grown men, but he won't listen! What surprises me though is that for one, he lets you call him 'Geta and two, he's not in here with some horrific injury as well! Usually you'd have attacked back."

"I did!" He said with a proud smirk. "Sent a energy wave right into his shoulder, bloody isn't even the word!"

The explosion as a capsule suddenly burst open made him jump from his skin, he looked down to she a large medical pack. The noise coupled with Bulma's reddened face was enough to make him wince and try to scoot away, he scratched his neck nervously, what did he say? He obviously said something! She was shaking with anger.

"What!"

"What?"

"Goku! If he's injured himself then why didn't he come and get the medical attention he needs? He always pushes himself too far! What? Now he's so powerful that the stubborn, arrogant fool doesn't even need a wound healing? He's a bad example for Trunks! He's going to -."

Oh, now he understood. She was angry Vegeta didn't get his shoulder sorted out, she was probably really worried about him and wanted to make sure he was okay. Damn! He wasn't supposed to tell Bulma about Vegeta, was he? Vegeta _couldn't_ ask for help because of his cuts, and Goku promised to keep it secret, but if Bulma knew about his shoulder she'd want to see it and -. Uh-oh. His heart raced fast against his ribs as a sickening feeling rose. Vegeta would never trust him again!

"No!"

"Excuse you?" Bulma gave him a sceptical look.

"Oh, sorry! Just you shouldn't be angry with 'Geta! He's not injured. He – err – he's got a bloody shoulder because . . ." He looked around for something to help him out, his eyes fell uneasily upon his own body – the blood covering his clothes reminded him of his own injury . . . He gave a mental cheer. That might just work! "He's got a bloody shoulder because it's my blood!"

"Yeah sure. Goku – how did Vegeta manage to get _your_ blood on him, and _why_ isn't he in here either?"

"He got covered in my blood because I was upset and wanted a hug. Yeah! So that's why Vegeta got my blood on him!"

"Oh, please! Like that monkey Prince would let anyone_ hug_ him?"

"Err – he must have been really guilty? Well anyway, after he hugged me he told me to tell you that he's not here because he had to go get changed into some different clothes!"

She gave a low growl. "I can't believe him! He injures _you _and _still _thinks only about himself! He should be in here apologising, not finding a new outfit to wear!" Rummaging around in the pack she pulled out some vials of liquids and cotton wool, examining them closely in the light she undid them and poured some clear liquid onto the wool. "Okay, Goku, I've ran out of senzu beans so I'm going to have to do this the old fashioned way. I'm going to have to clean you up first, so this might sting a bit."

He watched her come closer and shuddered, pulling himself further back on the metal desk. "Do you have to clean it? Can't you just _mend _it somehow?"

"Don't be a baby, Goku! It's not as though I need to give you an injection or anything!" She pulled back as he flinched. "Goku! I'm _not_ going to give you an injection! Hold still!"

As she brought the wool to his face both of them flinched; the laboratory doors swung open slamming loudly into the walls, louder than the roar of machines and deafening to Goku and Bulma. Goku tried to look at the intruder as best as he could, but it was hard to see when Bulma was making him keep his head back.

What he could see however was Vegeta, slamming the doors closed behind him as he stormed into the labs wearing a look of absolute confusion. Goku nearly sighed at the sight of him. He looked so different, Goku nearly fazed out into a dream state. Vegeta had changed into his favourite pink shirt, a black leather jacket and trousers – he looked quite handsome as his muscles and body was clearly visible through the skin tight material . . . Goku snapped himself back into reality. Why the HFIL was he focusing on what Vegeta looked like? It was stupid! Vegeta was suffering loads, Goku had a broken nose to get fixed and it wasabout two in the morning, and he was focusing on what the Prince _looked_ like?

He scolded himself forcing back his thoughts, he found it hard as he realized that something was wrong. The Saiyan Prince didn't look his usual self; his eyes seemed misty and lowered and his face had lost the usual tension and anger. Why hadn't he noticed the expression before? Now he came to think about it, Vegeta hadn't been his usual aggressive self for ages! His eyes had been empty for a long time . . .

Bulma was the first to break the silence as Vegeta entered.

"How _dare_ you! You owe someone an apology right now! You Kami damn broke Goku's nose! Oh, and speaking of which, you going to get changed because you got _his_ blood on _your _clothes, which was _your _fault is plain evil! I mean you could have at least brought him in here to make sure he was okay, but no, you don't do you? I bet you haven't even called Chi to tell her where he is. You guys take this training too far and I swear -!"

"Onna, quiet! If Kakarott can't handle a punch that's his problem, not mine, so back off."

Goku's eyes followed Vegeta as he strode across the room to the large pile of papers where Bulma had emerged from originally, in hopes of finding a chair to sit. Within seconds of wandering across the room Vegeta had suddenly let lose a yell of shock and prepared for an offensive attack. Goku jumped a mile as he spun to face the danger Vegeta had seen -.

"I thought I saw the desk and papers moving - I thought someone was there." Vegeta murmured, shaking his head and sighing.

Goku screamed loudly as the pain in his nose surged through him, consuming all thoughts and hope. It was like a fire touched his skin! "_Ouch_!"

"Well if you'd just hold still -!"

"What! You're the one who moved!" Goku said, eyes welling up.

"Well . . . It's Vegeta's fault, if he didn't scare me half to death my hand wouldn't have slipped."

"Yes, that's right – blame me for you own fucking stupid mistake -."

"Vegeta swear at me again and I'll give you something to swear about!"

"Yeah well, how about these words then, you Kami -."

Goku flinched as a loud scream echoed wildly through the room – it was Vegeta again, something had shocked him. The scream had certainly frightened Goku, as much as whatever Vegeta saw had startled him. In confusion and annoyance Goku turned his head as much as he could as Bulma began to get back to work on his nose.

"I told you I thought I saw it move! I was right!"

He caught sight of Vegeta sending a furious ki blast on the piles of papers on the desk that Bulma had appeared from behind earlier, as the papers flew wildly a across the room, sleeping Gohan was revealed sitting on a chair behind the desk, now waking up thanks to Vegeta's powerful blast. Gohan's eyes groggily lifted to a furious Vegeta, he turned still half-sleep to a surprised and bloody Goku and an _extremely_ annoyed Bulma.

"Vegeta! Kami damn! Do you have to scare us for no reason! Goku almost ended up with his nose like something from a Picasso painting!"

Goku didn't know much about Cubism art, or frankly much about art in general, but he didn't know about Picasso, Gohan shown him some of his works for an art project one day – frankly Bulma hadn't installed much confidence in him . . . "What!"

"Relax it looks fine." She turned to Vegeta and lifted her cap to brush a hand through her hair. "It was only Gohan, did you have to over-react!"

"Huh!" Vegeta snorted. "He shouldn't have startled me then, should he?"

Gohan, who had just awoken had no idea of what was happening, he rubbed his eyes and looked up at Vegeta curiously, the older Saiyan seemed fascinated with his arms. Feeling uneasy he pulled his sleeves right down as Vegeta gave him glares of suspicion. "What's going on?" He asked sleepily, sitting up straight.

Goku tried to look at Gohan as much as he could without receiving any pain from Bulma. "What are you doing here at this time in the morning, son?" He asked with interest, suddenly it struck him, he paused to let everything sink in; he hazarded a glance at the clock and nearly choked on the air itself. The time! "Yeah! What the HFIL are you doing here this time, Gohan! Your mom will kill you if she catches you out on a school night – then, she'll kill me after . . . Then probably kill our ghosts!"

"Sorry pa, I – I needed to talk to Bulma about something important, it couldn't wait." He stretched and yawned loudly. "I guess I fell asleep, we'd been talking for so long and -."

"Gohan, you better get home now! Honestly, you'll be in some trouble else."

Gohan shrugged. Goku's eyes widened at the disrespect, Gohan never had to be asked twice to do anything, and never before had he not cared about punishment. Goku exhaled loudly.

"Son Gohan! Home, now!"

Vegeta carried on watching Gohan, towering above him. Gohan merely yawned again. In a monotone voice he threw Gohan a cold comment. "That witch will only attack you with that frying pan of doom if you don't move, boy."

"Yeah, I suppose – last thing I need is another lecture on how I'm a bad influence on Goten." He looked up to Vegeta nervously as the older Saiyan still stared at him intently, arms folded. Vegeta's cold eyes focused on his arms and wrists. Gohan shuddered. There was no way Vegeta could know what he was talking to Bulma about, was there? He stood up shakily, pulling at his sleeves once more. No, it was illogical to think he could. Could he read minds? Did he have x-ray vision? Vegeta didn't know anything, he was just trying to psyche Gohan out, surely. "I'll call Nimbus once I'm outside dad, it'll be quicker than flying. I'll see you guys later – oh, and thanks Bulma!"

"No problem Gohan. See you later!"

"Okay son – make sure you don't wake anyone up as you go in!" Goku shouted as Gohan raced through the doors at top speed.

As soon as Gohan had left the room, Vegeta came straight back to life. "What the HFIL was that all about?"

"What?" Bulma asked.

Vegeta snarled and began to make his way over to the desk. "You know what? Talking so late at night, falling asleep here, acting _very _strangely . . . What did he do? What did he want?"

Bulma sighed. "He just wanted to talk."

"Yeah, what about?"

"Like I'll betray his trust to a low-life like you!"

"Listen onna, I know something is wrong with that brat! He didn't even notice the fact that Kakarott had a broken nose! Since when did he not get upset over his idol's injuries? He was also acting very odd and since when did anything other than his studies ever come first, or did he shrug off Kakarott? He was hiding something. I know it!"

Bulma cringed as she finished with Goku, placing a small white plaster across the top of his nose. "Vegeta, even if he _was_ hiding something, why are you so bothered? Why is it that you care _so _much?"

"Because he was pulling at his -! I thought he might be -. You know what? Shut up and get lost you wench!"

"Gee, nice manners there pea-brained, monkey boy, idiot!"

If Goku hadn't known these two for so long he might have actually thought they hated each other, or had just got into an argument, for these two ex-lovers though it was just their weird way of saying - . . . saying -. Well, saying something positive, Goku thought dejectedly.

Vegeta wrapped his tail tightly around his waist, moving close to Goku he sat down, not far away from him. Goku suddenly felt quite self-conscious, as he sat up reaching for his nose.

"Don't mess with it, Goku!" Bulma scolded, pulling his hand away like she would a child. "It won't heal properly else."

"Okay, okay." He cricked his neck and looked over to Vegeta. "'Geta? I need to talk to you in private, can we go somewhere, please?"

Vegeta gave him a sceptical look. What did he want now? He thought for a minute and it hit him – the self-harm. Kami, why did it bother Goku so much? "No." He said finally.

"It's important! Please, Vegeta! I really need to talk to you!"

Vegeta sighed. It'd be cruel to make Goku worry, right? Yeah – and besides agreeing would get him off his back quicker, otherwise he'd be saying 'no' to him all morning, or what was left of it. "Look, I'll meet you at your house first thing this morning, about seven-thirty, we'll talk for as long as you want . . ."

Bulma slammed the medical pack shut loudly. "You only want to see Goku at that time because you think Gohan's hiding something, and you want to catch him and find out what!"

"So?"

"Well you're seeing Goku, not him!" She said. " So don't you dare upset Gohan though, _or_ scare him _or_ guilt-trip him! I know you Vegeta, you like to intimidate people and he doesn't need that right now!"

Goku raised an eyebrow. "Why not? What's wrong?"

"Nothing! I just meant it – it might distract him from studying, that's all . . ."

"Yeah, Bulma, that's what you meant." Vegeta scowled. That boy had a secret, and Bulma knew . . . He'd find out one way or another what he was up to! Well if he had to meet Goku he _could_ at least turn up a little early, maybe spy on the brat a bit? See what was really up. "Kakarott we'll talk in the morning I promise on my own life, I'll turn up early and we'll talk about whatever you want."

This wasn't right. Since when did Vegeta ever agree to talk to anyone? Since when did Vegeta ever become this agreeable? He shook his head, well at least he was going to talk, never a look a gift horse in the mouth and all that . . .

"Yeah, okay." Goku agreed.

Maybe he'd get the answers he needed after all, maybe he'd actually find out what's wrong with Vegeta, he smiled, maybe he could help him . . . He looked over to Vegeta and sighed, the Prince looked so attractive that it was hard to think those scars covered him and he looked so _normal_ it was hard to think that anything was wrong. If it weren't for the fact he saw the cuts with his own eyes he'd never have believed it.

He looked into Vegeta's eyes and held back a sigh.

"Don't be late."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

A/N: Some self-harm at the start and mentions of abuse later.

* * *

Alone he sat cross-legged within the dark shade of an elm tree, his dark black eyes falling emotionless upon the Son house, it filled him with the most horrible feeling, never had the large building before filled him with such dread or intimidation. He looked away from Goku's home and shook such emotions from himself angrily. To think, in a few minutes he'd have to knock upon that door and face what lay inside – why did he have to promise that baka that he'd meet and talk to him? Kami how he was regretting it . . .

The rising sun sent a serene red glow across the woods, casting shadows far and wide; Vegeta flinched as the bright light struck his eyes and blinded him. He looked back to the house. Lights were flicking on from within some of the rooms, casting silhouettes of chibi Goten and Chi-Chi across the opening curtains. He watched the life within the building hoping it would serve as some distraction, but as his fingers played with the cold metal of the blade he realised it wouldn't serve any such relief.

Kami – how long was it till seven-thirty?

It felt as if the blade was etching itself into his mind, blinding him and begging to be used, urging him to be brought to his skin. As much as he fought such thoughts the feeling, the need carried on. A cool morning breeze brushed the skin of his tanned chest, he shuddered; he could feel his breath leaving him as fear kicked in. He brought the blade to his bare chest. He held it steady, watching it, holding it to him but not moving it . . .

He couldn't describe how he felt. It was like a black hole was consuming him, dragging him down into some oblivion like void, pulling him in against his will, the sorrow that weighted on his mind covered his sight like a black veil and begged to be lifted. Only the blade brought such relief. The emotions he learnt to deal with, he hated the despair, the hate, the isolation, but he dealt with it, the blade and blood rid him of it – but the fear he felt now?

That emotion he could not escape nor relieve. Why was he scared of talking to Kakarott for anyway? It was ridiculous to fear something like that and even more so to feel the emotion itself. He was a Saiyan Prince! Fear was a weak emotion that he should not feel! It wasn't right or normal. He needed punishment, he needed release – just one stroke and it would calm him down, take away the edge of the emotion and help.

Digging the blade into his chest he bit into his lip, the pain was sharp, stinging and acute, enough to make him wince, but he had to do this, it was necessary! Blood bubbled as the metal scraped and sliced through the skin, turning into a deep red line. He closed his eyes; he felt calmer, relaxed and even his breathing had slowed down. Smiling he made more, making a total of five. The fear faded quickly as the blood poured over him, it was the most welcomed feeling in the world.

Wiping the blood away he quickly pulled on his shirt shoving the blade into his pocket, pulling his jacket over him for warmth. The trickling of the blood comforted him, it was like finally he had a way to let out his pain, the pain he couldn't allow himself to feel and finally he had a way to relax himself. The blade was like an old friend that you could always rely on . . .

Standing shakily Vegeta wandered over to the Son residence, knocking the door loudly. The sound of Gohan's voice echoed through the house deafeningly.

"I'll get it!"

Vegeta waited as the key turned in the lock and the door swung open, revealing an extremely tired and half-dressed Gohan, pulling at the sleeves of his open shirt and hopping with one shoe. He looked at Vegeta with total confusion.

"Vegeta? What are you doing here at this time?" His eyes trailed to Vegeta's chest where small red spots had appeared on his shirt. He eyebrows knotted in a curious confusion. "What's that on your shirt?"

"Red paint." He answered straight-faced. "That onna's painting one of the guest rooms and demanded that I help."

"Funny, can't remember Bulma mentioning it to me."

"She wouldn't, she only just decided she disliked the colour this morning."

"Oh . . . okay." He paused, looking at Vegeta sceptically; he seemed stern and serious as ever. He shook his head and forced a smile. "Well if you need any help I could come round after school -."

"That won't be necessary. I can do it alone."

Vegeta's cold eyes traced the entrance hall to the Son residence and then turned to observe Gohan. His gaze landed sharply upon his arms.

Dark suspicions consumed Vegeta once more as Gohan tugged sharply on his sleeves, as if he was trying to hide something; if Vegeta didn't know better . . . He let lose a low growl. Something wasn't right and he knew it. Usually it wouldn't matter to him, but the way he acted was so familiar. He was hiding his arms the exact same way that Vegeta hid his chest, and what was with his behaviour earlier and his sleeping in Bulma's laboratory? This was ridiculous. Surely he was just reading too much into things. Gohan wasn't the sort to do such things, but moreover why did Vegeta even care?

Scratching his neck nervously Gohan looked behind Vegeta as if expecting someone else to be there. "So I guess you're here for dad, huh?"

"No a train. Why? Has that damn baka forgotten that I was -?"

"Chill! He's just finishing breakfast, why don't you come in and I'll go get him." Holding the door open the Saiyan Prince remained still. Gee, what was his problem today? "Vegeta?" His eyes moved to the obsidian ones opposite, the usual spark of anger seemed extinguished but there was something else aflame, something he couldn't place.

Slowly Vegeta walked in, pushing past Gohan and heading for the family room. He quickly found himself a seat and fell into the soft material. Gohan rolled his eyes as he slammed the door closed.

"Please, sit down." He said sarcastically. Shaking his head he made his way to the kitchen.

Vegeta took in a deep breath, his eyes skimmed the brightly lit room, it was certainly well lived in and quite messy too. Books were piled upon tables, food was scattered everywhere, and all sorts of toys were dashed about. It was more than strange. Chi-Chi wasn't usually one for letting anything go two minutes without being tidied and cleaned – it didn't seem right. He foot kicked a book lying on the floor, a textbook of some kind, probably belonging to the brat that answered the door. A low sigh escaped his lips, Kami he hated this place.

Within a few seconds Goku was racing Goten into the living room, laughing wildly. Goten skidded along the floor and nearly tripped over a pile of clothes as Goku came behind him.

"Okay, you beat me son!"

"Ha, knew I'd win! You're too slow!" Goten jumped up into his arms with a large smirk and a large hug.

"Yeah, well don't get too cocky! When you get back from school I'll race you to Piccolo's and then we'll see who's _really_ the fastest!"

"Cool! Can Trunks come? Oh – and Gohan?"

With another laugh, Goku gave a wink and a nod. "Sure, why not? As long as Gohan isn't busy and Miss Briefs doesn't mind."

"Cool! I'm going to go call Trunks now and see if he wants to!"

Eagerly the chibi jumped down and raced through the room to the phone grabbing and dialling as Super Saiyan speed. Waving a hand to Vegeta Goku made his way over to him and fell onto the floor cross-legged; gazing up to the Prince he gave an apologetic smile and wink.

"Hi 'Geta! You came early, didn't you?"

"No earlier than usual."

As Goku leant back Goten raced past and dived across the floor. "Mrs Briefs said it was okay for Trunks to come! He couldn't answer the phone though as he's grounded till this afternoon."

"Okay son."

"Uh-oh! Got to go dad! Gohan's leaving and he's taking me to school! Bye!" Within seconds the chibi had darted off again through the kitchen doors, the door swung behind him before closing. Vegeta groaned, rolling his eyes, a hand brushed through his hair as annoyance struck.

"That brat of yours has some energy."

Goku gave a chuckle. "Yeah, he gets that from me. So why's Trunks grounded? You never mentioned that last time I saw you."

"Why should I? It's not something that I'd know. What that bastard does isn't my concern unless he skips training or breaks the GR."

A low sigh escaped Goku's lips. Since when did Vegeta take a dislike to Trunks? He never heard him use that language about his son before, and usually he was always with him training, playing and teaching him new things. Why the sudden resentment? Man, he seemed really different, this wasn't right – and the way the Prince looked was so disconcerting, he wished there was something he could do to help, but that's why Vegeta was here, wasn't it? If they had a proper conversation then maybe he could find out something useful.

His eyes trailed over Vegeta's body. He looked amazing as usual, tight black jeans, brown jacket and brown shirt scattered with – with red . . . No. No, Vegeta hadn't -. Had he? Damn it! If Vegeta needed to do something like that why hadn't he come to Goku to talk about it before he did? Goku would have done all he could to stop 'Geta cutting and to help him! Wait, how did he know that it was even blood? Who was to say that he had cut himself again? He could ask, but how would he react to that? His heart raced with worry as his mouth opened and closed, searching for the right words. Gulping loudly he breathed deeply and let the words come to him.

"'Geta? What's – what's that on your shirt?"

Vegeta's eyes gazed down. Specks of blood were still seeping through, larger than before and darker as the stain grew. "Paint. Bulma wanted me to repaint the guest rooms."

Goku gave a nervous chuckle. "Oh, that's it? You had me worried! Well, why don't you take it off, Chi-Chi's in the other room I'm sure she won't mind washing it."

"No. My old cuts are still visible I'd rather have her not see them."

"Well, just do your jacket up when it's off – don't mind me, I've already saw them last night, didn't I?"

"No Kakarott, I'm okay, I can promise you."

Goku's eyes trailed over the red flecks, maybe it was his imagination but they seemed to be growing larger, as if the true source of the colour was still seeping, still active. He was lying wasn't he? Goku's heart dropped, his suspicions were right, damn. What could he do though? He didn't even know why!

"I'm sorry if I sound paranoid, but - . . . is that blood?"

Vegeta looked down into his eyes, but the sight forced him to look away, where he usually saw beauty was simply pain and worry, and it was caused by his own actions . . . He felt so guilty, his heart so twisted, it was like a knife stabbed into his chest. Why did he care what that baka felt? He wasn't cutting him, was he? Why did he feel so guilty? _Never _had he before felt regret! But when he gazed into those eyes it was all that filled him . . . Why?

"Does it matter if it is blood?"

"Yeah! It does, it matters a lot."

"Why? It doesn't bother to me."

"But it bothers me! If it's blood then it means you've cut yourself today, right before you came to see me – something had to have caused it, and I don't know what! I want to help you, 'Geta, but I can't if I don't know why. If someone's doing something to you, tell me and I'll stop them . . ." He paused. "Are you really doing them yourself?"

"You think someone's doing them to me! No! They are done entirely by me."

"I don't understand. Why? Please tell me. Why do you do it?" A low moan escaped his lips. Why as Vegeta doing this to himself? Didn't he realise how much he was hurting him? A thought struck Goku suddenly. Was this he fault? "Vegeta . . ." Just the thought that it might be because of him was too much to bear. He leant forward and rested a hand on the chair by Vegeta's knee, looking deep into his eyes. "Is it something that I did? I found out last night, is that why you did it today?"

It was Vegeta's turn to be surprised and hurt. "Of course not, this has nothing to do with you."

"Then why?" Goku's hand moved onto Vegeta's holding it tightly for reassurance, mainly for himself. He needed some sort of closure, but most of all he needed to help him . . .

A loud cough came from the doorway causing both Saiyans to jump, Goku spun around to face the dark silhouette of Chi-Chi standing tall and glaring menacingly at him, releasing Vegeta's hand he looked away sheepishly and guilty.

"Oh, hi honey."

Chi-Chi gave a sharp frown and placed both hands on her hips. "Don't call me that, please Goku. I'm sorry to interrupt you two Vegeta but this can't be helped, Goku I need you to remember our conversation earlier."

"Conversation?" He searched his mind briefly and quickly found what Chi-Chi asked. He winced at the painful memories of the morning just passed, the verbal sparring, shouting, threats and other such things. They swept his mind agonisingly. Chi-Chi wasn't going to call a spade a spade in front of company; she'd use euphemisms for as long as she had to – but within his mind he knew 'conversation' was far from what happened, 'violent fight' would have been more accurate. "Yeah I remember."

After all, how could he forget Goten weeping loudly, or Gohan locking himself in the bathroom? How could he forget the bruises he got and trying to explain them to his eight-year-old son? Or even trying to comfort Gohan, who unfortunately was old enough to understand what had happened, and what had been going on for months, _years_ before . . .

What happened that morning in particular though was this; he'd just got home worried to death over Vegeta who was cutting himself, and trying to ignore the pain of a broken nose, when he found Chi-Chi – and that's when the 'conversation' took place . . . This time more serious than usual.

She glared at him deeply than struck a look of death to Vegeta. "Goku – everything's waiting for you in our room, you have until tonight to move it - I want you out tonight." With that she stormed out of the room leaving Goku shivering.

Vegeta looked down with complete confusion. "What the HFIL was that about?"

"Err – well . . ."

Goku shivered once more, what could he say? There were no words that could explain any of this.

"Is that harpy kicking you out?"

"Sort of . . ."

Vegeta fought a mental battle with himself; the idea of touching the third-class or trying to comfort him was one that part of him hated the idea of, but his feelings and emotions commanded he must. He decided it was perhaps best to console him and placed his hand on his shoulder, holding firmly as Goku leant back silently. He slid down off the chair beside him on the floor letting his arm drape around his shoulders.

"Tell me what's happening."

"You'll still tell me about - . . . 'you know what', afterwards?"

"You mean this?" He pointed to his chest. Goku nodded. "I promise I'll still talk to you about it, yes. Now what was that about?"

"Well, like you said Chi's kicking me out of the house. She told me she was getting a divorce a few months ago but I never thought she was serious, but now she's got my stuff packed in our – _her _room, and I've got until tonight to move it all. I don't really mind so much being homeless, I've got loads of places to go if I wanted, and I built this place myself so I could build another, it's just - . . . it's Goten I'm worried about, this morning he was weeping his eyes out and now he seems normal as ever! I think he's in denial."

"You told him you were leaving last night?"

"No. It was just the usual, Chi-Chi was screaming at me because Gohan was out so late, you know? She said it was my fault and I was a bad influence. Then well – after she gave me all this verbal abuse everything got kind of violent, as it usually does."

"You hit her!"

Even Vegeta was shocked – beyond shocked. What kind of man would do such an act? Kakarott certainly wasn't whom he thought. His body tensed in shock and horror and he turned fully to face him. How long had this man been doing such an appalling thing? And why?

"No! No I'd never do that! I swear to Kami, I'd never, _ever _hit her! She's the one who hit me!" He flinched. Did he really just admit that? Kami! He should have just let Vegeta thought he hit her, what would he think now? The pain struck him hard as the words he spoke echoed in his head. He forced a smile. "Don't look shocked. Anyway, that's when she brought up some old issues and told me she'd given me enough time to find a new place and I have to go tonight."

Vegeta's head shook. "You're coming to my place."

"What?

"You heard, Kakarott. You re staying with me until you can find somewhere more permanent."

"Won't Bulma mind? I mean she is Chi-Chi's friend."

"Yes, but she's your _best_ friend, and besides you said it yourself that you have nowhere else to go. Don't think twice about it."

"Thanks Vegeta." He said weakly. . .


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

A/N: As a warning there's some swearing within the chapter.

* * *

Goku shivered. It gave him the most eerie feeling; the way the wind lashed and rustled the trees, it just reminded him so much of a horror movie, even the lightning on the landscape seemed familiar. At least the long branches of the willow gave good shelter from the storm, but it was still dark, gloomy and cold beneath it. If it was up to him they wouldn't even be outside, it was Vegeta's idea to be here; he'd somehow gotten the idea that Chi would eavesdrop and he didn't trust her enough not to. They must have been here for an hour, sitting in silence, as neither of them knew what to say, it was starting to make Goku feel awkward.

The river raced by them, struck with thousands of raindrops, a loud distraction for Goku's aching mind. The rushing waters were almost relaxing and he certainly needed some calming . . .

He watched Vegeta curiously. He'd been sitting cross-legged staring into the clear water for quite a long time now, and he seemed so lost in thought with his emotions hidden behind a vacant expression. What was going on in his mind? Was he upset? Okay? Goku sighed and laid down on the moist grass next to him, he rested his head on his hand as he gazed up at his companion with a burning curiosity. He just wished he knew what was going on inside Vegeta's mind.

Vegeta was the first to break the silence. "Kakarott?"

"Yeah 'Geta?"

"About what you told me in your house? You said that she-devil has been hurting you."

"Yeah." He mumbled; he wasn't quite sure how to reply.

"I don't understand though. You're far more powerful than she is! Why did you let her do it?"

He flinched. Somehow he knew that Vegeta would ask that question, and the answer was he didn't actually know, but Vegeta would never accept that . . . He gazed up into the branches. The swaying was almost hypnotic. He could almost count the seconds that went by as the pain slowly came back, before flooding his senses, his mind raced with the violent images as he choked back his torment.

As the emotions came his mind switched off, his pain escaped, it was if his body shut down, he couldn't feel anything – . . . it was a habit he'd gotten into long ago, _when something painful happens shut down your mind_ . . . It was the only thing he could do when Chi's attacks came . . .

Vegeta watched him curiously. "Kakarott, I'm asking you a question, why did you let her harm you?"

"I don't know."

"Well couldn't you have hit her back?"

"No! I – I couldn't attack back . . . " He found himself shivering again from nervous fear. "I might have hurt her and that's wrong . . ."

"But it's not wrong for her to hurt you?"

"No – I know that's bad, but there's no way I could ever bring myself to do what she did. It hurt me so much when she'd just explode, how could I cause that sort of pain to anyone, even her? I mean, that'd just make me as bad as she is and besides, even if I wanted to she's not evil, she doesn't deserve it. She's just . . . confused."

"Confused? She wasn't confused about anything! She knew what she was doing to you. Well at least this explains those unexplained bruises and injuries you had _before_ our _sparring_ matches, but I can sure as HFIL say that those weren't accidental. If you wouldn't attack her than why not defend yourself?"

"I don't know – I just didn't! 'Geta please! I really don't know! It's complicated and I can't explain it, I just couldn't do anything back, I just let her. I'd just freeze and become really numb and when she'd start beating on me I'd switch off, my mind went totally dead till it was over! I was scared and I know I could have done something but I didn't!" Breathing deeply he paused. His body was shaking so much he could barely control himself; he covered his face with his hands before gasping a response. "After a while . . . I guess – I guess I got used to it, you know? I mean it – it started when I was wished back a few weeks after the Cell Games and it's been happening ever since. It's been so long I – it's - I don't know . . ."

"Shit! Why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you leave her?"

"I guess I was scared if I told anyone she'd just do it more or kick me out, and I couldn't leave, what would I have done about Gohan and Goten?"

"I knew that bitch was damn psycho but I never thought -!"

"'Geta! She's not a psycho!"

"What? Now you defend her?"

"No. 'Geta it's – it's just that – well she's really kind when she _wants_ to be, I mean she's a great mother to Goten and Gohan! She'd _never_ hurt them ever, and she'd never harm anyone else for that matter! She could be really nice to me as well at times . . . but – you know . . . sometimes she'd just . . . snap. I'd do something to make her angry and she'd – she'd just go crazy at me."

A loud growl escaped Vegeta's lips. Why the HFIL was that baka defending that witch? She'd been abusing him for so long, the punches, kicks, strikes and what -? That didn't mean anything? It wasn't important? She was even divorcing him and kicking him out! After she'd caused him so much pain, he was defending her! Why? Vegeta's stomach twisted with sheer anger and rage, if he _ever _saw that woman he'd Kami damn rip her heart out! His blood felt like it was at boiling point . . . How could anyone betray and hurt someone they claimed to love so much? She had some bloody nerve!

He dared a glance at Goku. His eyes were welling up and his face had filled with a deep regret. Now he was upset over it all . . . Damn it! Why? Why should he even care about her!

He sighed. He'd just have to comfort Goku as best as he could, after all it's wasn't like Vegeta didn't understand, it'd happened to him as a chibi, and a lot more on top of it as a matter of fact – but he hated them for what they did to him! He'd never defend them! _Never_! And now, as an adult, he wouldn't for a second let it happen to him again. That's what he couldn't understand about Goku . . . Why?

Did he still love her?

Maybe he didn't? Maybe that's what made her so mad last night? If he did still love her then why did he? Maybe it was time to change the conversations direction . . .

Clearing his throat he started a new topic. "What about Goten and Gohan? Will she get custody?"

"Huh?" Rolling onto his side letting Goku let his tail wave behind him lazily, slowly letting it hang over his waist; he looked gently into Vegeta's eyes. Giving a weak smile he ventured an answer. "Sort of . . . she's been quite reasonable actually - she says I can have them Friday's and Saturdays -."

"Oh, the two nights that isn't school nights. Very predictable."

"Yeah – but she also says that I can visit whenever I like, providing I call first, and when I get my own place that they can visit me whenever they like too." He gave another smile. "We split holidays and they can come over more often when school's finished, and she wants me to be as much of their lives as I was before. She's says she's not going to deny them their father, in fact she wants me to phone them tonight wherever I go, so they know that it's not their fault we're separating, you know?"

Vegeta grunted.

"I'm just dreading explaining this to Goten, Kami knows how he'll take it."

"Well he knows that you love him and that's all that matters." Kami, he hated spouting that sentimental crap! But it looked like Goku felt better about it at least. "Goten has that brat Gohan to take care of him too, that will be enough for him to cope."

"I guess. Gohan's a great kid, he'll look after Goten better than anyone, after all he's really responsible and he's coping so well with this so far. This morning he seemed perfectly normal, which was great! He's been so low the last few weeks it was great hearing him laugh and smile!"

Vegeta's head snapped to Goku's with a raised eyebrow, giving him a sceptical look. That wasn't right – even Vegeta knew that behaviour wasn't normal. Being so low, so depressed and miserable and then suddenly becoming so happy wasn't a good sign . . . His memory took him back to the morning. The boy was pulling at his sleeves, just like the night before – the same way Vegeta always pulled at his shirt when he was trying to cover his cuts . . . That boy wouldn't self-harm though, would he? If he didn't know better he'd say that the boy was in some serious trouble . . .

"So, enough about my problems!" Goku gave a short laugh. "I'm just so glad I get to stay at your place till I get myself back on my feet, at least we'll have plenty of time to chat about all our problems then. So? What about you 'Geta?"

"What about me?"

Sighing Goku gave Vegeta a very soft prod in the chest with his tail. Vegeta glanced down at his shirt – the red flecks had grown quite large . . .

Grunting he moved Goku's tail away from his chest. Cricking his neck he looked away. "Oh, that. It's just some cuts."

"Yeah, but you told me you'd explain why you've been doing them."

"I will. It's just -."

"Hard?"

He rolled his eyes. Just like him. How could Goku understand some things so well, and others so badly? Damn, if he knew it was hard to talk about then why was he trying to make him? He was probably just worried and wanted to help . . . and he _did _tell Vegeta about his issues, even though _that _was hard for him . . .

"Yeah, it's hard."

"Well, start from the beginning. That's what you always told me to do. Why do you do it 'Geta? Please tell me, I want to help you as much as I can and I can't unless I know why."

Wrapping his tail around his waist Vegeta found his hand moving involuntarily to his chest, holding his cuts closely. "It helps me." His voice sounded so small. Was that really him speaking?

"Helps with what?"

He'd kept this secret hidden so long, no one knew about it and he managed and coped just fine like that, no one asked any questions because no one knew and no one was worried about him. Now he'd have to reveal why and Kami knew how Goku would feel. Still, the sooner he explained it the faster he could escape this conversation.

"It helps me with - . . . stuff. It helps me cope with bad emotions, if I feel bad or low I cut and I feel better."

"Yeah, but how does causing yourself pain make you feel better?"

Vegeta rolled onto his stomach, his hands placed under his chin. The rain thundered down as lightening struck. Now at eye-level with his friend he found himself more relaxed. He smiled to himself, Goku was so innocent and so truly perplexed that it was almost cute – he hadn't the heart to not go on.

"Pain gives me a distraction, something else to focus on and something else to concentrate on. It helps me ignore depression, fear, guilt or whatever I feel at the time I do it. I can't deal with those emotions, I never have been able to; after all they're for the weak." He paused. "It also gives me control over my self – which I don't have when I feel so awful, and it's easier to deal with a cut than an emotion . . ."

"So . . . You do it because it takes away your pain? For distraction and for comfort?"

"More or less."

"But why do you feel so bad? You have a great life! A wonderful son, a mansion to live in, Prince of a planet – that was just wished back like a few weeks ago, and you have a whole load of good friends like me and Bulma -."

"Kakarott you're not making me feel better."

"Oh – sorry . . . I didn't mean to make you feel guilty."

Vegeta rolled onto his side staring lifelessly away from Goku into the river. Watching the raindrops hit and the ripples spread he fought against his own pain, it was the only distraction he could find – Goku had reminded him of all the good things, and he was right! Why did he feel so bad when he had so much good? The guilt was spreading quickly, all consuming – he wanted just one cut, he _needed _just one! Then the guilt would be gone – but with Goku there, how could he?

As the ripples spread Vegeta felt his eyes well up with pain, memories of the past flashed through his head increasing his urges . . .

Goku felt his heart rip. Damn! Vegeta had just opened up, more than he'd ever done in his life and Goku just made him feel guilty! Man, if Vegeta was cutting himself to feel better and Goku made him feel bad . . . He just wanted to help! He never meant to hurt Vegeta! Man, he really screwed things up . . .

A low moan escaped his lips, he felt so stupid. His hand trailed through the moist grass and over Vegeta's back onto his shoulder, he grasped tightly to reassure him, it was the only thing he could think of. "'Geta, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm not upset Kakarott. To be upset is to be weak."

"Vegeta I can hear it in your voice, you don't have to be ashamed of how you feel, especially in font of me. I'll never think any less of you; everyone gets upset at one time or another. I just wanted to know why you feel so bad – I never meant to imply that you shouldn't."

"Kakarott I _know_ you meant no harm." He paused and turned again to face Goku, his eyes were blurry and misty like he was on the verge of tears, but true to the Prince he held them back, forcing himself not to show any weakness. "I know you meant no harm and you caused no harm. I am fine."

Goku smiled dreamily. "It's kind of ironic, huh?"

"What is?"

"Both of us have serious problems and neither of us can talk about them, but if we did we'd probably be much better off."

"Yeah – I can certainly see the humour in that." He snorted and rolled his eyes.

Within seconds a low mechanical tune began playing, causing him to look to Goku expectantly. Goku jumped up onto his feet right away, laughing nervously. "Sorry – I forgot to turn my phone off!"

Standing tall he grabbed his phone from his pocket; he read the name on the front quizzically. Now that wasn't right . . . "I wonder why _he's_ calling?" Vegeta moved to his side standing closely from curiosity as the phone flipped open.

Goku gave a short yelp and moved the phone away from his ear, much to Vegeta's confusion. The frantic yells and cries on the other end were deafening. "Damn! Piccolo I think you burst my eardrum! What's going on?"

"What? When – when did this happen?" His face grew grave and pale. A pause. "Kami!" From the corners of his eyes tears grew. "Is he okay? Good – I'll be right there. What? Okay."

Closing the phone he turned to face Vegeta.

"Kakarott? What is it?"

"Piccolo, Chi-Chi – everyone's there! It's – I can't believe it!" Goku choked on thin air as he found himself falling to the ground gasping for breath. "They're so upset! Piccolo rang. _He's_ there!"

"Kakarott? Goku! Goku, what's happening?"

"It's – it's Gohan! He's in hospital! "

"What?"

"We've got to get there now 'Geta! Gohan's really bad!"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five 

A/N: A warning this chapter contains swearing and some mature content.

The room was so cold! Kami, did they have the air-conditioning on full blast and windows open? No – it was a hospital; they were usually kept warm, right? Still – it was really unnerving; at this moment his body was colder than ice, yet deep within himself Goku knew it was only his fear causing it. For once he barely registered the needles lying on the side, at any other time he wouldn't have even bothered to come in if he saw a needle within the room, but today all his fears and dread were consumed by the fact his eldest son nearly died. That was all that mattered.

He could barely bring himself to look around; the walls were so white and stark, and the noise of rushing doctors, of crying family, it was just so . . . so – so unsettling! His watering eyes fell on the to the centre of the room, where lying in the hospital bed was Son Gohan peaceful upon it, deep in a powerful sleep. His face was so pale and white and he seemed almost corpse like . . .

Goku nearly choked. The beeping of the machines was deafening, as his still son lay motionless by him. Why? Why, damn it! Gohan was the smart one, the responsible one, and the cheerful one! He looked after his brother, loved his parents and mentor, he had so many friends, Sharpener, Videl – what reason did he have to – to do something like this?

Goku jumped as a cold hand clasped his shoulder, the grip was cold and firm and it reassured him. He turned to see Vegeta. The solemn look on his face nearly made him want to cry, Vegeta looked though Gohan was dead and not recovering! Hell, Gohan was getting better! He might not have woken up yet, but he would soon! Goku's heart raced faster and faster in terror, his son would be okay, wouldn't he? Kami! He felt like he was going to burst or break down! His head had been screaming at him since he heard the news, and now it was drilling pain into him . . . He didn't know what he'd do if Gohan wasn't okay . . .

"How is he, Kakarott?"

Goku shivered. Surely he knew, didn't he?

He fell into a chair by Gohan's side and held his son's hand tightly, listening to the noises of the machines within the room. Vegeta's hand fell from his shoulder to his side and he watched his friend curiously.

"He – He should make a full recovery . . . at least that's what the doctors said."

"That's good news then, isn't it?" Vegeta moved to Goku, kneeling by his side he held onto his arm gently, trying to comfort him.

"Not really, 'Geta! I mean he tried to kill himself! He went to school like everything was normal, then he skived from lesson and -. Why, 'Geta, why? He has to be really upset to do something like this, Kami knows what he was thinking or why he needed to do it; his body might recover but what about his mind? What about that? And his wrist! That's going to be scarred forever!"

"I thought he was self-harming . . . I never thought he was suicidal."

"No one did. Otherwise we would have helped him, done whatever it took to make him feel better! Kami 'Geta, why did he do it?"

"I don't know Kakarott, I really don't, but it isn't your fault, remember that above everything else." He paused. "He's going to be okay."

Upon the door came a ringing knock. Goku was deaf to the noise, he was lost within Gohan's expression, gazing pain-stricken on the lifeless face. Vegeta was the one who had to greet the person who entered the room.

He watched as Bulma came in, face red and stained with tears, shaking quite badly as if she were trying to hold in all of her emotion and pain. She brushed a hand though her messy blue hair and fell onto the edge of the bed, staring into Gohan as if any minute he might awaken.

"Vegeta? Can I speak to Goku alone for a minute?"

"Why?"

"Vegeta!" Her voice was so shaken, she sounded on the verge of tears. Vegeta nodded and walked towards the doors.

"I'll be back in a while Kakarott."

As soon as he had left the room and the doors closed Bulma heaved a great sigh. She couldn't bring herself to look at Goku, his expression just held so much pain that it was unbearable, besides, if she looked at him too long she might not be able to stop the tears from flowing . . . Moving close to where he sat she placed her hand upon his and gave the best smile she could muster.

"Goku? I – I know you're upset, we all are. It was the first time I've ever seen Piccolo on the verge of tears; he's as broken as you. Just . . . I really need to speak to you, is that okay?"

"Sure." He choked out. "What's up?"

"Well its just Chi-Chi told me everything that happened between you two . . . about her violence and your arguments . . . and we both know that Vegeta invited you to stay at Capsule Corps, you know what Chi's like, she couldn't help but listen in to you guys. I was thinking though . . . that _maybe . . . _you staying with us isn't such a good idea . . ."

"What!" His head shot upwards and he stared into her eyes. His heart pounded with shock. What had Chi-Chi told her? "Why?"

A tear fell from the corner of her eye as she cringed. "It's – well it's -. I know what Chi-Chi did to you and I'm so sorry! I'm still furious with her for what she did and I wish I knew sooner – I could have helped you! But she – she told me the reason she kicked you out . . ."

"She kicked me out because she hates me, right? That's why she kept hitting me."

"No, Goku." Bulma started to fidget wildly, how was she supposed to break this? Goku was her best friend! Was she was supposed to admit she knew his secrets, was she supposed to play the bad guy to do the right thing? Goku was broken-hearted enough with his sons suicide attempt, and she had to bring this up – now? Kami . . . "She hit you, yeah – but she _says_ she always loved you. She – she told me she would have stayed with you forever, even if she couldn't control her anger but – but she had to make you leave. She made you go because she said you were in love with someone else . . ."

His face became bright crimson. "Uh – what? Um, how did she -? I mean -?"

"It's true?"

"Yeah, it's true . . . I do kind of – I -. Yeah, I love someone else, but how did -?"

"Chi find out? Well you confided everything in Krillon and like I said, you know Chi, she has a habit of eavesdropping. Apparently she said there were other clues though and she would have found out even if she hadn't eavesdropped, she said you spoke their name, in, err, certain situations . . ."

"Kami! Man, I'm so embarrassed! Sorry Bulma just – damn! I can't believe this! Does she know who it is, does she?"

"Yeah . . . She knows."

"Well this explains why she went crazy at me last night . . . I guess she told you who too?"

"Yeah. You know Goku, it doesn't matter to me, it's kind of sweet in fact, I mean you two have been friends for so long and it's sort of romantic. I just thought though, you staying might make things awkward between the two of you and I didn't want you getting hurt, especially when Gohan's like this." She gave a sincere smile. "Don't worry I won't tell anyone – even him."

"Thanks. I have no idea how Vegeta would take it . . ."

"I don't think he'd freak out or anything if that's what you're worried about, on Planet Vegeta it's quite normal, at least that's what I've been told. You know I think Vegeta told me once that guys can even have kids on your home planet!"

"So – is that what triggered Chi last night? Is that why she went crazy, because I like Vegeta?"

"Goku. Chi's got some serious issues and what she did was sick, but you got to understand, finding out your husband doesn't love you is bad enough, but finding out he loves his best friend is bound to make anyone a _little_ bit angry."

"Bulma?" He wrapped his tail around is waist tightly, still embarrassed with the situation and bright red. He looked at her and scratched his neck nervously, it was a habit he hadn't escaped since he was a child, whenever he felt embarrassed or nervous he scratched his neck. She gave a smile and leant back slightly.

"Yeah?"

"I'd still like to stay at yours, if it's okay? You don't have to worry about me, I won't get upset or anything and I know I have no chance with him . . . I know he probably sees me as just a friend. Just I could really use the company right now until I get myself back on my feet, and you and Vegeta are the two people I can trust with my life."

"Goku, you can stay as long as you want, I just wanted to make sure you'd be okay. If you need to talk at all you know where I am." She gave a wink and a soft laugh. "I'll tell you what, you've been in here for a few hours, why don't you go and see everyone or get some rest, I'll watch Gohan for you."

"Thanks Bulma, you're the greatest – make sure you tell me though as soon as he wakes up!"

"Of course I will! But don't get your hopes up, you know the doctor says he might be out for a day or two." She gave him a hug as he made to leave; he seemed a lot more relaxed than when she first saw him, maybe it was just the relief that he wasn't alone in all this? "The waiting rooms right across the hall, and the café is on the ground floor. If you're looking for Piccolo and Vegeta they've probably gone walkabouts somewhere, you know how anti-social those two are."

"Okay, thanks Bulma. I'll go find them."

"See you soon!"

He gave a sigh as the doors closed behind him, wandering out through the doors his heart sank. He watched as a young boy was rushed past on a stretcher, surrounded by shouting doctors – was that all the panic and fear that Gohan experienced as he was brought in? Kami! Was anyone with him, were they allowed being with him? Was he as alone as that kid?

His heart had to go to Videl though. The poor girl – she was the one who found him, in a pool of his own blood, she must have been so shaken, shocked. He wanted so much to thank her for helping him, to reassure her that Gohan would be okay but he couldn't, his heart broke merely mentioning his name, let alone talking about what happened . . .

Gazing across the corridor he became grateful the blinds of the waiting room were down, he'd hate for them to see him in this state, especially Goten or Trunks. Were they even in there? It was still early afternoon; maybe they were at school? Man, how would they react when they found out?

"Goku!"

He cringed at the voice. He wished he could turn around and see the face of one of his friends, but he knew that angry sound anywhere . . . He turned to see Chi-Chi storming along the corridor, she was crying wildly, and looked nearly hysterical, she looked as if she'd been weeping for hours. He shivered. Kami – he hoped she'd just go away; he couldn't deal with this right now.

He began to walk away. Vegeta and Piccolo had to be around here somewhere . . .

"Don't you _dare _ignore me, Son Goku!"

He froze – why did he do that? He did what she said without hesitation! It was one thing trying to avoid confrontation; it was another to be stupid enough to walk into danger. He turned to her and gave the best smile he could muster.

"Hi Chi. Gohan's doing well apparently, the doctors say -."

He stopped as her hand slapped him sharply across the face. The pain shot through him intently, a ringing burning sensation in his cheek. To think! Vegeta caused pain worse than that to himself to make him feel better. The pain only made Goku feel fearful and depressed. He held onto his cheek and rubbed gently, looking at Chi-Chi in complete shock. Would she really start this in a public place? She'd never done that before . . . Never.

"This is your fault Goku!" Her voice was high as she choked on tears nearly literally, the waterfalls began from her eyes as she delivered blow upon blow upon Goku, knocking him over onto the floor. "If you didn't leave Gohan wouldn't be upset! If you weren't getting beaten upon then he'd -!"

"Chi! You kicked me out! You're the one who -."

"Shut up!"

She looked like she was about to collapse with sheer agony – but Kami! There was no way she could feel as much pain as he did! It felt like his muscles were on fire and skin was torn in two, and to think that she caused it . . . The woman he once loved and trusted more than anything. He yelped as a powerful kick struck his spine.

Her face was red as blood. Why was it always Goku's fault, why? He curled into a ball as she began to strike him harder, this time delivering blows and kicks strong enough to make cracking noises on impact. He closed his mind – everything went white, even though he could feel the pain his mind was dead and nothing was real . . . He had to block this out.

This wasn't fair! He'd left her! He'd left! Yet, she was s_till _able to hurt him like this . . .

Suddenly she stopped. Why?

"What the fucks going on?" Goku knew that voice! It was Vegeta! He raised his head slightly, trying to see what lay ahead only to receive an agonising blow to his healing nose. He screamed slightly as he held onto it, blood pouring once more.

Everything was going so fast. All he could make out was Bulma trying to pull Chi-Chi away, and then suddenly no hits touched him. Bulma must have succeeded. Vegeta screaming and yelling abuse, it looked like Piccolo was holding him back, but with Goku's eyes so blurry he could hardly tell . . .

"Let me fucking go, you green bean bastard! I'll fucking kill that witch!"

Piccolo's grip on Vegeta's arms remained strong as he held the Prince close to his chest, it was almost impossible to keep a hold of the Saiyan as his relentless barrage of kicks, punches and trying to break free went on. The Prince was crimson with livid rage.

"Vegeta! Calm down. Beating her up won't help."

"The hell it won't!"

The next thing Goku knew was Chi-Chi had walked, calmly and composed as she usually portrayed herself in company into the waiting room, where he could now hear plenty of noise and raised voices, perhaps they heard what was going on?

Bulma helped him to his feet. He cringed again realising he could barely stand; the pain in his legs was overwhelming. It hadn't been that bad in a while; why now? She must have been really upset! Kami, was she right? Was this his fault?

"Let me go, shit for brains!"

Goku gave a slight smile; even when something serious happened Vegeta was the same guy he always was, ready to kill the person that hurt his friends or family. After swearing again and trying once more to break free, Bulma gave a twitch; her patience was nearing breaking point. As Vegeta carried on finally Bulma snapped. "Vegeta shut up! Calm down, will you? Goku needs your help and like Piccolo said, beating Chi-Chi won't do that! And if you swear one more time I'll -"

"You'll what! Scold me some more!" He stopped. His heart was beating hard against his chest, his rage boiling within his veins. He stopped struggling. "Fine, like I care. Let me go Piccolo, I'll behave, you have my word."

"Yeah? Then you won't mind me holding onto your arm, just in case."

Before Vegeta could retort Goku had already began his questions. "What happened? Where did you guys come from?"

Bulma smiled and helped him walk over to Piccolo and Vegeta. "I was only in the room next door, and by the looks of it these two were returning just when it happened. Are you okay?"

"Not really." His eyes gazed ahead to his two friends, Piccolo was avoiding his gaze for some reason, and he looked almost guilty, what was wrong? No! Did Goku do something to upset him? Was Chi right? Was this his entire fault? "What's up Piccolo?"

"Nothing Goku. Ask Vegeta."

Bulma looked quizzically along with Goku to Vegeta – both suddenly found themselves weak, the front of Vegeta's shirt was red, _blood_ red. The fabric of his shirt was wet, soaking even and the red colour filled the whole chest area of him. Bulma's lips quivered as she gazed at Vegeta with confusion and pain.

"Vegeta?"

He closed his eyes and shook Piccolo's hand from his arm. What did she want him to say? He opened his eyes and looked at Goku, he nearly fell to the ground weak, the taller Saiyan looked so hurt, so confused, so pain-stricken – it wasn't Chi-Chi that caused that. It was him. He nearly collapsed to his knees as guilt consumed him. After what Goku had been through the last thing he wanted was to hurt him!

He needed to do one more. . . Just one more. . . The guilt was too much!

A tear fell from Goku's face.

"Vegeta? Is that blood?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

His dark eyes travelled to Goku for support, it nearly broke his heart to gaze at him. He looked so distraught, all the joy in his face had vanished and tears had already formed in his eyes; to think, these cuts were hurting him as much as what Gohan had did . . . it was his fault Goku was so heartbroken.

A powerful shudder shivered down his spine. He was really hurting them wasn't he? Every cut might as well be a blow to their hearts. He did this to feel better yet it only made them feel worse, and Goku – Goku looked like the cuts were on his skin and not Vegeta's! The guilt burrowed deep within him as his mind shattered. The last thing he wanted was to hurt them. Kami! He hated himself so much!

Wildly his heartbeat against his ribs, pounding painfully within his throat, every breath he took was fast and forced and the sickness was rising so fast . . . What did they want him to say? What _could _he say? Damn it – that damned earth expression was wrong, the truth wouldn't set him free it would only bind him to his pain . . .

"Vegeta?" Goku choked out the word as tears ran over his skin; he watched Vegeta as his soft hands ran up his jacket doing it up, blocking the red stain from sight. "Is it – is it blood?"

"Yes."

The silence was deafening. It felt like all eyes were burning upon his chest. Piccolo was the first to break the quiet as a low grunt escaped his throat; he was staring through the windows of Gohan's room, looking at the boy carefully. Surely what Vegeta was doing wasn't that important? Why were they even bothering with him for?

Gohan was lying there, after nearly losing his life, in great emotional pain and depression, then there was Goku who was being abused and beaten by Chi – then there was Vegeta, and what -? Vegeta thought his problems were equal or more serious than theirs? He thought he needed to resort to _cutting_ himself to make them go away? Gohan and Goku couldn't control the pain that was inflicted upon them but Vegeta could! He was trivialising all their agony!

He'd be damned if he gave into such attention-seeking, the Prince just wanted the spotlight as always, in battles, in life and in general and he was just trying to be the centre of attention, jealous of a boy on a hospital bed. No way in HFIL would he give into that . . .

"I'm guessing you three are going to want to talk?"

"Yeah, of course we are," Bulma said, confusion filling her speech, "I think we really need to."

"Well personally what Vegeta does _isn't_ concern my concern, he can damage his body however he wants but he won't be getting my attention for it. I'd rather keep watch over Gohan. Tell me when you're done."

Vegeta's eyes rolled as the Namek walked away. He felt lucky that Piccolo didn't care; it made things easier for him, but Bulma on the other hand . . . She cared as much as Goku and for that he was probably most unlucky. He cricked his neck acting nonchalant.

Bulma brushed a hand shakily through her hair as crystal tears formed and ran as waterfalls over her pale skin, despite her pain she still seemed quite angelic, the way her blue eyes focused upon him with such interest was almost magical.

"Vegeta? How?"

"How what?"

"How did you get that blood on you?"

He sighed, looking away from her. Maybe the truth wouldn't be so bad? She'd appreciate the honesty over a lie, right? "I – I cut myself on my chest."

"So, it's self-harm?"

He nodded. Why did she care so much? He wasn't hurting her! He hadn't picked up his blade and carved their skin, had he? Besides it was his body, he had a right to treat it how he pleased . . . This wasn't her concern. Still, if he really believed that then _why_ did every glance he dared to give her fill him with remorse? His tail swung behind him nervously. He had to get out of here, he couldn't bear this any longer, it was too much! They were both so hurt . . .!

His breathing sped up as he realised how nervous he truly was, the pain was carving him deeply and he just wanted, _needed_ one cut to erase it, he needed it to go!

"It isn't important. Don't worry. All that matters is that Goku is okay." He looked over to his companion and felt his tears rising again; he tried to act calm and unbothered. "You okay, Kakarott?"

"Vegeta! Goku is fine. I'm going to make sure that Chi doesn't come near him, and he knows he can talk to you or to me whenever he needs to, you on the other hand -. You never talk to me! And I can protect Goku from other people but how can I protect you from yourself? So don't you tell me it's not important because it is!" She paused, choking on tears. "Vegeta I want to help you, I really do! But how can I when you won't even admit it's a problem?"

"It's not a problem though! It helps me deal and cope with things! If it weren't for these bloody cuts then I might be lying where Gohan his in his place, you guys might be crying over me instead. If you ask me cutting isn't a problem it's a solution – it's the only one I have and it keeps me alive,"

"Vegeta there's other ways to cope . . ."

"Yeah? You don't think I know that?"

Crap! He could feel the tears falling down his face; this was weak! He was showing a great weakness and to them of all people – the two he trusted and loved and he was showing them this weakness! Kami knows what they'd think of him. He could feel his anger rising with his pain. He was weak, he needed punishment for this, he needed to get rid of this feeling – if they weren't here then he could help himself, _just one cut _he thought . . . Then again that was what was scaring him most of all, recently he needed to do more of them and do them deeper just to get the same relief . . .

He breathed deeply and tried to calm down. "Don't you think if there were other ways to cope I'd have used them?"

"I don't know, I didn't even know you were doing this, I don't even know why you're doing it. Vegeta, listen to me, I want to help you -."

"Look, we can talk about this later. Tonight maybe. Right now isn't the time, onna."

"Well when is the time? This couldn't have started just this minute; so how long has it been going on for? How long have you been doing it? And why haven't you made time before now to talk?"

"I didn't want to worry you."

"Well it's too late for that . . ."

Vegeta collapsed against the cold wall, leaning on its cold surface for support; it was the only thing that could keep him upright right now. His mind was spinning in rapid circles and his head ached with an intense pain. Why couldn't she understand? He wasn't doing it to hurt her, that's why he never told her! Damn it – why did no one understand . . .

He sighed and covered his eyes with his hand; this was too much.

"Vegeta?"

He looked up through watering eyes; it was Goku's voice. It was strange really, Goku was his friend and rival and even though he felt so awful, and was showing him such weakness the sound of Goku was reassuring . . . It was calming.

Goku's heart melted as he looked at Vegeta. He was so beautiful, so handsome and he had so much going for him, so much power and potential – in fact he had reached the same power level as Goku! All his training had paid off and he'd achieved his life-long goal! Yet, even though he achieved his aims and despite his beauty he had all this pain inside him . . . Where was the justice? He just wished he could do something to help. Seeing Vegeta in such internal agony made his heart rip in two . . .

Giving Bulma a reassuring smile he walked slowly over to Vegeta, standing close beside him. He had to do something to make him feel better, he couldn't let this carry on – if Vegeta ended up in the situation Gohan was in, he didn't know what he'd do . . . Looking into his eyes gently Goku gave the kindest smile he could muster and leant even closer.

His heart fell – the Prince couldn't even bring himself to look Goku in the eyes! His face was just so full of guilt and pain . . .

Goku moved his hand slowly up over Vegeta's arm, tracing the muscles lightly; he just wanted to help him, to make him feel better, and he loved him too much to see him hurt. His hand soon found its way to his neck, and his other hand placed extremely softly upon his chest, he held him softly; Vegeta flinched at the touches not expecting either. His hands were so cold but so comforting, the contact felt good.

Gently he stroked his neck with his thumb and came even closer to Vegeta, whose tail was now waving playfully behind him. He tried so hard to control it but he couldn't – his tail just kept waving on its own accord. Damn it! Was he really enjoying this? Goku was probably trying to comfort him as a friend and he acted like a schoolgirl in return? At least Goku didn't know how strong he felt right now . . . Still, why was he enjoying this so much? Why did it make him feel so much better? Kami, this wasn't right but he wanted more . . .

He sighed and looked at Goku curiously. Why was this Saiyan stroking his neck for anyway, that wasn't a normal thing when you were trying to comfort a friend, right? That was something you did to a -. Man, he was probably totally wrong. He had to get that notion out of his head!

"Vegeta, please, we just want to help you."

"I know that Kakarott."

Bulma gave a sharp cough and walked over to Goku, in her eyes was a look of annoyance and worry; she tapped Goku on the shoulder firmly. Giving him an expectant look she shook her head – he shouldn't be doing this, it might make it obvious to Vegeta how Goku felt, ore it might just make him feel uncomfortable . . . "Goku, remember what we were talking about in Gohan's room . . .?" She nodded subtly at Vegeta.

"Yeah, what about – oh." She meant he shouldn't be touching Vegeta like that, right? It was crossing the line, or wasn't appropriate or something . . .? She was probably right, he was upset and acting like this wouldn't be helping.

He sighed and let go of the Prince who was now looking quite dejected. Vegeta wrapped his tail quickly around his waist and looked away blushing, hugging his body tightly. Wait – Vegeta was -? Goku gave a little silent laugh and a smile. If he didn't know better he'd say Vegeta was blushing! He looked kind so cute crimson . . .

"Vegeta?" Bulma started, distracting Goku from his thoughts, "Piccolo's already offered to watch Gohan, so why don't you go get Goku's things and take them home and we'll meet you there?"

"Why?"

"Because we all need some rest, especially Goku and you after all you've both been through, and Goku's staying at ours, remember?"

"Fine, whatever."

"Oh and whilst your out you can pick Goten and Trunks up from school." She gave a laugh as Vegeta's usual look of fury returned, he always hated been given orders or work to do, and picking up the 'brats' from school wasn't his idea of fun, that was the onna's damn job . . .

"You want me to break the news to them about Gohan?" He said with a devious smile.

"No!" She cried, a little louder than she wanted. "If it's anything like your talks with Trunks it'll go along the lines of, 'oh Gohan's dead. Or something, I can't remember really I just know he lost a whole load of blood. Oh yeah kids, Goten's dads been abused and kicked out of home, so you'll have plenty of time to ask him all about it. Hey! Don't cry you brats or I'll kick your ass!' Am I right?"

"The direct approach works best."

"There's direct and then there's disturbing!"

"Who cares? It sounds all right to me, and if it was up to me that's what I'd tell them. What's wrong with it?"

"Everything's wrong with it! Unless emotionally scarring them is your goal!" She sighed and shook her head, "Look just go get the boys and Goku's stuff."

"And where am I supposed to _put_ his stuff?"

"I don't know." She said flustered. "Just put in your room out the way for now . . ."

Goku watched Vegeta as he strolled down the corridor and out of sight; he smiled to himself admiring the sight. Man, he loved Vegeta so much, and just touching him like before had made him weak and his heart melt, he just wished he could spend longer with him, talk to him, be with him . . . He jumped as Bulma cleared her throat loudly.

"Goku? Why don't we head back to CC now? It'd be good to talk a while, and when Vegeta gets back I think it's really important that we all talk, and an early night would be good too – the sooner we wake up the sooner we can see Gohan."

"Bulma?"

"Yeah?"

Goku looked away nervously, what would she say if she asked her what he wanted to? Would she think it a bad idea? Would she think it sweet? Only one way to find out. . . Besides he could do with some good advice. "I was wondering . . . do you think that when Vegeta gets back I should tell him – you know?"

"That you like him?"

"Yeah."

Bulma gave a sincere smile. "Sounds like a good idea to me."

Well at least she approved, but Kami! It'd be so hard to tell Vegeta . . . Maybe he should go for the more direct approach and just show him? No – that wouldn't be good, would it? Well Bulma wouldn't agree, he knew that much . . . Damn, how was he supposed to tell Vegeta? Turning a crimson red Goku scratched his neck nervously.

"Don't get embarrassed Goku, it's all completely normal – and besides he might feel the same way about you too."

"I hope so . . ." He muttered.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Warning: Some swearing and some mild yaoi.  
A/N: I'm not quite sure how the chapters turned out, two days of college and I have about a truck-load of work _and _writers block and some other stuff too! But the good news is that the 'other stuff's' inspired me plenty for the next chapter, so I'll try and get that up soon;o).

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He groaned loudly, he was starting to really loathe this infernal silence, it just made his thoughts louder and his hope smaller, and the sound of the quiet was far too loud . . . Every breath, every move and every ticking of the clock sounded loud enough to shatter an eardrum. His head felt like it was spinning, so many things were attacking his mind!

Slowly Goku's eyes travelled across the lounge to Bulma, she had barely said one word to him on the way to CC and hadn't said anything since they sat down, all she did was stare out of the windows as if hypnotised – the temptation to tell her the answers to their problems weren't outside was overwhelming. How could she be so cool when everything was goingso bad?

It looked as though she was shivering; she had to be cold or very upset.

Goku sighed, his dark eyes moving to the mobile by his side. It was if the more he stared at it the more it might ring, he knew it was stupid but he was so desperate to hear the news he longed for – he just wanted Vegeta to call and say he was better and didn't need to cut, or for Gohan to ring and say he was awake and just made a mistake . . .

It wasn't going to happen though, was it? He had to face that reality, there weren't going to be any magical solutions tohis problems . . . No one would be calling to say everything was fine, he'd just have to find his own solutions and help them as best as he could.

Stretching out on the soft material of the sofa Goku took the chance to have a good look around; it made him smile, on the way here Bulma was complaining and apologising how small the room was but looking around the place was the size of a football pitch! It was filled with the most exquisite things, the only thing that was missing was – was life . . . A living room is designed to be lived in after all . . .

He turned back to Bulma who was trapped in a world of her own.

"Hey, Bulma?"

Turning around in the armchair with a smile she snapped back to reality. "What's up?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm not much company right now, huh? It's just with Vegeta and especially Gohan . . . I don't know, I'm just worried I guess."

Goku jumped as a loud slamming noise echoed throughout the room, it sounded like it was coming from across the building and judging by Bulma's look it was quite normal. Sitting up he leant quizzically to his side looking behind him through the open door, giving a shrug he turned back to Bulma who simply rolled her eyes.

"That'll be -."

"_Kami damn you brats! If you don't shut up I'll blast you to HFIL!" _

Goku winced. The screaming was deafening! He knew that voice anywhere! He _also_ knew what was going on. Luckily though it sounded like they were quite far away so he still had a minute to get some advice from Bulma. Looking at her she was squinting with frustration and clenching her fists – only Vegeta could annoy someone without even being in the same room as them . . .

" –Vegeta." She sighed.

"Sounds like he hasn't told Trunks and Goten about what's been happening, otherwise they wouldn't be so hyper."

"I totally forgot!" Raking a hand nervously through her hair she shot up suddenly, shaking slightly with panic. She'd totally forgot that! The boys didn't know, and someone had to tell them, but it wasn't exactly something easy to do, and Kami! How would they react? What would they say? Damn . . . "Goku, they don't know yet about what's going on? One of us has to tell them. Which one of us is it going to be?"

"Huh? Why does it _have_ to be one of us? I mean about Chi and me breaking up, and about Gohan you could get Chi to tell them _or_ Piccolo!"

"You're scared to tell them aren't you? Don't worry it won't be that bad, but Chi and Piccolo can't be the ones to break it to them. I mean if Chi tells them then they'll get a fairytale untrue version." She couldn't look at him for too long, he looked so innocent and confused; it was impossible to think he didn't already know that.

"Well what about Piccolo?"

"He'll give the truth to them Vegeta style, blunt and painful."

"Well why don't you tell them then, Bulma? I mean I needed to talk to Vegeta in private anyway right? Whilst I talk to him you could break it to the boys."

He waited a minute in silence as Bulma thought it through; she walked over to the sofa to Goku and sat down softly. She had to admit, it actually sounded like a good idea . . . She smiled slightly and leant back, locking eyes with Goku.

"Yeah okay, but if you and Vegeta end up a couple then _you'll _be the one telling them that one." She gave a soft laugh, "I'm not going to be the one piling on _all_ the news and life-changing surprises." She gave him a wink to show she was being sincere.

"Err, yeah – about that . . . I kind of need some advice . . ."

"You mean about Vegeta?"

"Yeah . . ." His tail began waving behind him nervously as he felt his face go crimson, he was suddenly aware he'd been staring at his hands for a long time. Why was he so embarrassed for anyway? Bulma wouldn't mind some questions, would she? "It's just that -. Well I've never told anyone I've liked them before, I mean Chi was the one to ask me out and – and you've been out with Yamcha and Vegeta, and I was wondering . . . well, how did they ask you out?"

She gave a smile as she placed a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "Well to tell truth, Yamcha just went bright red and nervous and said it all so fast I could barely make heads or tails of it, it took me ages to figure out what he was trying to say."

"What about Vegeta?"

"Well that was just lust, _not _love, we didn't really go out, we just – you know. Anyway, we never loved each other in that way so he never said it."

"Oh . . ."

"You want my advice?"

He nodded.

"Just say what comes from the heart. Tell him the truth and you'll be fine."

Goku jumped as their conversation was cut short by a screaming Vegeta storming into the living room, spinning around Goku watched him as he punched a fist hard into the wall, ki flaring wildly. There was a flicker of blue in his eyes, as his face blushed with anger.Great, he was furious, this would be a perfect time to tell him . . . Sighing Goku watched him and felt his heart melt once more, damn though, he looked so cute, even when he was angry he looked cute.

Vegeta flew further in and collapsed onto the floor in front of Goku and Bulma, his tail was dead straight and rigid as rage coursed through his veins, his muscles were tense and he was even grabbing the air from annoyance.

"Those fucking bastards! Damn them!" He glared across the sofa ignoring Goku to stare with great menace to Bulma. "I swear if they come near me I'll blast their heads off! I demand that you keep them away from me!"

"Vegeta, calm the Hell down! Why the HFIL are you so upset?"

He growled, punching the air wildly as he yelled loudly once more. "You want to know why I'm upset? I picked them up from school like you wanted, and I'll tell you, first I had to have a meeting with their imbecile of a teacher, apparently those freaks have tried to teach the class mice to ki blast -."

"Is that even possible?" Goku asked looking puzzled . . .

"Of course it bloody isn't! They were just being stupid and trying to have fun! I don't know where they got the idea from, or why they thought it amusing but Kami their teacher had a lot to say about it!"

Bulma gave a short chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

"Well, I just thought if a monkey like you can ki blast why can't a mouse? I'm pretty sure they have more brains after all . . ."

"Shut up! You don't know what they did next! You want to know what happened afterwards?"

"What?"

"Well I brought them home andcame in after they _finally_ stopped crying -."

Bulma lifted her hand and leant forward. "Wait, _why_ were they crying?"

"You think I'd let them get away with what they did? I was bored out of my mind in that meeting! Anyway -." He said shaking a hand at Bulma, "Then I went to put Goku's crap away and they decided to draw pictures of me – in a freaking tutu! So believe me when I say that I soon taught them a lesson they won't _ever _forget."

Bulma glared at him as he started laughing. "_Where_ are they now, Vegeta?"

"How the hell should I know?"

She gave a scream of frustration as she stormed out of the living room, slamming the door behind. Vegeta carried on laughing, his eyes almost watering.

"Did they really do all that?"

"Hard to believe, huh? Well I wouldn't have thought that my brat was stupid enough to mock me, but apparently he is."

"So what did you do to them?" He was starting to get worried now, Vegeta was strict with punishments at the best of times, and Trunks was used to it, so to get Trunks to cry . . . What did he _do_ to them?

"Nothing that bad." He paused and moved over to the sofa, collapsing onto the soft fabric by Goku.

Goku felt his heart race. At least the Prince seemed more relaxed now; despite the fact his sadistic side made Bulma furious and left the Goku wondering if the boys were okay, he was happy about it all . . . Goku watched him nervously. Man, he was so gorgeous, it wasn't often he smiled, but when he did - wow. Kami! He was getting distracted! He was supposed to be telling Vegeta what he felt not admiring his body and looks . . . His stomach twisted in fear. Why was this so hard?

Vegeta was the first to break the silence, turning to face Goku fully. "So the onna told me you wanted to talk?"

"Err yeah . . ." He could feel his breathing speed up as it got harder and harder to breathe, he just wanted to run away and forget about it, this as way to hard to do! The 'what-ifs' were plaguing his mind non-stop . . .

"Well what's it about? Chi, Gohan, me or what?"

"It's about you . . ."

Vegeta raised an eyebrow and looked Goku suspiciously in the eye. Goku looked so nervous and so embarrassed . . . It was strange; he'd never seen him like this before . . . "I'm guessing this isn't about the cuts?"

Goku winced; this was getting more difficult by the second! It'd be so easy to say it was and ignore this, but how long could he hide his feelings? No – he had to tell him how he felt and it had to be now. "No – err . . . It's a little – well it's – look, promise me 'Geta that you won't freak out?"

"I promise."

"You won't go all weird or anything?"

"No. Now spit it out, Kakarott!"

Fidgeting wildly Goku felt his face blush like crazy, it was impossible to stay calm, even Bulma's advice and support couldn't help him through this moment. What if he said no? What if he said _yes_? Damn, this could ruin their friendship; yet it could make things so much better . . . Man, what was he supposed to do? He struggled to find his nerve and realised that telling Vegeta would be impossible. Maybe he should try his direct approach . . .?

"'Geta? You mind if I show you instead of tell you?"

"Fine. Whatever it is then show me, just do it _now_ before I tire of this conversation!"

Okay, well he asked for it, right? Goku turned fully to face Vegeta eye to eye, the Prince seemed so curious and yet so confused, his face was observing Goku for any clues about what was to happen . . . Goku nearly moaned aloud, his deep, onyx eyes were so alluring, so attractive he could stare into them for years and never grow tired.

Vegeta shivered as Goku carefully placed a hand upon his neck, gently stroking it lightly causing him to grow warm, he hated to admit it but Goku's touch felt kind of nice too. Leaning closer he felt his tail wave behind him and his heart beat faster.

Goku breathed deeply. Well, this was it. He couldn't change his mind now, he'd have to do it and see what Vegeta felt. He leant closer causing Vegeta to shudder as he felt Goku's moist breath on his cheek.

Goku could have melted from the touch as he brought his lips to the being in front of him, Vegeta felt so soft it was unbelievable; gently kissing him he softly leant further into him, wrapping his arms around the tight muscles of his body. He nearly lost control as he heard a low moan escape Vegeta's mouth and felt his tail wrap slowly around his waist, it made his want to cry aloud, he felt so warm, so relaxed, he wanted more.

As Vegeta's mouth opened Goku took the opportunity to get more access plunging his tongue in, tasting the sweet sensation of the Prince, the sweet warm taste was amazing, no words could describe it – this felt so good, so right . . . The kiss grew more passionate as he pushed Vegeta onto his back, lying him on the couch, the kiss not breaking once – he felt himself grow as Vegeta returned the kisses, each one growing more and more intense, growing more and more passionate. He groaned as Vegeta's hand stroked his back sensitively.

Moaning loudly he broke the kiss, looking deep into Vegeta's eyes – his eyes were full of surprise and joy, lust and love . . . Goku smiled, he could look into these eyes forever, the beauty in them was overwhelming. Did this mean Bulma was right? Did this mean Vegeta liked him in return, even _loved _him?

His thoughts broke as suddenly he felt Vegeta's hand push hard at his chest, he looked back into the eyes but this time saw nothing but shock and panic. Vegeta pushed him again knocking him away. He landed on the bottom of the sofa, gazing with total confusion and pain at his companion who'd now climbed off the sofa and was pacing the room.

"Vegeta?" Goku's voice was trembling, the warmth and lust within him had faded with pain but his love was ever strong. "What's the matter? Did I do something wrong? Don't you love me?"

"It – it isn't you Goku. Kami, I'm sorry Kakarott – I just – I – I'm sorry!" He mumbled, grabbing his head as if he was in pain, he looked like he was on the verge of tears. "I – I'm sorry."

Without warning he'd raced out the room. What the HFIL happened? Wasn't Vegeta enjoying it? Didn't he let Goku do it and return it too? This had to be his fault, he did something wrong, he hurt him and scared him . . . Goku felt his heart rip in two . . . This was too much, too painful . . .

He felt a tear fall over his cheek as the phone rang shaking him from his painful trance and aching mind. It took all his strength to pick the contraption up, who would want to speak to him? Why couldn't they just leave him to his own agony? Picking it up he flipped it open and sighed heavily with pain.

"Hello?" He said holding back his tears. "What – you're joking? Kami!"

A smile broke from his quivering lip as he raced to the doors flinging them open; the phone fell from his shaking hand as he screamed for his two friends.

"Vegeta! Bulma! Gohan's awake! He's finally woken up!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight **

A/N: Sorry for the update delay - not much time to write recently :o(

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"Gohan!" 

Kami! He'd _never_ been so happy to see a hospital in his whole life! He couldn't stop the soft laugh from falling from his lips as he stumbled through the door; he could spend eternity in here and not even care, not now anyway.

The transformation in the room was remarkable, and it wasn't just his relief that made the room seem warmer than before, everywhere he looked he could see piles of chocolates, mazes of flowers and a mass of light flooding through the many open windows, there was even a pile of study guides that were brought no doubt by Chi-Chi.

The only thing that seemed out of place was lying in the centre of it all, Gohan, he looked so lifeless and still on the white sheets; he was so pale, so weak! It wasn't right, he was awake and yet he looked so death-like! Where was the justice? Why couldn't he wake up healthy and okay? Why? Gohan was a good kid; he didn't deserve any of this. Racing through the doorframe Goku nearly tripped over his own feet, scrambling to get to Gohan's side as his heart melted, cold tears cooling his shivering skin, rolling like raindrops over the window . . . His whole body felt so relaxed, so ecstatic, Gohan was okay, he was going to be fine.

Only fifteen or so minutes ago he was dying from his agony, with his heart ripped from his chest and stomped on the ground, only a while ago all he felt was complete sorrow, all he wanted was for Vegeta to tell him what was wrong, to love him, and now -? And now he was crying with complete relief, happiness and obsessing over the one before him. Everything was changing so fast . . .

"Hi son! Glad you're awake! We've been so worried!"

Gohan's weak face turned to face Goku's who had already collapsed to his knees, running his hands through Gohan's hair like he was a child again, he just wanted to comfort him, make sure he was okay. He gave a faint smile and looked around the room casually, the only other people in here were Chi-Chi and Piccolo, and his mentor looked almost as distraught as Goku and Chi-Chi. Where was everyone else though?

"Dad, I'm so sorry. I never meant for you guys to be so upset, I didn't think -!"

"Hush, quiet Gohan." He was crying rivers now; he could feel the tears racing past one another in competition. Kami what would Gohan think of him? He was supposed to be making him feel better not guilty. "You have nothing to be sorry about Gohan. It's going to be okay."

Gohan shook his head silently looking around the room. He seemed almost puzzled. "Where is everyone? Where's Goten? I want to see little bro. Where is he?"

Goku shuddered. "We haven't told Goten all the facts yet, he knows your sick and in hospital but that's about it, no one wanted to upset him by bringing him here. He sends you all his love though, and Trunks said to send you a punch for worrying everyone so much." He gave a quick laugh and a wink to show Trunks was being sincere. "Their both at Capsule Corps, with Mrs Brief's and Dr. Brief's right now, you can see them as soon as you're up to it."

"So what about everyone else? Where's Bulma, Krillon, _Videl _-!"

Goku shrugged. He only just got here and he had no idea, he was as clueless as Gohan. Why weren't they here? Didn't they want to be? It was Chi-Chi who answered him; kneeling down beside Gohan opposite Goku she held his right hand and gave a sweet smile.

"Sweetie, the doctors said only immediate family were allowed in, you're supposed to be resting after all. Videl says to tell you she loves you and she'd not going to leave here until you're better, she's hasn't left the waiting room since you came in, only of course to sit with you, she's really sweet that girl. Bulma and the rest are all in the waiting room too, they're the ones who gave you all these flowers and presents."

Goku gave a bright smile. "See, they all care about you, and when you get out soon you can see them all again!"

The light in Gohan's face drained, replaced quickly with a pale white ghost like complexion. Goku had never seen Gohan frown before, not properly, but now – now he was frowning and looked almost scared and annoyed; he rolled onto his side facing Chi-Chi, his back to Goku.

Goku reached a hand out onto his shoulder, what was wrong? What did he say?

Kami he wished he knew what he was feeling right now. If he only knew maybe he'd know what he did wrong, why Gohan did this to himself. Was it something he did? Something he said? He didn't know how he'd cope if this was his fault, but maybe he'd soon find out, after all Chi-Chi always blamed him, maybe this time she was right . . .

He heard a sharp cough from Chi; turning his head to face her she seemed almost sincere. "He's just a bit upset, Goku."

"Isn't that obvious? He wouldn't be lying here otherwise." He hissed the words with such anger that she scowled in return; folding her arms she gave him a stern look.

"That isn't what I meant. He's upset because he has to _stay_ in here for a few days for observational purposes and then he needs to have an emergency session with the psychiatrist to see if he's fit to leave."

Letting out a low sigh he watched Gohan carefully, his breathing seemed sort of shaky, like he was crying. Goku still didn't understand. "I don't get it. Why is that making him upset for?"

"He thinks that they'll think he's unfit and keep him sectioned here for weeks or months. He doesn't want to stay here longer than he has to, and besides, even if they let him go he's going to need a lot of appointments with the psychologist."

"Oh."

He moved back onto the chair and watched as Piccolo moved down to Gohan's eye-level trying to comfort him, Chi-Chi moved silently around the bed to Goku's side. He shuddered with fear as she knelt down beside him, her arm found its way onto his. Was she trying to reassure him? Her eyes were focused on the floor as if one look at him might cause her to cry. She whispered gently to him so Gohan and Piccolo couldn't hear.

"Where were you and what took you so long to get here?"

"It only took me fifteen minutes after you guys called me to get here, I was only gone a few hours Chi, no longer than that."

Rolling her eyes she held back her tears courageously. "Gohan needed you, where were you?"

"I was at Capsule Corps with 'Geta and Bulma, I had to talk to him about – about something . . ."

"Yeah, I can guess what that something would be."

Goku remained silent. Why was she acting so annoyed and irritated when Gohan was lying in that state? This wasn't the right time, Gohan was more important than any of their silly arguments or disagreements, he had to come first damn it! Kami, this wasn't right! Why couldn't she accept the fact he didn't love her and why couldn't she just let him live his own life? Why wasn't she concentrating on Gohan? As he let his mind wander to Vegeta, he felt like such a hypocrite, Chi-Chi should concentrate on their son but it was okay for him to focus on 'Geta? Still – what was Vegeta doing right now? Was he okay?

"Look, I haven't done anything wrong so don't give me a guilt trip, it's not going to do me nor Gohan any good."

"What would you know about doing Gohan any good?" She hissed.

Ah, here was the Chi-Chi he knew. Showing her true colours at last. He was seconds away from answering back, finally finding his courage to stand up for himself (and the fact Piccolo was there by his side helped him feel brave) but a loud sound echoed wildly throughout the room. Goku jumped as the door rapped with a sudden knocking, even Chi jumped with shock.

Bulma opened the door with a nervous smile; she looked around quickly with glazed eyes and a worried expression, as her eyes feel on Goku she sagged with relief. "Hi guys, how you feeling Gohan?"

"Like I've been hit by a train."

"That's normal, you're be back on your feet in no time though and then we can talk about this properly. You can talk to me whenever and wherever, I'm always here for you Gohan."

A soft sigh escaped her lips as she looked at him with tears forming in her eyes, she just wanted so badly to help him and calm him, if he told her how he was feeling she might have been able to stop him, make him feel better. Maybe he wouldn't have done this? Maybe -? Why had he done this though? Was it the abuse he witnessed? The pressure on him? Why? She turned to Goku, brushing a hand through her hair as tears fell.

"Goku, can I speak to you outside a moment? It's important."

"Err, sure." Goku turned to Gohan and ruffled his hair. "I'll be back soon as I can, okay son?"

The only answer he got was the empty silence; his heart broke as cold fear spread through him. Was Gohan still feeling suicidal? Did he still want to -? No. No, he couldn't feel like that! Kami he hoped not, but then that would explain the silent answer . . . He moved slowly to the door, taking one last glance at Gohan through watery eyes. Why did he do this? Why?

As he stepped outside into the corridor he was almost blinded by the light, shielding his eyes he dared a glance to Bulma, she looked so pale, so deathly, her eyes were darting around all over the place. She closed the door firmly shut behind them. What was wrong?

"Err, Goku?" Her voice was shaking as she continued to look around, almost as if she was avoiding looking directly at Goku. "Sorry about disturbing you, I know you're busy and all, just – well - . . . Have you seen Vegeta?"

"No, last time I saw him was when – when I kissed him. I told you all about it in the Capsule car on the way here . . . Why? Is something wrong?"

"He came to the hospital looking for you, I told him to wait with us in the waiting room and we started talking, you know? He was telling me what happened between you guys but he sounded really low and upset, guilty even, then he just stormed out and I haven't been able to find him since – can you sense his ki? I'm worried that he might be -."

"Don't say it. Please, just don't say it. Gohan's already in a bad state I don't want to imagine Vegeta in one." Bulma watched Goku, his hand was violently shaking as he tried to move it over his face, he looked like he could cry any second. "Vegeta, he – he can't be like that, he can't be."

"I wasn't suggesting he was suicidal, I just thought he might -."

"Try and hurt himself?"

Looking away softly she closed her eyes trying to focus on something else, with all their other problems and now this it was all getting to be too much, she could feel her heart ripping in two. "Can you sense him?"

Goku paused and let his mind search, damn it Vegeta wasn't – he wouldn't. Would he? Holding in all his fear he focused as strongly as possible. There – there was 'Geta's ki but where – where was he? Aha! He jumped backwards slightly and smiled. "Found him! He's in the hospital gardens; quite healthy I'd say by the way he's pacing backwards and forwards. Speaking of which, did he tell you why he -?"

"Freaked out? No – I asked him, but he just grunted and ignored the question. Typical Vegeta response when it comes to emotions."

"Do you know why he – you know?"

"I'm sorry Goku, I really don't know. It's strange though I mean it's like -. Never mind."

"What? What is it?"

"Well the first time me and Vegeta, you know, he kind of freaked out at first, then when he came back he pretended like he never and well – say hello to Trunks."

"What made him panic then?"

"No idea."

Goku sighed, scratching his neck. "Okay – can you stay with Gohan for a while, call me if anything happens, my phone's on and I'll pick up straight away. Just make sure Gohan's okay. I'm going to get Vegeta and bring him back up here, it's better if he's with friends and family and we need to talk anyway – maybe I can find out what happened? Tell Gohan I'll be up in about ten minutes, no later! And – and tell him I love him."

"No problem, just make sure Vegeta's fine."

"I will."

He watched as Bulma left, going into Gohan's room; as soon as she'd closed the door he found himself collapsing onto the cold wall, closing his eyes to block the tears from racing. Kami – it was so hard to even _try_ to act calm, let alone actually be calm, inside he felt like his heart was being eaten alive and his mind collapsing upon him. What was going on?

He sighed and brushed a hand through his thick mane of hair.

"Vegeta. I love you."

* * *

Kami! This was too much!

Over and over again the events kept playing in his head, the repetition was agonising, why did he have to keep reliving it all! The past and present were both colliding into one and damn it, it wasn't fair! The past was bad enough but to flashback to it when -.

Why did Kakarott do that? Why? If it weren't for that kiss he wouldn't be remembering -. The past would have stayed in the past where it belonged . . . It wasn't fair, he enjoyed the kiss, _he loved Kakarott_, and if it wasn't for those memories, those torturous flashbacks he could be happy right now instead of in agony. What did Goku think of him? Man, he probably thought he was some freak!

He collapsed onto the bench, his eyes blurred with water. It wasn't as though he hated what happened, he actually really enjoyed it, he could have carried on forever or took it further, but then that's where the problem came, wasn't it? As soon as it got to that point it became so similar to the past, when he was a chibi, that his entire mind could focus on was what had happened and not what was happening – the memory just came into his head and then he couldn't get rid of it! It scared him too much to carry on, all the what-ifs playing on and on. He wanted Kakarott but at the same time he didn't – he couldn't.

How could he explain it to Goku though without sounding crazy? Just thinking about those memories was enough to make him cut his flesh into shreds; he could still feel the blood falling right now, so how could he cope explaining it and reliving it to another person? He sighed. Goku wasn't just another person though, was he? He felt his heart choking him as the painful emotions came rose once more. He opened his eyes and watched his hand it shook violently.

As Goku strode into the garden slowly he felt faint. Goku looked so beautiful to the eye; the same beautiful being that Vegeta loved but always denied he did, and although he always had a good reason for not acting on his love he could never explain that to him. Never. But now he'd have to, wouldn't he?

Goku looked so frightened, upset – damn it! Why was he here? It was either to break away from his pain over Gohan or – or to talk to him . . . As soon as Goku came closer he held in his emotions, his face an expressionless mask and tears now gone.

Goku sat beside him, turning to face him full on he pulled up his leg into a casual pose.

"Gohan is starting to look like his old self."

Vegeta raised an eyebrow. That was a bit too casual, like nothing had happened at all between them. Kami! Had Vegeta blew his chances with him, had Goku decided it was better just to be friends? Damn it! He needed the blade. He needed the cut. "You came here to talk to me about Gohan?"

"No – not really."

Then why was he here for? "You should be with him . . . He needs you."

"Yeah I know, I'm going up there in a few minutes, but I had to come and see you first. Bulma's really worried; I thought if you sat upstairs with the others you might feel better, I know she would anyway, and so would I – I need you Vegeta and I need to know you're okay."

"That's why you're here?"

"No." He gave a deep sigh and began to fidget. "'Geta, _I love you_! I – you – well, when you pulled away I was confused, I mean when you kissed me back I thought you felt the same way and then you – and then you pulled away . . . Now you're hiding from everyone and – I'm worried. Something upset you and I don't know what and I couldn't cope if it was me that upset you."

Vegeta looked away quickly, the pain in his expression was obvious. "You didn't upset me."

Goku turned quickly, his hand moved to Vegeta's face turning his head to face his own, he looked at him deeply despite his closed eyes. "'Geta I need to know, do you – do you love me?"

"Yes."

Goku watched him carefully. Then why was he crying? He looked like his heart was breaking, like he was in agony. Why was he upset with the fact he was in love? Love was the most powerful emotion Goku knew about, and it made him happy to know he loved Vegeta, so why was Vegeta upset? Didn't he want to love Goku? Did he hate Goku?

"Then why -?"

"Why did I leave you? Why did break the kiss? Why am I now hiding? It's complicated Kakarott – very much so."

"You can tell me anything, you know that, right? You can trust me. I love you, I really do."

"I know. Understand though that it isn't something that is easy to explain, it happened a long time ago, when I was still a child and – and what we did, it reminded me of it all . . ."

Vegeta looked at Goku and seeing his shock felt the tears fall down again. Damn! He was showing so much weakness! He was supposed to be the strong prince, supposed to be powerful, why did he let himself be weak in front of Goku for? Maybe he did trust him fully? No – not maybe, he did. So why couldn't he explain it all to Goku?

"It isn't you, you need to understand that – in fact I also became upset the first time I was with Bulma. I love you Kakarott, I still can't believe I'm saying it, especially as I haven't said it to anyone since - . . . I love you."

"Vegeta . . ."

"You need to see Gohan, he's lying there and the state he's in . . . I promise I'll tell you everything afterwards, there really isn't enough time right now and this isn't the right place."

"I'm still staying with Bulma and you right?"

"Right."

"This sounds really, really important and I want to understand properly. Can you tell me tonight? We'll have as long as we need to then and it'll be private too."

Vegeta shivered. "Okay – tonight."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

A/N: Sorry for the delay, college is a nightmare and so is my organisation – hope you enjoyed the chapter, the next one will be up as soon as I can . . .  
Warning: Some swearing, some_ mature_ content.

* * *

A loud groan, verging on a scream, escaped Vegeta's lips as he collapsed on the soft, oak bed. It was Kami damn awful! All his anger and pain was boiling inside him, consuming him, it was overwhelming and it was breaking his mind in two . . . Damn these memories! He let out another low scream as the flashbacks continued. Why couldn't he just forget? Why couldn't he just ignore it? Over and over they kept playing, torturing him . . .

Brushing a hand through his hair he sighed. He needed to move, to pace, to walk, he just had to clear his head, do something to distract himself; but thanks to all of Goku's crap he could barely even move an inch. All around his room were mountains and mazes of boxes; how much stuff did one man need? Worse of it was he could have sworn he heard someone mention there was more in Chi's attic. He was starting to feel all too claustrophobic, in didn't matter that the room was large as a football field, just to be trapped amidst Goku's belongings and his own, to feel that the walls of the room and his heart were closing in on him – it was too much!

The dark red walls seemed to plunge in on him, the black furniture only reminded him of death – he'd always felt so relaxed in here, and now - . . . now all he felt was fear and hate. He jumped slightly as the doors opposite him rapped loudly. Turning to the clock beside his bed he rolled his eyes, only one person would be stupid enough to disturb him at gone midnight -.

"Come in, Goku."

The doors swung open as Goku strode in with a bright smile, his hair was a messy mane and his eyes red with either tears or tiredness, yet through it he still seemed so handsome and innocent. He watched as the taller Saiyan tried to navigate around the boxes and jump from his skin as the doors slammed shut of its own accord.

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Call it a hunch."

Tripping over a large box of photos Goku made his way to the bed, he sat on the edge and swung his legs up, leaning against one the posts. It was a pretty cool bed really, four-poster with intricate carvings on it. Goku shivered as his eyes trailed to the body lying on it, Vegeta looked really down in the dumps, he seemed so pale and lifeless, he was half-dressed as if he was preparing to go to sleep yet he looked wide awake. His chest was bare, and sitting on the muscles were the many cuts and scars, Goku didn't know whether to be upset that there were so many or pleased tat Vegeta trusted him enough to let them be on show around him. Vegeta said it was okay to come and talk to him right?

"How's the brat, Kakarott?"

Goku gave a weak smile and turned to face Vegeta fully, the Saiyan Prince was staring at the ceiling with unresponsive eyes. "He's doing okay. He's still not talking to anyone much, all he said really was that he wanted everyone to leave him alone and not to worry, the only people he wants with him are Piccolo and Videl. He looks much healthier though."

"I'm sure he'll be okay, Goku."

"Yeah . . ." He paused, the quiet was almost deafening, there was so much he wanted and needed to say but none of it would come out. He looked at Vegeta, he just needed to make sure the Prince was okay, he was so worried about him – moving up slightly he lay down by his side, turning so his eyes remained on his face fully focused. "You don't mind if I lie beside you, do you 'Geta?"

"Of course not."

"Cool. Say, Vegeta? I was wondering – well you – it's . . . I just-."

Vegeta's head turned as he locked eyes with Goku. "You want to know what happened between us the other day, you want to know why I freaked out."

"Err – yeah."

"I told you. It's complicated."

"And I told you that you can trust me and we can talk as long as you need to."

"Kakarott," Pulling himself up he moved to the head of the bed, leaning against the headrest, looking at Goku gently he shook his head. Goku really looked truly innocent, but how could he not understand how painful this was? Feeling his heart wrench he closed his eyes and breathed deeply. "You really want to know?"

"Yes."

"Very well." Opening his eyes he shook his head. "Well don't just lie there, move over here so I can see you properly."

Doing as he was told Goku sat by Vegeta's side. He almost cried when he looked at Vegeta's face though, he looked so pale and heart-broken, his face a mask of pain, his eyes were dull and lifeless, focusing on the black sheet beneath him and his hands were shaking. Whatever was the problem it had to be a serious one, Goku had never seen him this upset before.

He moved his hand slowly up Vegeta's arm, making him shudder, and then rested it on his chest, he could feel the Prince's heart beat faster. Smiling Goku moved closer to him.

"It's hard Goku."

He growled as Goku stifled a giggle, "Damn it! If you won't be mature I won't tell you! It's not fucking funny!"

"Sorry Vegeta, I wasn't laughing at you – it's just when I get nervous, I laugh. I guess right now I'm just really nervous." He scratched his neck and let lose a slight laugh.

"Well why are you so bloody nervous for? You know what, never mind." Vegeta shivered and continued from before. "It's hard to talk about because I've never told anyone before, no one. Zarbon and Raditz knew, but that is another complicated matter that will just distract us from the story at hand . . ."

"Wait. Knew about what? What do they have to do with your problems anyway?" Holding Vegeta's hand tightly, he looked deeply into his eyes with great concern.

"I guess I should start from the beginning. As I told you, the reason why I panicked and became upset was because it brought back memories and issues from the past, I became upset when I was with Bulma too so it isn't your fault that I acted how I did. It was just that I couldn't escape the memories. I tried – I really wanted to be with you, but -."

Goku felt his heart twist in pain. What had happened to this Prince to make him so scared of contact? To make him the way he was? His hold on his hand grew tighter, making Vegeta smile from the reassurance. He wanted to help 'Geta so much, but how?

"It happened when I was a chibi. I won't go into my entire childhood, I could mention one mere day in the palace and it would be enough to traumatize the strongest warrior. Planet Vegeta was not moral or just even for the Elite or Royal classes; their wrongs were merely better hidden. The memories I suffer that make me the warrior you have witnessed before are shared by nearly all our race."

"So how come -?"

"Let me finish. The thoughts that plague me stem from my time in Freeza's command and on his ship, _not _from the palace. It is on his ship that – that it began."

"So what happened there is what made you scared to get _close _to people?" Vegeta nodded. Scooting closer Goku let his head rest upon his shoulder and closed his eyes, it made his heart weep to think the being next to him had suffered so much – he didn't know what but he knew that it was painful, and that was enough. "So what happened?"

"Freeza put me through what he called _'special training', _he believed that all beings were his toys and he was master of all beings, I refused to bow to him and he decided that I had to learn my place, he decided that I needed to become stronger, harder and most importantly more obedient – I needed to fall to him and learn that I was no longer the Prince."

"What did he do? I swear if that bastard hurt you, 'Geta -!"

"Calm yourself, Kakarott. What's done is done and besides you cannot harm the dead, you may like to play hero but this is one matter that you can't." Goku scowled deeply, shifting his position as the image of Freeza came into his mind – he never hated that being as much as he did right now. "You really want to know what he did?" Goku nodded. "Very well. As you know his technology was advanced, he began by using devices used to suppress ki on me, in order that I receive beatings to learn my place – when he discovered that I could tale the pain and I still was wildly independent he took it further."

Before Goku could open his mouth he felt the cool touch of Vegeta's hand over it. "I know what you are going to ask, so just let me answer."

Goku freed himself from Vegeta's hand and rolled his eyes. "Then what was I going to ask?"

"How did Freeza take it further?"

Goku froze and looked away nervously, moving his hand back onto the back of his neck, _it was like Vegeta could read his thoughts_. Vegeta sighed with the pain from his thoughts and turned to Goku, who was now looking more surprised than angry with old enemies.

"This is hard for me to say – you're the first and only person I've ever told. Freeza – he – he decided I needed to learn who was in charge, that he was my master, he realised that physical and metal abuse didn't work, so he tried a different method . . . He raped me."

"What!"

"It would have been something I may have recovered from, but it soon became a near daily event and sometimes he would try – try different _things_ or situations, sometimes he let the guards have their fun as well . . . When he realised it worked and that I soon didn't dare to answer him back, when the fear and depression were eating at me and I tried to end my life on numerous occasions, he decided to forget all other modes of punishment. Whenever I did something wrong, he'd do the thing that worked, he'd abuse me sexually." Vegeta pushed both hands thought his hair, holding his head back he began to choke on silent tears. Why was he telling Goku this? Why was he forcing himself to relive it?

"It's why I freaked out, with you and with Bulma. He's the only person and they were the only times I -. I guess I just came to associate being close to people with pain, you know after I was with Bulma, I am ashamed to admit, that I was severely depressed for some time, I was ashamed that I enjoyed it and ashamed I did it. It broke my heart; all I could relive was what my master did to me. I trust you, Goku, I really do, and I wanted to do it, _really_, but in those seconds the memory came back and I -."

"You don't need to explain, I understand." Goku felt his tears rushing over his skin, warming his cold temperature to a volcanic heat. His heart had broken and he could barley gather his thoughts, Kami, what kind of monster would have done that to someone? What had Vegeta been through? To think the person he loved so much had – had so much pain in his heart. "Vegeta, I still love you and I'll never hurt you, _never_. You don't have to be scared of Freeza anymore, because even if he were alive to hurt you, I'd be here to protect you. If you're still scared about being intimate then trust me, we can go as fast or as slow as you want. I love you."

"Thank you, Goku . . ."

Looking into Goku's eyes Vegeta felt his heart melt. Goku looked really worried, truly concerned, he was crying as much as Vegeta had been doing, he was shaking with sorrow as much as he was, and Goku really felt a connection with him, didn't he? He could trust Goku, right? If Goku loved him then he wouldn't hurt him . . . Maybe . . .

"Goku?"

"Yeah 'Geta?"

"I trust you."

Vegeta smiled, he moved close to Goku, enough so that he could feel his breath on his cheek. His tail waved out behind him in soft, sweeping movements. He was ready, wasn't he? After all, Goku was kind and loved him. He could be with him and not be hurt. He moved forward and traced his hand slowly up Goku's waist to his chest, letting his fingers stroke at the tight muscles gently. Goku had already grown tense; his breathing was fast and hurried, enough to encourage Vegeta to move on.

Leaning forward he pressed his lips against Goku's, he tasted so sweet, so warm, he couldn't help but let a moan escape his lips. Pressing his body against Goku's he could already feel Goku swelling. Opening his mouth wider Vegeta plunged his tongue in tasting and exploring the warm cavern awaiting him, feeling the muscle of Goku's mouth fighting its way into his.

Wrapping his arms around Vegeta's waist Goku lowered him onto the bed, lying over him. The Prince looked so appealing, so tempting, so beautiful. . . He bent close and let his tongue trail over Vegeta's collarbone and neck, making the prince shudder.

As Vegeta's hand stroked the bottom of Goku's back he groaned and pressed his body tightly into Vegeta's.

"'Geta? You want to continue? You want to do this? I mean you just said that you were -."

"I trust you Goku. _I love you_. Please – continue."

With a large smile Goku pressed his lips back onto Vegeta's, growing below with the promise of what was to come next . . .


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Warnings: Lemon and yaoi, from the start and some swearing.

* * *

Vegeta shuddered. 

He could already feel his body turning a vivid crimson; with the heat and arousal he could barely control his senses, just looking at Goku made him warm all over. He reached up, brushing the taller Saiyans cheek softly, his other hand sliding through the black locks of hair. He locked eyes with him intently and smiled.

He moaned as Goku's hands brushed over the skin of his chest, they felt so soft, so sensuous, and the way they trailed so temptingly over his hot skin made him want this so much more. As the hand rested on his torso he felt the many delicious kisses against his neck, Goku's tongue massaging his skin. With an automatic response his hand moved down along his back and lovingly cupped Goku's buttocks, massaging them.

With a deep purr Goku moved forcefully forward, his hardened member pushing against Vegeta's leg making him groan Goku's name loudly from surprise. It felt so right! So natural! To think, he was scared of this before, it made him wonder why. Lifting his head he started nipping along Goku's jawbone, kissing his cheek softly.

As he felt Goku's fingers working their way over his tanned chest to his trousers he gasped, and felt his heart race with a nervous fear as he worked them slowly off. This time the moan was from fear . . .

"'Geta." Goku's voice – it was so breathless and passionate, it made Vegeta feel like he was burning from within. "Don't be worried, I swear I won't hurt you. Do you want to stop?"

"No – I want this, Kakarott. I want you."

He shifted slightly under him, he was beyond nervous, he was lying there completely naked before Goku, but Goku didn't mind, in fact he looked like he really enjoyed what he saw, the way his eyes traced Vegeta's muscles and curves, all the way down to below . . .

He watched Goku closely as he began to slowly remove his own clothes, revealing his large, muscular figure, he really and truly looked a thing of beauty, like a sculpture of some god, it made Vegeta throb and grow just to look at him.

It was only seconds before Goku returned to his kisses, gently pressing his lips against Vegeta's chest making him sigh with pleasure, his hands running and twining into Vegeta's mane of hair. Smiling, he shifted his position between Vegeta's legs, he hissed with pleasure as his arousal rubbed over his own, eliciting a loud groan and powerful shiver of electricity from both of them.

His face blushed as he ran a hand smoothly straight over Vegeta's abdomen, reaching over his length, rubbing gently. Arching his back Vegeta moaned.

"Goku . . . "

Kami! This was good! Rocking his hips against the slow strokes he moaned again, loudly. He'd never thought it'd be like this – so damn good . . . He moved his hands up onto Goku's shoulders, gripping tightly as the pleasure swept through him.

With a delighted smile Vegeta pulled away from the soft touches gently. Pressing his lips against Goku's he began another delicious kiss, this time letting his legs wrap around Goku's waist, squeezing tightly as his smouldering kiss remained unbroken, his eyes looked pleadingly into his lovers. His lips soon found their way to Goku's neck, his hot, moist breath running over his sensitive skin.

He shivered lightly, his hands moved down Vegeta's sides in gentle motions, landing firmly on his hips. With his length burning with need he held himself back long enough to make sure this was what Vegeta wanted.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Fuck yes."

With a passionate smile he brought his fingers to Vegeta's mouth, the prince looked genuinely confused for a moment, staring at the digits as if they were some foreign objects. It made Goku smile – the Prince was far more innocent than he imagined.

"You need to make sure they're well coated with your saliva, otherwise I might hurt you."

Nodding nervously Vegeta opened his mouth wide, taking in as much of Goku's two fingers as he could, his tongue worked its way along making Goku release a soft sigh, he tasted so good . . . Letting the fingers go he watched Goku expectantly.

"Okay, this might be a little uncomfortable for a minute."

Moving his hands down, he gently placed his fingers against Vegeta's entrance, he kissed him forcefully to distract him as gently as he could he pushed his fingers into the tight ring of muscle. A low gasp escaped Vegeta's mouth as he felt the fingers entering him, moving within him, pressing against his inner walls – suddenly they were removed leaving him breathless.

Slowly positioning himself over his entrance Goku began pushing his long shaft inside him – Kami! Vegeta felt so tight and so good against him! It took all his strength not to scream and all his self-control to stay still for the moment; his face grimaced as he fought the urge to thrust, he needed more, he needed this – he felt himself throbbing with need. He looked down to Vegeta's face, which was a mixture of pain and pleasure.

"'Geta, it'll stop hurting in a moment, trust me. If you want me to stop at anytime – just say."

Vegeta nodded a reply, rocking his hips forward shyly.

Slowly he began moving forward, gently pushing against Vegeta. He felt the surging of electricity pass through his veins; the pleasure was so acute; his body felt like it was on fire! He began to push forward more forcefully, harder now. Looking down to Vegeta's face he could tell his partner was enjoying this. Vegeta was moaning loudly in ecstasy, his face contorted with complete pleasure. He reached down to Vegeta's erection, pumping him in time with his own movements.

Kami! He couldn't take this anymore, it was all to good!

"'Geta! Ve – Vegeta!"

He groaned loudly, pounding into the tight ring of muscle with powerful thrusts. With one primal scream he released his essence deep into his lovers body.

"_Vegeta_!"

Vegeta moaned loudly, his body bucking wildly as he came to climax – his body felt like a volcano of pleasure, with one roaring moan he released his seed over Kakarott, his eyes blurred white as his body reached the pinnacle of all the lust, love and pleasure.

Moaning loudly, Goku felt his body relax as he collapsed onto Vegeta, resting his head in the crook of his neck. Yawning softly Vegeta kissed the taller Saiyan gently, wrapping a leg around him.

"I love you, Kakarott."

"I love you too, 'Geta."

* * *

"Goku!"

Yawning loudly Goku sat up. Who the heck was shouting him? 

Rubbing his eyes and stretching he looked around the room, he had to smile, lying next to him on the black, satin sheets was Vegeta, still naked from the night before, and still looking delicious and gorgeous. He was lying on his stomach, his back and buttocks on show and receiving admiration from Goku. He looked so peaceful whilst he slept . . . Lying back down on the bed he reached over, slowly stroking Vegeta's back. He could lie here forever and never grow tired of this; he could look at Vegeta all day . . .

"Son Goku! Are you awake?"

He turned to face the door, yawning again. Man, who would want to wake him up so early anyway? He could only have been asleep for a few hours. The voice sounded familiar though, but whom -? Bulma!

"Bulma, is that you?" He mumbled sleepily.

"No, it's the tooth fairy. Of course it's me! Look, I'm not standing out here all day, are you decent?"

Goku looked down at himself and then at Vegeta, there was a little too much on show for it to be considered _decent_. Sighing he reached down for the duvet and pulled it over Vegeta, who was more of a heavy sleeper than he thought, climbing under the covers he made sure they were covered up.

"I am now. Come in."

Man, what was she going to say? He blushed wildly, stroking a hand through his hair as the doors swung open letting in light; she came in with a bright smile, her hair finely done into a new style, wearing a fashionable red dress. She hadn't looked so cheerful in a while, though when she nearly fell over the dozens of boxes scattered around her smile quickly faded.

"Damn it! I told Vegeta last night to tidy this stuff up!"

Tiptoeing through the labyrinth she made her way to the bed, and plopped down on the edge. She quickly looked away then looked back, after a few more double takes she eventually let out a low blowing noise, a confused look covering her face.

"Is that Vegeta?"

Goku nodded.

She remained silent for a few seconds and then shook her head. "You know what? I really don't want to know." She gave a slight chuckle before winking to Goku. "Congratulations though! I thought you two would never be an item at the rate you were going! You do make a cute couple though – but you're telling Trunks and Goten about it this time mister, I've been the bearer of news all weekend, it's your turn now."

"I'm sure they'll take it well." Goku smiled, stretching his arms he glanced back to Vegeta, he was starting to wish that Bulma wasn't there so he could carry on watching the Prince, or talk to him or maybe repeat what happened last night. "What you doing here so early anyway?"

"Early? It's already ten o'clock, Goten's already watching cartoons with Trunks. I came up because the chibi's wanted to spend the morning with you guys, I thought I'd come up first and see if you were busy or not. I'm guessing you don't want me to send them up."

"Err – not quite yet, I'll wake Vegeta up and get ready, I'll be down in a while."

"Okay then." Pausing slightly, she looked as if she had something she needed to say but was holding back. Shaking her head she leant against one of the posts of the bed. "Goku?"

"Yeah?"

"I was just wondering if you were feeling okay? You're not sick or anything are you, and Vegeta's okay too. . . ?

"I'm totally fine thanks, so is Vegeta as far as I know – why?"

"Nothing! Just a bug going around, some of my staff are already off sick."

Goku shrugged. "Well I feel totally fine, better than fine even. I feel great!" He gave a short laugh and fell backwards.

Smiling she nodded. "Okay, well make sure you two hurry up getting ready, the chibi's really want to see you."

"Okay."

He watched Bulma as she left quickly out of the door and turned to face Vegeta. Kami! He looked more and more tempting every time he looked at him. Those muscles, that hair, that face . . . He could already feel himself growing again. Damn! He had to snap out of it. He smiled slightly, it looked like Vegeta was awake, he was already starting to open his eyes and shift position.

"Oh hey, you're up?"

Groaning, Vegeta rolled onto his stomach. "Only just. Was that Bulma?"

"Yeah – she says the boys want to spend some time with us."

Vegeta grunted a reply and rolled onto his side. His dark onyx eyes narrowed on Goku, almost as if he was scowling.

"What's up?" He blushed as Vegeta gave him a devious smile. "'Geta?"

"Want to join me for a shower?"

Giving a laugh Goku nodded. "Yeah, sure thing 'Geta."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Warnings: Yaoi and lemon at start, swearing throughout.

* * *

Deep shivers spread through his body as the slow kisses continued to massage his neck, the sharp teeth nipping his skin lightly; it felt so good . . . 

"Goku . . ."

He could feel the warm water trickling over him, running over his burning body and through the rivers of water he could feel Goku's hands exploring him, rubbing his chest and stomach as the kisses continued, making him burn within as they stroked his skin tenderly.

Groaning loudly he arched his body letting Goku pin him against the cold wall of the shower, he gasped at how cold the wall could be, it sent shivers through his spine at the mere touch, but he didn't care, letting the water run over his face he parted his legs and reached behind him, stroking his hand through Goku's wet mane of hair. He could feel his yearning body growing hard again, growing warm and in need.

A smile spread over Goku's lips, one that would have melted Vegeta's heart – gently pressing against Vegeta he entered him, his hands holding onto Vegeta's shoulders to stop himself collapsing in pleasure. His vision clouded through the steam and sensations as he fully sheathed himself into the tight muscle. He bent his head into Vegeta's neck slowly and gently nibbled on his earlobe; his tail moved around to Vegeta's front, softly stroking his arousal.

Vegeta's head snapped back as the waves of pleasure struck him, the rainfalls of water covered his face, merging with the beads of sweat. Kami! Such sweet pleasure . . .

A low growl emerged from Goku's throat as his he plunged forward and thrust back, entering Vegeta passionately as his tail tried to match the pace on Vegeta's member. He could feel himself burning with bliss; his body trembling as each wave of gratification hit him – his heart sped quickly and his breathing ran fast. This was too sweet – too good!

Vegeta's hips rocked backwards in and out of the ecstasy that Goku provided, his hands clawing tightly upon the cold tiles of the shower cubicle. The moist, warm breath of Goku brushed the back of his skin so much that the pleasure was excruciating, it made him all the more and more aroused, wanting him to thrust harder and harder . . . He could hear Goku's growls and groans loudly, each one a stroke of music to his ears.

Goku could feely himself nearing the edge, as the tight muscle around him became all the more tense, holding onto him harder and harder making electricity burn through him. Pushing firmly against the inner walls he gripped Vegeta's shoulders tightly, making them red as his own blushed face.

Vegeta cried out as the waves of paradise burst into a frantic rhythm. The tail stroking and pumping his erection was moving in a flurry of speed to keep up with the pounding from behind him, and Kami – he couldn't take it anymore, it was too fucking good!

"Goku!"

A loud scream penetrated Goku's ears as Vegeta reached the pinnacle of pleasure; his seed spilling over the wet fur of his tail and his shudders and shivers sent Goku overt the edge. As he collapsed into Goku's arms Goku let out a powerful scream as loud as Vegeta's releasing his come deep into Vegeta.

Breathing deeply and out of breath, Goku lifted Vegeta into his arms and kissed his forehead gently. The Prince looked so delicious . . . Through half closed eyes he smiled and whispered gently into his ears.

"Fancy a rematch?" Giving a soft chuckle and a wink he was surprised to find Vegeta purring in reply, his hands tracing Goku's muscles and lips opening so his tongue could gain access the nipple on his chest. "I take that as a yes . . ."

A low moan escaped his mouth as he lowered Vegeta to the floor, kissing him forcefully . . .

* * *

It was so hard not to laugh! Lying back on the sofa gently Bulma covered her mouth with her hand trying to keep in her giggles, it was amazing how much a kid Goku was at heart, watching him was like watching a toddler. He'd been downstairs for two minutes and was already trying to beat Trunks and Goten at a game of football on the Playstation; there was no way Goku would win, Trunks practised practically everyday, but still, it was so funny the way his controller went flying through the air and vibrated wildly as he fought with Goten to get nearer the screen. Occasionally the odd scrap broke out between them as he accused them of cheating . . .

Well at least it seemed like it was going to be a good day for once, Goku seemed beyond cheerful and the chibi's were full of energy and for once the sun was shining too, in fact it was blinding her through the open French doors and large windows. She smiled and continued to watch them, she hadn't much to feel bad about, Gohan was resting and quite healthy with Videl and Piccolo attending to his every need, and Goku had got his wish of being with Vegeta, what could go wrong?

She watched the final goal on the screen and winced at the screams of Trunks - not exactly a graceful winner - shouting noisily for joy and dancing in the air whilst Goku threw the controller at the screen and made his way to sit by Bulma on the sofa with a sore look on his face.

"Oh man, I swear my controller was broke!"

"Yeah, sure dad, blame the controller!" Goten laughed and joined Trunks in his victory dance, ignoring the two adults in the corner.

"Is it my fault you two cheated?"

"Next you'll be saying the computer was out to get you!"

Bulma coughed loudly as Goku collapsed by her, sitting cross-legged with a childish pout; Trunks began a rude chant as Goten continued his dancing. "You two better calm down, if you break anything -!"

Spitting out his tongue, Trunks heaved a sigh. "We won't mama!"

Stretching back Goku collapsed against the soft leather of the sofa, letting his eyes wander over to Bulma. He gave a loud sigh, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "So what's up with your staff?"

"Huh?" She raised an eyebrow and bent her head to the side, she was used to random questions from Goku but this was a little too random. Was there supposed to be something wrong with them or something?

"You said they were sick this morning, you were asking if me or Vegeta were ill – it must be really contagious, because we never go near your employees to catch it, so -."

"Oh that!" She gave a nervous laugh. Oh man! How was she going to explain this one? She knew her staff were perfectly healthy, well all of them except the one in the little capsule experiment accident that ended up front page - but that was beside the point. She only asked Goku in case . . . It was a stupid question though right? Vegeta knew his race better than anybody; he'd have the common sense to -. But what if Vegeta didn't? Then one of them might end up being -.

"Bulma?"

"Oh sorry, I was just thinking. It's just – well . . . the reason I asked you was because you and Vegeta are – well, an item now, right?"

"Yeah. So what has that got to do with some bug going around?"

"Goku, there _is_ no bug. I just wanted to know if you were both feeling okay because -." Why even bother bringing this up for? Vegeta lived with Saiyans all his life he was the Saiyan Prince! He'd know better than to do it without -. "Well – you probably know male Saiyans can -."

She stopped as a loud scream screeched though the air. There wasn't really a question who it belonged to, with a deep sigh she turned her head to the door and watched as Vegeta flew in, swearing incessantly. It looked like he just stepped out of the shower, his hair was dead straight running over his back, as it always did when it was wet, and he was wearing only a towel around his waist. She cringed though as she saw his chest - . . . Vegeta always let his temper control him, and it didn't matter why he was in a rage, the fact that he was in one was enough for him to forget to cover his scars and cuts . . .

She turned to Goku who had a look of horror, for the same reason that Bulma held the look. He was staring at Vegeta's chest and motioning to the Chibi's. As if that would work. Since when did Vegeta ever clam down, and since when did he ever get the subtle hints?

"Which one of you fucking chibi's put bloody pink hair dye in my shampoo?"

His voice was loud, screeched and full of anger, and at any other time Bulma would have winced nervously for how he was going to react, but when she let her eyes travel to his hair and noticed many pink streaks showing prominently she couldn't help but laugh. She wiped the tears from her face as the pink haired Vegeta turned around and scowled. Stalking over to the to Trunks and Goten he stood behind them, arms folded and glaring menacingly down at them, both completely engrossed with a wrestling game, completely unaware of what was going on.

"Relax dad, it's only semi-permanent, it'll wash out eventually."

"Don't you fucking speak to me like that! Kami, damn you! I'm going to bloody kill you! Boy, you're going to wish you've never been born. Turn around, I want to remember exactly what expression is on your face, so when I kick your ass I can have a good laugh as well!"

"Damn!"

Vegeta raised an eyebrow in confusion, looking down at Trunks who had turned around on command like told, by now the boy would have been cowering in fear or giving his apologies, so why was he just staring at Vegeta's chest and looking shocked beyond all belief. Shaking in rage he scowled and threw a death glare downwards.

"What was that?"

"I said 'damn'. How the hell did you get those?" He pointed to Vegeta's chest as his eyes widened.

Goten turned around and was watching the two nervously, the controller still in his hand, sitting still he looked over Vegeta curiously, his face snapped as he smiled in realisation and complete innocence.

"Big brother had some just like that! Only they were on his arms!"

"What!" Goku jumped out of his seat, racing to Goten he jumped down and skidded along the floor to eye-level, Bulma followed patiently but rather annoyed from behind. So Gohan was self-harming too? Then why didn't anyone know about it? Why didn't Goten tell anyone? "Goten, you sure? Gohan had cuts on his arms like Vegeta has on his chest?"

"Yeah . . . Why?" He scratched his neck nervously and looked to Trunks for support, who just shrugged.

"Why didn't you tell me or mom about them?"

"Cause Gohan said not to. He said they were an accident, I came in and he cut his arm with a blade and he said that his hand slipped."

Vegeta snorted but stopped as Bulma's elbow struck him in-between the ribs. Trunks rolled his eyes and sighed. "Goten, if your brother did it by accident then why was there so many?" He looked at Vegeta and shook his head. "You did them on purpose, huh dad?"

Looking away quickly Vegeta tried to cover his cuts, rather unsuccessfully. Goku stood up and moved passed the chibi's to Vegeta, standing in front of him he draped his arms over his neck softly and kissed him on the cheek feeling him go weak at the touch, moving his lips to his he kissed him lovingly.

"'Geta, I've got to go see Gohan, can you meet me at the hospital later?"

"Sure Kakarott, right after I kill these brats." He scowled to Trunks who gave an innocent grin.

"Thanks 'Geta!"

Raising his fingers to his forehead he quickly disappeared; looking down Vegeta watched Trunks shuffling his feet, looking kind of sheepish.

"Boy, what's wrong now?"

Trunks glanced to Goten who shared the same look. "Err – why did Goku kiss you?"

Vegeta blushed bright red as Bulma choked on her laughter; winking at Vegeta she nudged him gently. "Yeah 'Geta, why did Goku kiss you?"

Vegeta growled, this was going to be a long morning . . .


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Warning: Some swearing.  
A/N: On a note unrelated to the story, _Happy Halloween everyone!_

* * *

As his eyes fell upon the two small figures before him he cringed; they both were looking at him with genuine confusion and curiosity, and he had no idea how to fix it, how to explain what had just happened. What was he supposed to tell them? Damn! Why did Goku have to do that and leave _him_ to clean up the mess . . .? That didn't matter though, what mattered was how were they going to react? Well it shouldn't matter that much to Trunks but to Goku's brat . . . His brother was in hospital, his parents were getting divorced, his mom wasn't in a good enough state to look after him right now so he had to stay at Capsule Corps . . . With all that going on how would he take this? 

He groaned and shook his head, letting the wet black locks fall over his chest cooling his skin. Why did he feel so guilty about this for? Despite the usual scowl on his face his heart wrenched violently; he hid the sea of sorrow in his heart perfectly. It was like every time he looked down at Goten he could imagine his heart breaking, or his fury rising and he could picture the blame being laid totally on him. He wouldn't see it as a good thing, would he? No, but that was understandable really.

As the heat from the sun shone through the large windows it struck his back, warming him pleasantly, reminding him of the morning with Goku. Kami! His hand moved to his chest rubbing over the cuts and scars absentmindedly; he needed to cut, he needed the release, he couldn't keep on feeling guilty and sad! He couldn't! His hand made to reopen a fresh cut when he heard the sharp cough of Trunks . . .

Looking down at the face of his son he let go of a deep sigh; the chibi was there arms folded with a angry scowl, nodding discreetly to Goten – Trunks knew what Vegeta wanted to do, and he was mature enough to know what opening a cut in front of Goten would do to his friend. The kid was way too similar to his mother. Nodding his moved his hands to his waist and stood silently.

Looking up at Vegeta Goten scratched his neck; by now he would have usually been pulling at Vegeta's clothes for attention, but considering what Vegeta was wearing it wouldn't be a good idea.

"Mr. Vegeta? You haven't answered us yet! Why did daddy do that for?"

Vegeta blushed again – this was going to be embarrassing . . . Well if he had to tell them why not just be honest? It was the best approach after all and he was _always_ truthful with Trunks. Sighing he cricked his neck and started an explanation.

"Okay boys, you want to know?" They nodded. "Well last night Goku came into my room and we -. Ouch! Damn it onna!" He rubbed his chest painfully as Bulma's elbow struck him between the ribs sharply. Now what did he do? She wanted him to tell the brats right? So what the fuck was that for?

Bulma growled. "Don't tell them that bluntly or crudely - you'll scar them for life else!"

"Why not? Besides how the hell do you know what I was about to say?"

"You were going to tell them what you two -! You know what Vegeta? Never mind, because I'll tell them!" Vegeta shrugged, if she wanted to tell them then fine, like he would stop her.

Bending down to be at eye-level Bulma gave the most sincere smile she could muster, brushing a hand through Goten's black locks gently. Goten looked so different to Trunks, not just because of physical appearance, but because of his reactions and soul; Trunks looked impatient like he knew what was going to happen and wasn't too bothered, but Goten looked blissfully unaware and so curious . . .

"It's like this, when two people love each other sometimes they kiss -."

Trunks scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we know that mama. You kiss me every morning and every night, and Gohan kisses Goten when he's upset too, but not like _that _– that's a different kind of kiss _and _a different kind oflove. So tell us properly. What's going on?"

Bulma sighed, looking from one face to another. This was harder than she thought. As Vegeta cleared his throat she jumped, barely expecting an interruption. He knelt down besides her, looking more upset than angry.

"Okay, brats Goku and I are now an item, a couple. We are in love. That's why he kissed me."

Trunks shrugged. "Thought so." Suddenly a smile spread over his lips as he did a double take, he gave a subtle wink before spinning around to Goten. He laughed and grabbed his hands. "Cool! You know what this means, right Goten? We get to be brothers! Well step-brothers, but that's still cool!"

Bulma flinched as Goten pulled his hands away from Trunks sharply. Something was wrong. Goten never pulled away from Trunks before, this was different; his lips were quivering despite biting on them to stop, his eyes were scrunched closed too holding back the rains of tears, even Vegeta seemed quite shocked. As she reached out to touch him Trunks grabbed him in a big hug pulling him away from her. "What's wrong, Goten?"

Shaking his head Vegeta made his way over to the sofa, collapsing into the soft folds. He knew this wouldn't go well! He knew it! This was his fault . . . Kami, what kind of sadist was he? He just went and broke the poor brats heart! Goku's brat of all things! He'd be damned if he knew how, but shit -! Goten was there trying to hold in his emotions as they overwhelmed him, and who caused it? Vegeta. His hand moved to his chest, his nails digging deeply into one of the cuts, as the blood bled down his chest so did his sin. He needed the release! He had to be evil to do that to a child . . . He had to be. Kami! He hated feeling like this!

Waves of guilt consumed him, his mind became numb; the doors to oblivion opened wide within his aching heart, drawing him into an ocean of despair. His heart raced as he grabbed his head – he had to act like he didn't care, he had to act cold as usual so they wouldn't know something was wrong with him – but still, all he wanted to do was draw that blade over his skin, watch as the wound opened and the blood spilled, he deserved the pain, he deserved it . . .

Trunks continued to hug Goten who was starting to shake. "Come on, what's up? You can talk to me you know, I won't mind whatever it is." Trunks gave a soft laugh and tightened his grip, trying to reassure him.

With a huge gasp for breath Goten opened his eyes wide and looked across the room to Vegeta, who was lying with his back to him. Shaking Trunks from his grip pushing him gently aside he raced across the room to Vegeta. Reaching up he pushed him hard on his back to get his attention.

"What do you want kid?"

"It's not true, is it Mr. Vegeta?" Goten nearly choked, he could feel his eyes watering and his heart racing, it felt like it was about to burst from his chest and explode! He couldn't stop shaking and it was scared him. His daddy wouldn't – he wouldn't just leave mommy, and if mommy found out she'd never want to be with him, and he'd never have his family back! "Is it true?"

"It's true. I told you, I love Goku, he loves me and we are a couple now."

Goten's hand slid away as he looked behind him to Trunks who now seem genuinely confused. Goten could already feel himself choking on his own sobs, the falling over tears burning his hot skin. Great! Now he'd never have his family back!

As the pain grew in his stomach and threatened to consume him he raced out the room, storming upstairs to hide. He just wanted to be alone!

"Goten!" Trunks yelled; he turned to run as the stamping footsteps faded away but was stopped by Bulma. "What? Let me go! I need to go see what's wrong with Goten!"

"Trunks," Bulma's smile had faded with worry as she tried to appear calm, "Goten's just a little upset, I don't know why but he just needs to be alone for a minute. I'll go and make sure he's okay, right? Why don't you and dad go and find Goku, you can visit Gohan then and Goten and me will come up to you as soon as he's feeling better."

Trunks looked to the floor, fidgeting wildly. He didn't want to leave Goten alone, he was his best friend and he was hurt and upset! Holding his head he sighed. "Okay momma, but try and cheer him up before you talk to him, okay? Making fun of papa or giving him some cake usually helps."

"Okay sweetie." Bulma smiled as Vegeta grunted from across the room. "Vegeta! Can you go get dressed and take Trunks to the hospital, you promised Goku you would anyway, he's probably waiting for you by now."

Vegeta growled. "And what do I tell him, huh? That I made his son cry? That his son is now hiding because he's so upset? What?"

"Vegeta!"

"Fine, I'm going, I'm going."

She rolled her eyes and his got up and walked across the room, her eyebrow raised with suspicion though as she caught sight of blood trickling down his chest onto the white towel – he hadn't cut himself again had he? Not when Goten, Trunks and herself were right across the room? Why? She shook her head. He probably didn't. She nodded to Trunks. "Go and get ready, okay? And make sure your dad doesn't take ages. Goten and I won't be long."

"Okay mama."

* * *

"Goku!" 

Quietly striding into the waiting room and closing the door behind her, she felt her mind racing with everything Goten had told her; it was hard to try and sound cheerful when she greeted Goku when Goten had said everything he did . . . Goten was nearly hysterical when she found him hiding in Trunks' room, and all he said was he didn't want Vegeta and Goku seeing each other, he wanted his family back . . . Frankly it kind of upset her, let alone Goku when he'd find out. She eventually convinced him to come to the hospital and left him with Trunks and Chi-Chi in the café, whilst she came to find Goku. After all, they needed to talk . . .

As soon as she came in the first thing she noticed was that Vegeta wasn't there; it was strange, she really expected him to be there but the only person was Goku, who was sweating from the heat – the sun was blinding him and burning him as the windows acted as a magnifying glass – he squinted near the door and jumped up.

"Oh, hi Bulma!"

Moving across the room he gave her a large hug, she didn't respond; he knew at once something was wrong. Stepping back he looked closely at her. She seemed so pale . . .

"What's up?"

She shook her head. "Where's Vegeta?"

"He keeps being sick, he's been in the bathroom for like twenty minutes, I checked up on him and he just told me to get lost, said it was his fault or something similar that didn't make sense."

"Damn it!" Wait – maybe she was just jumping to conclusions . . . But the symptom was so similar to -, and for Saiyans it was much quicker . . . Okay, she couldn't get side-tracked, she was here to talk to Goku about Goten, not about Vegeta's health. She sat down and waited for Goku to take a seat by her. "So how's Gohan doing?"

"Bulma, you're not here for small talk, are you? This is about Goten."

"How do you know?"

"Vegeta told me. He said that before Trunks and him left to come here, they were both really curious and so they eavesdropped on you and Goten; he told me everything Goten said. Well he did in between his runs to the bathroom anyway."

Bulma sighed. "Goten really wants his family back, he thinks you and Chi-Chi still could get back together and he's totally oblivious to what she did to you . . . He doesn't blame Vegeta but he -." She stopped and looked away; she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence . . .

"He doesn't want me dating anyone and he blames me instead. Yeah, I know. I've never seen him so depressed, I was watching him with Trunks and all he was doing was crying . . . He kept saying he hated me and that I didn't care about him because all I wanted to do was to be with Vegeta. It broke my heart! I love him more than anything and the kid thinks I hate him! What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know Goku."

Goku's smile bled away. "It's really horrible. At the minute he'd only be happy if I wasn't with 'Geta, but I couldn't live without 'Geta! _I love him_. It's like – it's – I can't choose between my son and 'Geta! So how do I get Goten to be happy?" He paused as a cold tear rolled over his cheek. He knew what he'd have to do to get a smile back on Goten's face, but the idea made him sick to his stomach! He was starting to feel dizzy and light-headed . . .

"I'm going to have to leave 'Geta aren't I? Just until Goten can cope with the idea and can get over it. I mean I told Gohan and he was overjoyed for me! Trunks seemed happy too – he really wants Goten to be his brother." Goku let out a soft laugh as tears fell over his cheeks, "Gohan's coming home tomorrow and he wants to celebrate with us all going for a meal – but when I looked at Goten and saw him so heartbroken . . ."

"Goku! You don't have to leave 'Geta at all! You love him. Goten will come around, it's just all a shock with everything that's going on, that's all. He'll be okay."

"Will he?"

Bulma looked away. Good question . . .

He couldn't stop the tears from falling; it felt like his heart was being ripped in two – Kami! He loved Vegeta more than life itself! He wanted to be with him forever, he wanted them to never be apart – but Goten, he had to put his child first, right? Even if that meant being away from Vegeta for a while . . . only a while though . . . but how would 'Geta take it? Kami! Just the idea was enough to make Goku consider ending his own life, he just wanted to crawl into a ball and die, to trade places with his son – but he knew he couldn't do that, he had to think of Goten and Gohan, what would they do if he was gone? Crap! If that were what crossed his mind, with Vegeta's track record what the hell would he think of? What would he do?

"I love Vegeta. I really do."

"I know."

"But Goten - . . ."

* * *

No! No – this couldn't be right, this was wrong! It had to be! _Damn it!_

Vegeta shuddered; pressing himself against the cold door of small cubicle, he grasped his stomach, looking down at it with watering eyes. He glared as if Alien were to burst through his skin. Damn, damn, damn! He couldn't be certain – he couldn't jump to conclusions . . .! _He needed help_. He was mated with Goku now right? They had a telepathic bond, even if Goku didn't know how to use it Vegeta did. Concentrating he tried to access Goku's mind but was flooded by pain. Goku was probably still upset about Goten – in his state there was no way he'd hear Vegeta's cries for help.

He brushed a hand through his black hair, still streaked with pink thanks to Trunks. It was true that Saiyans were very much different to Humans . . . The tails and transformations – his own tail inadvertently wrapped around his waist at the thought – the extremely slow aging, after all he'd probably live to see his great, great, great grandkids and add about four more greats on and he'd still be alive then . . . And of course male Saiyans could bear children, just as the females could – an Earth male couldn't do that . . .

Kami! He was only with Kakarott last night! Would he really be showing symptoms that fast? Well he was certainly sick, and dizzy - . . . but that could be anything right? He shook his head, he could remember Raditz's pregnancy only lasted four months, and according to Raditz that was normal for all Saiyans. Vegeta laughed to himself – it was comforting to think about the times he was serving Freeza sometimes, to remember his old friends and remember the secrets they shared and the relationships they had. Vegeta and Nappa had kept Raditz secret to this day.

Damn! He was getting distracted . . .

Was he or wasn't he? Maybe Bulma could test him and find out. Yeah – he'd get a definite answer by tonight no doubt. He breathed deeply, he was going to need to tell Goku though whether he was or wasn't – they had to be honest with each other; they were together now after all. He tried breaking through his mental bond to Goku again, all he got back was the fact that Goku's heart was breaking – whatever was happening to Goku it wasn't good.

He sighed.

He should have explained the bond to Goku better, maybe then he could get through to him, but they were so caught up in the heat of the moment Goku didn't notice the teeth in his neck or his in Vegeta's and they had no time the next day for Vegeta to explain . . .

Breathing deeply he opened the door and made his way out the bathroom to the elevator, he was going to have to tell Goku and ask Bulma to test him and see if he was. With the worry eating his mind he tried to focus on Goku, why was Goku upset? Something had to be happening to him or going on in his mind, but what?

It couldn't be anything bad. He was probably worrying over Goten, right? Right.

As the lift came down and up he closed his eyes trying to hold in his agony. With a deep breath he made his way over to the waiting room, jumping at the noise of the lift doors closing behind him, walking into the room where Bulma and Goku were he swallowed hard – it looked like Goku had been crying, his eyes were red and swollen and Bulma looked pale as a ghost, shaking her head at Goku as if trying to convince him something was false or wrong . . .

Vegeta walked in and sat on a table opposite Goku, he really should tell Goku what might be inside him, what might be going on, but it could wait. He either was or he wasn't and whatever Vegeta was it wasn't going to change in a few minutes. Goku was more important and he had to come first. He looked into Goku's eyes and let his tail fall from his waist.

"Goku? What's wrong? I sensed you were in pain through our bond."

"Bond?"

"Yes, you are aware of the Saiyan mating rituals aren't you? When a Saiyan -."

"Oh yeah . . ." He paused and felt his tears coming back to him. "'Geta, I love you, I really do but Goten -."

"He's upset about us, I know."

"Which is why-." Kami, this was too fucking hard! He collapsed into his hands and felt the tears falling, he couldn't look Vegeta in the face, not now, not when his heart was breaking and he would break Vegeta's too. "I think we need a break, _just for a while_ – Goten's got to be a priority. He – he -. Once he's gotten over it we can be _together_ – but I can't hurt him in the meantime. You understand, right Vegeta?"

Vegeta's face remained still and expressionless. What? No – Goku didn't mean this. He couldn't. He looked Goku deep in the eyes and gasped as realisation dawned, Goku meant he said. He meant it!

His heart pounded furiously in his chest as his heart shattered, he never loved anyone, no one, and every time he experienced love it was used against him or abandoned him, this was no different! Goku just used him and was now leaving him . . . Why? He screamed inside as excruciating agony seized him. Kami! He needed to cut, to bleed to let it all out . . . He wanted death . . . He moved his hand to his stomach and thought about what lay inside – no! He wouldn't hurt himself! If Goten really was Goku's priority and not some excuse then this child had to be Vegeta's priority!

He cringed he stood up and walked away slowly. He would not let Goku see him like this, not now -. Jumping up Goku raced to his side, holding onto his shoulder tightly. "Please 'Geta, I love you! Don't be angry, I have to do this for Goten, but -."

Vegeta spun around, the tears flowing freely from his face. What? Goku had the nerve to patronise him like this? Lie to him like a child? Why did he claim to love him when he clearly didn't? He might as well rip Vegeta's heart out right now, because he'd never have a need for it ever again . . .

"Vegeta?"

Great. Now the oaf sensed something was wrong with him . . .

"I'm pregnant Kakarott."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Warning: Some swearing.

Slowly he let his hand slide away from Vegeta's shoulder as his body froze. With widened eyes staring emptily into his lovers he shook his head with total confusion. Vegeta had to be mistaken? After all it was impossible. Vegeta was a guy! Guys couldn't have children, right? Why was he saying this? Why now? It couldn't be to get back at Goku, Vegeta wasn't that kind of person but still, did Vegeta actually realize what he was saying?

Looking from Bulma to Vegeta he tried to hide the look of absolute shock on this face, his heart was already racing a million miles an hour and his mind was spinning like a tornado. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be real. Kami! He couldn't let 'Geta walk out the door after hearing that!

"'Geta?"

With his hand shaking violently he stroked Vegeta's faced gently, pushing a lock of currently pink hair out of the way; looking lovingly into his eyes he breathed deeply letting his watery tears cascade downwards. He was taken aback as Vegeta pushed him away, moving nearer to the door. Choking on his own fear he gave a pleading look and shook his head lightly.

"Vegeta? What's wrong? Why won't you let me touch you?"

"You actually have the nerve to ask me that?" A disgusted scowl spread over his lips. "After you abuse my heart and stab me in the back? You're no better than Freeza!"

"What?" Damn it. He could feel his face burning as he choked on his cold tears, his body still shaking from doubt and fear and now from the blow to his own heart. No better than Freeza? He felt so dizzy, his mind was becoming a blur, a stream of light-headed thoughts; he turned around and collapsed on the soft cushions of a chair.

"You heard me." Turning his face to the window he held back his own tears, letting the warm sun cover his cheeks. "He just used me for his own needs like you did, he didn't care about me and neither do you – and what he did to his own mistakes, it's no better than you abandoning yours . . ."

He remembered the devastation on Raditz face, the look of absolute terror and oblivion as his whole universe was destroyed, how for weeks, months, _years _after he barely resembled his old self, how he and Nappa had to watch him twenty-four seven on the anniversary of the death for years after. Goku hadn't, nor would he ever, harm or kill the child but his betrayal stung just like the betrayal Raditz had felt. How could Vegeta let his child go through this pain? He knew to well how betrayal felt and why would he put his chibi through that – why should he stay to listen to Goku?

"Vegeta – please! I love you, I really do! Can't you understand that Goten had to come first? He's my son! My flesh and blood! I love you just as much but Goten's a child and he has to be a priority! Vegeta I love you."

"The way Freeza loved his child . . ." Vegeta mumbled. The memory played over and over; the blood that covered the walls stained his mind to this day . . . He had still thrown flowers to the wind even now, the way Raditz had before he died.

"What? Freeza never -."

"How would you know? Besides if Goten is your priority then this child must be mine."

"Vegeta, how – you can't -. Pregnant?"

A low growl escaped his lips and he threw a deep glare to Goku, stroking his stomach lightly he nodded his head. "Yes. Saiyan males have always had the ability to carry and bear young, in fact it was very common."

Goku shook his head. This was too much to take in – even if this was right, why were the symptoms so quick?

"Because Saiyan males only carry for four months so the symptoms appear four times faster."

Okay, now this was too much! How the hell did -? "Vegeta?"

"The bond? Remember? No, I don't suppose you do. You don't care in the slightest about me, so why should our bond matter?" Letting his tears fall he turned to Goku and wiped his tears from his face. "Of all the people I've ever cared about, I never thought you'd be the one to betray me like you did."

"Vegeta -."

"Don't." He turned to Bulma and nodded. "I'm going home. You can do the tests when you get back, and make sure Trunks keeps the fuck away from me when he gets back."

Turning his back on them both he stormed towards the door, masking his pain with anger was harder than he could think, and blocking his devastation from Goku was even harder – Kami! He couldn't bear this, just to end it would be so welcomed, to leave this world would be such a blessing, but thanks to this thing inside him he couldn't – how could he harm his child the way Goku harmed him? Still, one cut wouldn't hurt – he had to do something! His chest felt so tight, he head so crushed – everything was too much!

Jumping up, Goku raced to the door, spinning around to face Vegeta and blocking his way out. He couldn't keep his tears from falling as he looked from Vegeta's face to stomach. So in there was his child? His own little chibi? Damn! He'd never have thought – never have imagined that -. Breathing deeply he held in all his tears.

"Vegeta, don't go."

"Why?"

"Because even if you do hate me, that's my child as well – I love you both and we need to talk, if not for me for the child's sake."

Scowling he shook his head with revulsion. "You think I hate you? If I hated you I wouldn't be so crushed, I wouldn't be wishing for death. As far as I'm concerned, Goku -." He paused. "Just leave me alone."

Pushing Goku aside gently he walked passed him, tears falling freely. As the door closed separating the two Goku heart burst; collapsing against the door holding onto it as if it was Vegeta himself he felt himself break down. Why was Vegeta doing this? He never once meant to hurt him. Never.

* * *

Pacing the length of the lab he growled. He could sense Goku's pain through the bond, Goku had yet to learn how to control it, but that was nothing unusual for one raised as an Earthling. So Goku really was upset? He never meant to hurt him? He shook his head. So what was going on? Why did Goku say he wanted to break up when he didn't, because of Goten nonetheless? He glanced across the lab to Goku who was sleeping on a pile of papers on Bulma's desk, the only place in the whole room that was relatively tidy.

The idiot had been sleeping there for hours; he'd followed Vegeta home and refused to leave him, then when Bulma got back and was discussing blood tests with Vegeta he passed out on the desk. Then Bulma who would only be a 'minute' went to collect the chibi's from Chi-Chi leaving Vegeta lone with an unconscious Goku, who was still in deep pain asleep.

Sighing he glanced across at the pale face lying on the desk, his face was contorted like his was having a nightmare and the only words coherent enough for Vegeta to decipher were 'Please 'Geta stay,' and 'I love you'.

Maybe he was getting sentimental thanks to the brat inside him, but he was actually starting to believe the jackass. Shaking his head he made his way through the labyrinth of junk, machines, papers and experiments to the desk. He rested his hand on Goku's head, stroking the mane of hair gently.

"Baka, wake up."

Squinting Goku stretched his arms, knocking over a mountain of paperwork and pulled himself up. With a loud yawn he turned to a blurry Vegeta and rubbed his eyes.

"What time is it? Why was I asleep?"

"There's too many machines blocking the clock but I think it's mid-afternoon, and you're asleep because as soon as Bulma said blood-test you screamed 'needle' and passed out."

Slightly nauseas at the thought of a needle Goku nodded, turning paler than before. Looking up at Vegeta he gave a bright smile. "So you're speaking to me?"

"What do you think, moron?"

Goku glanced around the lab, and then looked up and down at Vegeta. He was wearing black trousers with an open denim jacket, his chest and stomach on show to Goku who yawned again. "You've changed your clothes again? Looks nice." Opening his eyes wide he did a double take and jumped to his feet. "Kami 'Geta! Your chest!"

Scattered over his chest were cuts much deeper than Goku had ever seen before, at least a inch or two deep, and several inches long, and there were lots of them, too many to count. It looked like Vegeta had cleaned the blood from his chest though as his tanned skin could be seen around them.

"Don't worry – I stopped after a while so I wouldn't harm the chibi, besides it's not your business yet what I've done. We still need to talk."

"You want to talk?"

"I sensed your pain through the bond, I still do. You were telling the truth that you loved me and you did what you did because it was all because of Goten, but I still don't understand why you'd leave me. If you love me that much then I can't make sense of why."

"But we're cool? You still want to be with me?"

"Of course, but before we go any further I still want to know why you did what you did, I mean after all – _Kakarott_!" Vegeta almost choked as Goku jumped at him, hugging him tightly, kissing his neck over and over, he almost knocked him over with his force. With a large smile and a laugh he held onto Vegeta tighter.

"I love you so much, Geta."

"Fine, just let go of my neck!"

Goku let go quickly as Vegeta grabbed his neck, shaking his head with annoyance. He smiled though as he realised how happy Goku actually was. "Anyway I have something to tell you."

"Yeah?"

"Bulma did the tests whilst you were out."

"And?"

"And they were positive."

Jumping up with a brilliant smile Goku dived at Vegeta and held him warmly. "Brilliant! Kami, that's great news!"

Vegeta smiled. He wouldn't have ever thought he'd feel this way, but Goku was right. It was good news.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

Warning: Some mature content.

He watched as the roses fell down into the breeze, drifting lovingly into the ocean below like feathers from an angel's wing, the soft petals floating elegantly on the water. He'd always enjoyed this place, the cliff was near to where Piccolo trained Gohan all those years ago and was the most serene place he could think of, but watching this was new to him, he'd been here so many times and so often and never had he seen anyone throw flowers to the wind.

He turned his eyes to Vegeta and smiled gently; he didn't understand it at all, he didn't even pretend to, all he knew was the smaller Saiyan demanded they go someplace quiet and 'nice' at once and promised to go and see Gohan after like planned. In fact it was strange how Vegeta actually seemed to look forward to seeing Gohan . . .

As the last few roses fell Vegeta closed his eyes in remembrance, heaving a low sigh.

"Vegeta?"

"What?" Vegeta's arms folded as he took up an emotionless stance, gazing out over the ocean with an intense look of regret burning into his face. Something wasn't right with him, that much was obvious, and at the same time how Vegeta's hand involuntarily moved to his stomach worried him . . .

"What was that about? I mean you've never acted like that in your life, all sentimental and stuff. And why throw flowers into the sea for anyway? What's going on?" He watched as Vegeta's eyes opened wide as he turned to face Goku. The Prince seemed almost nervous, the way he looked everywhere except him, the way he rubbed his muscles as if he didn't know what to do, as if they burned with a fire. He didn't really expect Vegeta to answer him, which was why he was so surprised when he did . . .

"Someone died long ago and to cut a long story short I promised to carry on their memory, and with this cub within me it reminded me of their life . . . I guess I just felt it was the least I could do for them."

"Who died?"

"It doesn't matter, Goku."

"But who was it?"

"A child . . . Murdered . . . Betrayed." Shaking his head he forced his usual scowl and looked away from the ocean quickly. "But it was long ago, before you went Super Saiyan, before Gohan was born and before I even came to Earth."

Goku smiled. "I think our child really is making you sentimental, before you'd have just laughed and called that sort of thing 'an act of human weakness and emotion'."

"Actually, for this tradition I wouldn't have."

Goku's face changed into a frown of worry as he stretched out a hand onto Vegeta's shoulder, gently stroking him through his jacket. Something was wrong and he could sense it, 'Geta was never usually an emotional person and never would he be acting like this, and who was this child he was remembering anyway?

Moving closer he wrapped his arms around Vegeta's waist and held him tightly, kissing his neck gently.

"What's wrong Vegeta?"

"Nothing Kakarott, it's nothing."

He watched as Vegeta turned his head away, gazing down solemnly at the flowers below, floating on the surface of the water. He seemed so distant and pained it hurt Goku to look at him.

"You can trust me Vegeta, you know that. Who are the flowers for?"

He felt Vegeta's body go tense as he gripped Goku's arms tightly and groaned slightly. "You want to know? They're for a friend's child. He was the closest friend I ever had and a strong Saiyan too, unfortunately he was also considered beautiful and he came under the spell of a stronger being falling in love with them, not knowing he was being used. He became pregnant. We were very supportive of him when he found out the father had left him, we promised to help him as much as we could, but then -."

"Then what?"

"He came back."

"Who did?"

"The father. He ripped the child from his body and exploded the contents of his hands, with a ki blast that forced Nappa and I flying." He cringed as he realised he let an important name slip; he carried on hoping Goku wouldn't notice. "The blood painted the walls. It was the most horrific thing I've ever encountered. Our friend became hysterical and once we had healed him we had to watch him continuously to stop him from trying to kill himself. Every year on the day the child died he threw flowers to the wind. We promised him we'd do the same if anything happened to him, and we did – I still do. I guess this has brought back the memory and I thought it best to honour that memory the only way I knew how."

"Vegeta -."

"Don't. Besides we're supposed to be picking Gohan up from the hospital about now, Piccolo and that harpy will go berserk if we're late."

"Yeah, but Vegeta - . . ." He said Nappa's name right? So did that mean their friend was Raditz? That this happened to his brother? Maybe he was just jumping to conclusions . . . "Never mind. You know, I can't wait to see Gohan! We've got to tell him the good news! He's going to be so excited!"

Vegeta smiled turning to face Goku. "Kakarott why don't you go ahead, I'll be right behind you. I need a moment alone."

"Err, yeah sure. See you in a second, 'Geta!"

He watched as Goku sped away and sighed, turning to the ocean below.

"Raditz . . . I'm sorry. It was my fault . . . It was all my fault."

Opening his hand he let one lone flower fall into the breeze. Quickly he turned to follow Goku, leaving the flowers to the wind and waves . . .

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the quality of the chapter, the next one will be much better I promise! (I only had a day to write this I'm afraid). Sorry also for the update delay, I've been really side-tracked with college work and my original story, but I'm going to try and get back to doing regular update, so no worries ;o) 


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

His hand played with the cold metal, rolling it over and over in his palm as the sharp edge gave him the relief he desperately sought. Just knowing it was there it made all the difference . . . He needed something, _anything_, his heart was beating a tribal beat of fear and dread, and the bitter taste of sorrow and regret was consuming him more than any feeling ever could. Kami! He had to get all his worries out of his head, he had a life inside him that had to come first, and all this worrying wouldn't be doing it any good!

He looked to the clock and screamed inside. How many times had he told that damned onna to keep this place tidy? The whole wall was covered with stacks of paperwork and heavy machinery, and all she could say to him when he screamed aloud was he wasn't supposed to be in here to begin with. It was only hours ago after he'd thrown the flowers to the wind in remembrance, the thoughts of Raditz and the poor child still haunting his mind . . . Even when they went to Gohan at the hospital and took him home he still felt that stab of depression in his soul, and it was only made worse when Chi-Chi demanded a private word with Goku after finding out about Vegeta's pregnancy. He hadn't wanted to leave him alone with that witch, but Goku insisted on it, even Gohan was reluctant as they both left for CC. He growled loudly and punched the nearest wall. Goku should be back by now!

"Hey Vegeta, you should calm down! It's probably nothing!"

He threw a glare at Bulma who was sitting across the room with Gohan, trying to distract the brat with blueprints for her latest idea. "Excuse me? Probably _nothing_?" The venom in his voice spat poison, threatening to burn whomever the words touched. "Remember the little incident at the hospital where she attacked Kakarott? Was that _nothing_?"

He watched as Gohan flinched. As if by instinct he had lifted his wrist to his eyes examining the long scar down him arm, Vegeta's words brought it all back, the fear of what she'd do next to Goku, how long the screams would go on for, the pain it all caused him . . . It wasn't as though that was the only reason but –. He shook his head and stroked the scar with his spare hand. "Vegeta?"

"What?"

"You self-harm right? The – the scar, will it ever disappear? Will it ever go?"

Vegeta drew back as he saw the boys pleading, hopeful look. He shook his head and shrugged trying to avoid eye contact; he felt bad enough as it was without the guilt of upsetting the boy on his conscience. "No, but don't think of it as a bad thing, think of it as a reminder that the past is real, that what happened in your mind happened in reality. It'll inspire you to achieve more and not to sink to that despair again."

"Yeah . . ." Sighing he leant back on the desk and looked up at the ceiling with regret. "Say Bulma, where is dad anyway? He really should be back by now."

Vegeta jumped to his feet and pointed accusingly. "Ha! I told you something was odd! Even the brat thinks it's not normal!"

Bulma shook her head. "Vegeta! Gohan! Will you two relax? Kami, in a minute you're going to explode. Chill!"

"It's hard to relax Bulma," Gohan confessed, "I mean, I know Videl's there waiting for me to come back, and I'm guessing Piccolo's lurking around too, but I still don't trust them two together. You have any idea how many times I've heard the screams, saw the violence, prayed to Kami it'd just stop and she'd leave him alone? If she didn't care I was there why would she care that Videl and Piccolo are?"

Laying down the blueprints onto the table Bulma began to make the adjustments she needed with pencil, she wasn't ignoring him but Kami she needed some distraction right now, these two were driving her insane! Sure they loved Goku, she did too, but to keep asking about him every second was getting to be a joke. "Hey Gohan, if you keep that up Vegeta will end up going crazy and going over there, and you'll just worry yourself to death. Try to relax please, remember that you just got of hospital! Goku will be fine!"

"Will he?"

"Sure thing."

"So where is he now then? How come he hasn't come back? He hasn't even phoned or -."

"Gohan, he just had to bring you back from hospital and take Goten home, and then he had to explain that Vegeta's carrying his baby, it's not going to be an easy conversation and they'll need to talk quite a lot I'd guess. He'll be back soon." Time to change the conversation, anymore talk about Goku and she'd see him in her sleep! "Anyway, Vegeta, I heard you were putting flowers in the sea earlier, how come?"

"None of your business!"

"Gee, it was just a polite question."

He grunted. "Polite question my ass."

"Hey Vegeta, that's not nice now is it?" He spun around as a familiar voice echoed across the lab. Standing in the doorframe was Goku, he was standing in his blue gi with his usual look of glee, and his face had turned into a smile as he winked at Gohan and Vegeta. The only thing that wasn't right was the cut on his lip, a recent addition to his collection of bruises. Gohan's eyes fell dead on the cut, which was still trickling blood and Vegeta moved to examine it. "Hey guys it's nothing! It wasn't Chi honestly!"

"Yeah? Are you sure dad?"

"Course I'm sure! Goten got upset with me and tried to fight with me that's all, I wasn't going to fight back with him now, was I?"

A soft laugh escaped Gohan. "Goten did that? Boy dad, you must be getting weak in your old age."

"Hey! Anyway it's cool, he's still upset but he's a lot calmer, he says he wants to talk to Trunks but I couldn't let him because no ones told Trunks yet, so he's even more angry with me than before." Goku shrugged. "He's too young to understand."

Goku's eyes fell onto Vegeta's whose face was masked with relief and warmth, a total opposite to what it had been before. He barely had time to move as he felt Vegeta's arms around him, holding him tightly, he sighed and held tight back, resting his head on Vegeta's shoulder.

"Miss me then?"

"What do you think?"

"Honestly? I _think_ we need to get Gohan back, Chi's really desperate to see him." Goku gave a bright smile and nodded to the door.

"Kakarott you just got back, we've been worrying none stop since you've left!"

"Come on 'Geta, you know as much as I do Gohan needs his rest and he also needs time with Piccolo, Chi, Videl and the rest. Why don't you two go ahead and I'll catch up, I need a word with Bulma."

Vegeta shook his head and smiled. "Well hurry up, we won't wait all day for you!"

"No problem 'Geta."

He watched Vegeta left the room quickly; Gohan gave him a sudden hug before he left, as soon as they both had gone he collapsed onto the floor with complete exhaustion. His whole body felt like it was on fire, the burning in his veins made his skin feel aflame, and his head pounded continuously like a sledgehammer hit it! Every bone in his body felt broken. He held back the tears as he rubbed his shoulder carefully, trying to get back some feeling. Sighing Bulma came close to him and rested her hand on his. The look in her eyes was one of total sadness.

"Goku? Are you okay?"

He nodded.

"Chi did that didn't she? Not Goten." She watched as he gave another weak nod.

He coughed loudly as he moved his legs into a more comfortable position; resting his head on her chest he held back his pain. "She wasn't too happy and me and 'Geta . . . as you can tell. She said a lot of things, most of what she said was with her fists though."

"Oh Goku . . ." Giving him a hug tightly she kept close to him. "Goku what about Goten and Gohan? You can't leave the boys with her . . . if she can do this to you what will she do to them? It's even worse than that, she sounds furious and what will she let her anger out on? It's too dangerous. We have to do something, what are you going to do?"

Goku shook his head the pain was overwhelming.

"I don't know," He said. "I really don't know."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

A/N: Sorry for the update delay . . . The beginning of this chapter's a bit different because the first few paragraphs are first person ;o) the rest is third person though so no worries.

Warning: Lemon and yaoi.

Goku's POV 

I really enjoyed Bulma's company; I'm not going to pretend that I didn't, so don't get me wrong. I mean I've known her since I was ever so young, if I ever needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to hang out with or just to talk to she was always there for me. Sometimes I didn't even need to ask for her company when I needed it, it didn't matter what had happened I knew she'd just be there ready for me despite everything. I love her, she's like the big sister I never had, and she means the world to me.

With Bulma it's as though she can make any situation go from dark and gloomy to bright and hopeful, but it just seems to drive me crazy at the moment and I can't describe why, I don't mean to seem ungrateful because I really, really love her, but she just doesn't seem to understand that there are some things that are damned to happen, something's that can't be fixed so. I mean she spent hours trying to convince me to sort things out with Chi-Chi, to arrange things so the boys would be safe and so I wouldn't need to see her anymore, but no matter what she suggested I say or do I couldn't convince her that it wasn't that simple! It wasn't that easy to just make things better with Chi, and it never would be . . .

I felt safe with Bulma, but even though I felt comfortable and her advice was great I couldn't help but feel so relieved when Vegeta came back. It felt like he and Gohan had been gone for hours, the moment he stepped through those laboratory doors my heart lifted like I never felt it, the relief just swept over me like a great wave and I nearly cried. He walked in so casually straightening his jacket with a sharp, gorgeous smirk that made me want to kiss him; he nodded to Bulma and me acknowledging us. He didn't have to say anything to make my worries disappear; just one look raised my spirits. I was safe at last. Kami, I loved him.

We spent a while in the labs with Bulma; she was cheerful enough, trying to subtly get me to say something to 'Geta, but Vegeta . . . he was in a usual temper, punching the air and yelling complaints as loudly as it took to get me and Bulma to listen. Apparently Chi was quite rough with Gohan, nothing too bad from the sounds of it, demanding he study and the like, too be honest I'm worried that if he finds out that Chi attacked me again he'll become livid and take it out on her or someone else, no way can Bulma be right that it's the best thing to do; but maybe that's for the best, after all everyone seems to think Chi might get violent towards the boys, but Vegeta seems to think everything's okay . . . but if that's true then why is there another fresh cut on his chest?

Maybe he's just trying to make me feel better?

Kami! I know I should do something, I mean how can I just leave Goten and Gohan there like that? Anything could happen! But how can I say something? If I tell Vegeta he'll just become furious and try and kill Chi as soon as he hears about it, and then there's the fact it might make Chi all the more angry and she might take it out on the boys even more . . . Damn it! Who's to say she would? She's never been anything but good to them till now!

I guess all I can do is hope things turn out okay and that no one finds out anytime soon. In the meantime I can't help but worry, if anything were to happen it'd be my entire fault . . .

Normal POV 

A low groan escaped Goku's lips as his chest heaved; his trousers sliding down passed his shivering legs. He gazed down at his lover, a pleased smile crossed his lips, Kami Vegeta looked like the personification of perfection, his tight, tanned muscles hone with a sheen of sweat and his hair was dark as ever in the low light of the bedroom. Moaning loudly Goku arched his back as warm hands spread over his legs and warm breath travelled over his erect member. God, it felt so good . . . He jumped slightly as the soft, moist tongue worked its way over his sensitive skin, circling him as it reached the top of its destination.

A sly smile crept over Vegeta's lips as without warning he took Goku whole, enveloping him with the heat or his mouth, sucking and licking eagerly at the being beneath him. Writhing in ecstasy Goku's groans became louder and more heated as his body pulsed in pleasure; it was like electricity was surging through him as Vegeta continued, stroking him beneath as he carried on.

As his body reached the edge he screamed in ecstasy, his whole body vibrating, shaking and shivering in absolute pleasure, his whole body seemed consumed by a fire of warmth. Through hazed eyes he looked down at the man between his legs.

"Vegeta . . ."

Slowly and gently Vegeta's hand seeped underneath Goku's shirt sending deep shivers through his spine, gently stroking his skin lightly and carefully he pulled another groan from Goku's mouth. Glancing into Vegeta's eyes Goku collapsed against the cool sheets of the bed, moaning loudly. The Saiyan Prince looked irresistible, since he came back to Capsule Corps all he wanted was quality time with Goku and if there was one thing the Prince was good at it was 'quality' time, and the powerful fire in his eyes showed that well. His eyes burned with intensity as he looked into the dark orbs before him.

"Vegeta I love you."

Locking his lips against his lovers he kissed him deeply, warring with Vegeta's muscle for power and exploring the cavern of his mouth for unseen treasures. He tasted so delicious and sweet it made him want all the more, pressing forward he moved his hands across Vegeta's arms and down to his wrists, lifting them above his head, rolling them over and pinning him against the soft fabric of the bed.

Trailing a line of soft kisses down the prince's neck he sighed. The prince's moans were the most arousing sound he could ever here. A deep groan fell from his lips as he felt his shirt being worked up over his head and thrown onto the floor. Leaning into Vegeta he smiled and made to unwrap him from his clothing.

"Goku. Wait!"

Still kissing his tanned skin lightly and stroking his muscles Goku smiled. "Why?" His hands trailed lower, massaging every inch of skin he came across.

"Kakarott!" He fell back as a sharp thud pushed against his chest, knocking him back painfully and bringing him to his senses. With dark pleading eyes he gazed sincerely at Vegeta with a begging yet sincerely worried look.

"What's wrong 'Geta?"

"What's wrong?" A powerful growl let lose and he shook his head firmly, eyes glowing with absolute rage; he shoved Goku again forcefully and painfully with a powerful punch to the chest before folding his arms and glaring. "Care to explain that?"

"Explain what?" Following the Prince's gaze he glanced down, across his chest was a deep purple, blue bruise that traced over several deep gashes, and across the rest of his body lay more bruises from his earlier conversation with Chi-Chi, on his side four dark scratches stretched his skin and a weeping cut lay near his shoulder blade. Great, just great! He thought he could get away with this, after all there was no way anyone would find out . . . He totally forgot there would be these sort of situations. How would he explain this? He jumped slightly with deep fear and regret as Gohan skipped through his mind. What would happen if Gohan found out? He'd be devastated. How was he going to hide this? "Err I can explain . . ."

"Don't bother Kakarott, we both know how you got them."

Closing his eyes slightly he gave a nervous burst of air, tensing his body at Vegeta's words. So if he knew then what was the problem? He moved his hand down his body and touched the bruise lightly, flinching he moved his hand away again quickly, the pain was pretty sharp and acute, it didn't help that Vegeta decided to punch him there twice on purpose. Why on Earth did he do that? It didn't half kill, maybe 'Geta did that on purpose as revenge or just from anger.

How could Vegeta do this to himself on purpose? It still didn't make much sense. He soon realised he hadn't replied for a while and shrugged. What could he say? He couldn't ask what the problem was because he knew what was wrong, Chi should never have hurt him like that and if she could do that to him . . .

Were Goten and Gohan safe? Should he go fetch them? God, it felt like his heart was being torn in two and he knew there was nothing he could do about it. It felt so bad, like a disease eating away at him, plaguing him with insanity and melancholy, but what could he do?

"Goku? Why do you let her do this?" Great, Vegeta sounded angry too, that's all he needed was to make the one person he loved more than anything angry with him. Suddenly he felt a hand on his cheek stroking lightly and lovingly and he felt warm breath on his neck and Vegeta's head on his shoulders. "Why did you hide it from me?"

Kami . . . what could he say? "I didn't want you or Gohan to find out . . . I mean you've both been through so much – I couldn't hurt you both with this."

"So you let it hurt you instead? What was it you said about trust? That I could trust you with anything? Well how can I trust you when you won't even admit that this is a problem? She has no right to do this! She had no reason!"

Shivering from the pain he shrugged and rested his hand on Vegeta's head, holding him lightly. What was he doing? Was there anything he could do to stop her? Maybe Vegeta was right . . . Maybe he couldn't be trusted. Maybe he was just a curse for everyone. If it wasn't for Vegeta or the cub inside him he would have ran away by now, hid far away and never come back . . . least then he'd be safe and so would everyone else. Who would worry if he'd just disappear? Maybe it was for the best . . .

"Don't think like that Goku."

Oh right, the bond, Vegeta could hear his thoughts . . . "I'm sorry 'Geta, but what can I do? I said before I can't fight her back and even if I could that'd mean she'd just take the boys away, I couldn't live without them and besides -."

"Goku. The boys are just as much in danger as you were, look at Gohan, does he look remotely healthy or happy? The boy tried to kill himself! Part of that was from fear and desperation, it broke his heart to see that happen to you and it killed him thinking hat would happen next."

Goku flinched sharply and held onto him more tightly. So it was his fault after all . . . Well Gohan would be an adult soon, so he'd be able to leave and maybe be with Videl and live happily, so Gohan would be okay, none of this would matter, right? But that still didn't help Goten – what if Bulma was right . . . what if she took this out on them? He had to do something.

Lifting Vegeta's head he locked eyes with the Prince. He looked so beautiful, like an idol even the gods would gladly worship. He gave the best smile he could and heaved a sigh. "What can I do though?"

"We could always bring the brats here . . ."

Goku laughed despite himself, that was quite a funny suggestion really but by the look on Vegeta's face he was serious. Pulling himself together he gave a sad, remorseful look that made Vegeta scowl. "Sorry, it's just you hate the boys, they always drive you crazy and with one more on the way I would have thought it'd be the last thing you want."

"Well you'd owe me big time but I can think of many ways you can repay the debt." He gave a subtle grin to indicate what he meant. "Besides I don't hate them, I can tolerate them and it's for the best really."

"Shouldn't we ask Bulma first, I mean -."

"I asked her earlier and she's up for it. Says it'll be nice to have someone around who understands what science is and how to use a laboratory, Gohan and her really get on. Don't worry about Goten, he has no idea about your problems or Gohan's and all he wants at heart is to play with Trunks, and he still might be upset with you for leaving but he'll get over it."

Wincing Goku shook his head. "How am I supposed to get them to stay here? Chi will go spare! She won't just let me take them."

"She'll have to, if she tries to go the courts she'd lose straight away, she's an abusive harpy who deserves to spend eternity in hell, besides Bulma has the best lawyers in the world."

"I'm not going to fight with her like that! It's not right and besides she has rights to see them to . . ."

"She gave up those rights when she started hurting you like she did."

Goku jumped as the phone rang loudly. Reaching over for it he groaned as he heard the voice – speak of the devil . . . Hanging up he shook his head. "That was Chi, apparently she had an argument with Gohan and he ran away, she thinks he's at Videl's and wants me to go get him. Goten's been crying for ages too apparently."

"Why do you think he's crying?"

Shrugging he climbed off the bed and grabbed his shirt forcing it on painfully. Shaking his head he nodded to Vegeta. "I have to go get him, if Bulma asks -."

"You aren't serious! Since when were you her slave! Goku -."

"Vegeta, I have to go."

"Why?"

"Goten used to cry whenever she'd hit me, he'd cry for hours until Gohan calmed him down. If he's crying like this then maybe . . . maybe Gohan's in trouble."

"I'm coming with you then -."

"No, it's okay. Wait here, I'll be back soon."

As Goku walked out of the door Vegeta gave a subtle smirk. "Like I'll let you go alone Kakarott." Grabbing his jacket from the floor he headed for the window and jumped.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

A/N: Thanks to CrimsonSin and thanks again to King Kakarot, who have inspired me to start updating again. I hope this new chapter is okay, I haven't wrote this story for a long while and I've gotten used to writing in the style of my original works; well I hope it's okay and everyone enjoys it. Updates may be random as I have a heavy workload and a lot to do, but I'll update as often as possible so please be patient.

This was the last and only place left where Gohan could be . . .

Goku felt his heart racing, any second now and he expected it to burst from his chest, he just felt so – so nervous! After all what if his son tried to hurt himself again, or take his own life or ran away for good? God damn it, he had no idea how he would cope if something bad happened to Gohan! This was his fault, wasn't it? He could feel the despair creep into his mind and the guilt plaguing him, it was like every inch of his skin was being eaten by his own self-loathing. If he'd just stayed with Chi, if he'd kept his wounds better hidden, then Gohan wouldn't be so upset and everything would be fine . . .

He shook his head violently. No, it wouldn't have been fine, how could he even think about living without Vegeta or not having the new child that was on the way? Still, there wasn't much time to think about what could have been or would have been, he had to find his son! He'd checked everywhere, Videl said that she hadn't seen him at all and Kami House was empty save from Eighteen who wasn't exactly thrilled to have unexpected visitors – Kami Lookout was the only place left, and where else would Gohan feel safer than with his old mentor Piccolo?

He took a glance around and shivered. He hadn't really been here since the Cell Games, he had no idea why he was avoiding the place so much, maybe it was because of the memories of the Time Chamber and of Piccolo and of everyone being there, supporting him, back then everyone was a family and helped each other and they saw each other all the time . . . He missed that. If he ever found Gohan the first thing he'd do was get the old gang back together and celebrate.

Looking around all he could see was the great expanse of white, the whole place looked magnificent and was a little intimidating, he shivered and felt his heart shrink, everything was exactly how he remembered it – only now planet Vegeta could probably be seen in the night sky and now his family had fallen apart. His heart wrenched as he choked on the stale air, the night sky was giving way to morning and as beautiful as it was he couldn't bring himself to appreciate it.

"Dad!"

"Gohan!" He knew that voice anywhere! Kami, he was so relieved! His whole body sagged and relaxed, it was like a great weight had been lifted and his whole body was singing, just to know that Gohan was alright and was here meant so much to him! He shook his head to stop the tears from falling and gave a thumbs up to his son. He gave a soft laugh and walked up to Gohan who had came out of the palace with Piccolo. "You know how worried we all were? I looked everywhere for you!"

"Why?" Gohan raised an eyebrow, he looked more confused than annoyed but it was still a shock to Goku. What, did the kid seriously think no one should have been worried, did he really expect no one to look for him? Damn, did he even know how much he meant to everyone?

"You ran away! Of course we'd look for you!"

Piccolo glared down at Gohan. "You ran away?"

"Of course I didn't! Why on Earth would you think that? Mom was really angry at you and I couldn't take all the lectures and screaming, I went to Videl's for an hour and then came to Piccolo to talk."

"But your Chi said you ran away, she was practically hysterical on the phone, and you've suppressed your ki too!"

"I'm still weak from what I did, it takes a lot of energy to fly, I asked Piccolo to bring me here and he did – that's why you can't sense my ki."

He gave a bright smile and gave Goku a hug to show he was okay. He certainly seemed okay, he was no longer pale and was smiling kind of creepily, but then again Piccolo was smiling too but probably from relief Gohan was fine, after all they were closer than anyone Goku ever knew. Still, wasn't it a little suspicious though? Chi might be a little on the evil side but she loved her kids more than anything, she'd never make up something as serious as Gohan running away unless she really believed it!

Goku's heart raced with all the possibilities, but as much as he wanted to believe his son he couldn't, he knew Chi wasn't making this up, he might not be able to trust her for most things, but he could for this! He groaned softly and held his head in frustration.

Gohan's expression suddenly changed when he saw how worried Goku was. It wasn't as if he'd done anything wrong, right? After all he'd just behaved how he felt best, he need a break so badly, and who else could he turn to other than his best friend Videl and Piccolo? Kami, staying in that house was so suffocating, he had no control over anything! It was like being in space without a spacesuit, feeling the air escape your lungs and the pressure overwhelm you. Then there was all the abuse his parents threw at each other and the cries of his brother, he could never do anything to help Goten, and to hear him crying just cut into his heart like a knife . . .

"Don't look like that dad," He pulled down his sleeve as far as it could, he'd soon heard plenty from his parents the other day about his self-harm, he never expected it to be secret forever, after all Piccolo told Goku everything and Goten was just a kid and wouldn't know to keep it quiet. Still, why did it hurt so much to have people knowing? He pulled his sleeve tighter and shivered. "She probably thinks I ran away because I told her I was moving out and stormed to my room, she must have came to check on me and my stuff was gone and so was I."

"So you did run away! Oh son, why didn't you talk to me, I could have helped you. Where are you staying now?"

"Hey, I told you I was going so it isn't _really _'running away', is it? Well, my stuff's still at Videl's but Piccolo says I can stay with him – I think I'll stay here for a while and then get my own place, college finishes soon so I can get a job, Bulma's offered me a job at Capsule Corps so I might go there."

"Yeah but son, you need your family around you, you're still recovering and what's your brother going to think? Why don't you stay with Vegeta and me?" Goku gave a bright smile, he knew it probably wouldn't reassure anyone though, his fear shone through too much – he scratched his neck nervously and then sighed. "Well, okay, it sounds like a good plan, and I guess there's no need to worry with Piccolo around you. You just try your best and work hard and I bet you'll be running Capsule Corps in a few years."

Gohan laughed and gave a sincere smile. "Thanks, dad."

With a quick hug Goku gave Piccolo a wink. "You keep an eye on him, okay, if anything happens I hold you responsible."

"Goku, when has anything ever happened on my watch?"

With a bright smile Goku grinned. "I could name a few examples. Anyway, if you're okay I better be going, I've got to tell your mom your okay and see about Goten. Take care son, I love you. You take care too, Piccolo!"

* * *

"Fine? Fine! How is it fine? He's gone away to live by himself after everything that's happened? And you tell me it's all fine!"

Goku heaved a sigh and covered his face with his hands, she'd been screaming at him non-stop since he came here, luckily though she hadn't resorted to any physical violence but then again with Goten curled up on his lap sleeping, it was very unlikely that she would. He gazed into the fire by his side, the logs had lit pretty quickly and the smell of the matches still flavoured the air, it would have been very relaxing if it wasn't for Chi pacing the length of the living room.

The only light came from the flames of the fire, it made the room seem almost romantic really as the all the features were illuminated and shaded all at once, and the way the fire lit up Goten's sleeping face made him seem like an angel – he was so cute and it reminded Goku of Gohan when he was a child.

"And speaking of _'fine' _what the hell is _he _doing here?"

Goku followed Chi's finger to the source of her anger. In the corner of the room nearest to the kitchen Vegeta was curled up on a large armchair, he was more awake than what Goten was but looked like he was on the verge of sleep. As soon as he heard Chi groan and stamp he feet he gave a mischievous smile and raised a finger to her, one that made her anger all the worse.

He wished so much that he and Vegeta were at home, or that he was playing with Goten and Gohan outside but he couldn't help the fact he was here, after all he had to explain what had happened, just – just why didn't he feel anything? It was like all his fear had gone, his sorrow but also his happiness and joy. It was always like this with Chi! Whenever he was around her and she got like this, he felt like he had to protect himself, so he switched his brain off and let his body die with it. He just sat there waiting for her to calm down but knowing she wouldn't.

"He has a name Chi-Chi, call him by it and I might answer you."

"How dare you? You can't speak to me like that –!"

She stormed over to where Goku was sitting, he flinched violently but when no strike came he looked up at her curiously. There was smoke coming from the wall where a ki blast hit and Chi was glaring furiously at Vegeta who was curled up innocently with a wicked grin plastered onto his face.

Chi snorted and then stormed to the middle of the room and leant against the wall in complete anger. "So why is Vegeta here? It's bad enough that you decide to be with him the second we break up, but to have him here threatening me is just downright disgusting and rude!"

"Will you give it a rest, harpy?" Vegeta snapped, opening an eye he stretched out and threw his legs over the arm, he seemed pretty relaxed considering but with all that had happened in the last few days that was far from the truth. "I've been following Kakarott since you phoned him, I'm not leaving his side whilst you're anywhere near him, he might not defend himself from your abuse but I will. You'll never touch him again."

"Just how the hell is what I do any of your business?"

"When you attack the person I love it _is _my business!"

"Guys," Goku yawned loudly, "I've been up most of the night looking for Gohan, whose fine I may add, he's already got a job waiting for him and he's nearly finished college; can we please keep our voices down?" He heard two simultaneous grunts and took them to mean 'yes'. "Thanks guys."

He heard a low sigh from 'Geta who was starting to fidget for a comfortable position, he found himself staring at 'Geta's stomach and smiling, to think that in a few months time they'd have a family of their own was an amazing thought, it cheered him up no end. He suddenly jumped as he felt a pull at his tail, it seemed Goten was used to sleeping with his cuddly toys and decided his tail was a good substitute.

Suddenly Vegeta broke the peaceful silence. "So what are you going to do about the brat?" He pointed to Goku's lap where Goten was still sleeping contently.

"What do you mean?" Goku winced again as Chi's foot stamped loudly on the floor; it was loud enough to make the sleeping child stir but not enough to wake him entirely. She held her hands at her hips and leant forward to begin her tirade of yelling but the look on Vegeta's face forced her to stay calm. "Well, he's staying with me of course. I've already lost one son so I'll be damned if I lose another."

"Gohan's not dead you bitch!"

"Vegeta!" Goku snapped. God, he knew how angry Vegeta must be feeling but did he have to stoop to insulting people like that, he was hardly making it easy for everyone! If he kept resorting to swearing and threats Chi could just argue that Vegeta was equally as violent as she was, and what would happen then?

Luckily Vegeta seemed to calm down and Chi seemed to ignore it as a usual royal, temper tantrum. "Vegeta, don't insult me, do I insult you? Besides, I know he isn't dead but he nearly died! I nearly lost him for good! Do you know how hard it is to nearly lose a child or how devastating it is for them to leave you when they need you the most?" He seemed stunned by this so she smiled and carried on. "I thought not."

"You ought to keep that mouth of your shut, you have no idea what you're talking about. I was ripped from my parents when I was five and forced to be practically a slave on Freeza's ship, so I know what it's like to have a child leave when they're not ready, and my best friend Raditz was ready to give birth when the father found out and ripped the child from his body and killed it, so yes, I know what it's like to lose a child too."

Wait. Did he just hear this right? Vegeta just said that it was Raditz who lost the child, right? That was his brother! Damn, why didn't 'Geta tell him about this? Goku could only stare at him in total shock and horror at what he just heard and Chi could only stand there in shock and annoyance that she'd been beaten at her own game.

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "I don't plan on taking the brat from you, he needs you and I admit that, but what's stopping you from abusing him like you did to Goku?"

"What! I love my son -."

"You loved Goku too, didn't stop you then."

They both fell quiet again and both pairs of yes fell onto Goten, he had a smile on his face and was obviously dreaming of something pleasant, he squirmed slightly and yawned despite already being asleep. He looked so innocent and sweet it was hard to think that they were arguing over him.

"How about this," Vegeta started. "You have the brat weekdays and Goku has him weekends. That way seems fair enough and if one scratch, one bruise or even one tear comes from him then I'll take you to court myself, and we both know you'll lose."

"Don't you dare threaten me!" She snapped. "Fine, I'll agree to your stupid idea, but likewise if Goten comes home with any bad ideas, any swear words or any inappropriate material from you, Goku will never see him again and I'll make sure of it."

Vegeta growled and finally offered a nod in response.

With a heavy sigh Goku smiled and looked at the two of them, it had gone much better than he thought and he was pleased, but still – he wished they didn't have to resort to threatening each other, but Chi had always been a control freak and Vegeta had always been used to resorting to violence. At least things were looking up, but he still was waiting for the inevitable to happen; after all there was still the baby to be born, Chi would soon complain about Gohan and Piccolo's relationship and no doubt Vegeta would end up trying to kill Trunks before the week was over because of his childish pranks.

Still, at least it was all good for now . . .


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

_A/N: Apologies on the lateness of the update. I'm hoping to have the next chapter up shortly but the thing is I've lost my plan so I'm not sure what was supposed to happen, so I might need some extra time to rewrite a plan (that's also why this chapter's mostly improvisation, so I hope that it's okay)._

Okay, he couldn't still be doing it, could he? After all, not even Goku could be that annoying, and no one could stare at another person for over an hour without developing insanity or sheer boredom. No. He was probably watching the television or the kids playing or even Bulma working. Hell, he might even be asleep but no way could he still be staring . . .

With slight trepidation Vegeta opened his tired eyes.

Goku was simply sitting peacefully in the large leather armchair of one of the many living rooms of Capsule Corps, his whole body seemed relaxed and casual as his legs trailed over the arm and his arms crossed behind his head as he yawned. He looked so child-like right then, but he still held the same subtle beauty that Vegeta had grown to love. He seemed to be refreshed from his long nap and content just sitting there, but his eyes – his eyes were cold, empty and void of emotion.

They weren't the eyes of the Saiyan who sacrificed his life to destroy his evil brother, or who fought against Freeza to save a planet or the same man who Vegeta had fell in love with.

They were the eyes of a Saiyan warrior and they were staring right at him, perhaps even through him.

Vegeta shuddered.

So for over an hour he really hadn't broken his glare once? Great, he'd never seen the man so furious or upset before, what was he meant to do? He couldn't console him unless he knew what he had done wrong, and he seemed fine (well within reason) at Chi's, so why was he suddenly acting like this for?

Sighing deeply he shifted in his seat, it was hard to get comfortable when you're every move is being watched and monitored, trying to ignore the constant looks he decided to shift his attentions to the rest of the room. He could make out Goten and Trunks across the room huddled over a desk, arguing about their homework and trying to work out a plan to sneak out to the arcade with no one noticing, and then there was Gohan reading alone by the fire, and Bulma and Piccolo were engaged in conversation by the doorway.

Everyone was acting so normal, so relaxed, so happy.

It was just an ordinary day and everyday life for everyone here, and if he thought about it long enough he'd have to admit too that perhaps it was just a typical morning. The sun outside was burning bright and he could feel it warming his arm as the rays shone through the windows, and not a single cloud was the sky to obstruct his view of the atmosphere. So why was Goku the only one not enjoying himself? Why was his usual perky demeanour suddenly cold and aloof? Above all else, why was he staring at Vegeta like this?

God damn it!

This was starting to get really, really frustrating! His hand moved over his stomach gently as he sensed the new ki coming from inside, it was reassuring but not enough to ease his paranoia and curiosity. Goku loved him, right? So why was he glaring at him like this? It wouldn't be so bad but at the minute Vegeta couldn't even sense anything through their bond, so either Goku had learnt to control it (which wasn't likely) or he was just plain weak from the cub stealing his energy.

He stole a glance to his left and saw that the person who was previously staring at him still was. This was too much! If he had something to say why didn't he just say it? Only a weakling, two-faced coward would hide what they felt like this, anyone in their right mind would stop being so childish and get everything off their chest, even Trunks was more mature than this!

"What!" Vegeta snapped.

"Huh?" Goku gazed at him with bright eyes, the former fire had become extinguished and he seemed much like his usual loving self again. He gave a bright smile and scratched at his neck nervously. "What do you mean 'what'?"

"What the Hell are you staring at, Kakarott?"

He watched as Goku jumped slightly, as if he wasn't expecting anyone to notice his rather obvious staring, but then just as soon as the shock flooded his system it went and pain, despair and disappointment replaced it and covered his face. He gazed at the floor uncertainly with his eyes clouded over yet still bright and alive.

"Goku, what's wrong? Have I done something to upset you?"

"Well, yeah! You have actually 'Geta."

"Are you going to tell me what it is or will you just stare at me some more and give me the silent treatment? I might as well be back on Planet Vegeta with the attitude you're giving me."

He gave a soft sigh and glanced at Vegeta with a mixture of annoyance and pain. He would have assumed the reason he was so upset was pretty obvious, I mean, any normal person would have known what was wrong, right?

"'Geta. I know when you were throwing those flowers the other day it was because your friend lost their child, you trusted me enough to tell me that and I was pretty grateful, it's nice that you can trust me I mean. It's just though that when we were at Chi-Chi's you said that it was Raditz that happened to. My brother! Were – were you just lying or got the names mixed up or something, or as that really my brother that lost the child to Freeza?"

Vegeta grunted. He waited till now to ask him this? They'd been back home all day, plenty of opportunities to talk or to listen to one another, why the Hell did he wait till now to decide to ask Vegeta about things? He spent about half the day sleeping and then an hour simply staring at him, he could have brought this up at any time, why wait until they were in a room with their families?

Not that anyone was listening of course; they all had more important things to deal with. Whether it was the boys with their homework, or Bulma trying to ask Piccolo a bunch of questions about his relationship with Gohan before her baby daughter cried for attention, they all had things to do and deal with. But even though none of them were really interested in what was happening, if Goku got upset or angry they would turn their attentions to the two of them. Goku was bound to get angry, wasn't he? What would he do when they all began to stop what they were doing and focus on him?

"Yes, it was Raditz."

"What?" Goku simply went back to staring at Vegeta, but this time with a look of disgust that made Vegeta want to reach for the blade one more time. The look on his face just made him feel total guilt and pain, did he do something wrong? No. So if Goku wanted to hate him for this then let him, he'd either stay regardless or leave him and prove that Vegeta was doomed to be alone forever. "Why the hell didn't you tell me? You had to leave it till then to spring it on me? God 'Geta, that was hardly an appropriate time to let me know!"

"Goku, keep your voice down, the others will end up coming over else. I didn't mean to let Raditz name slip then, I had no intentions of you ever finding out so it wasn't as if I let you know on purpose, I'm sorry for you finding out that way."

"What do you mean? You were never going to tell me?"

"No, I wasn't Goku. Raditz swore Nappa and I to secrecy, he wished for no one to ever know and no one ever did, I planned on respecting his wishes – especially now that our home planet is back and your family that have been brought back could find out. Besides, things were never that simple – there were complications and unforeseen events, things that happened afterwards that made the whole topic much more impossible to deal with than it should have been."

"I don't understand, how could things be any worse than what they were? How complicated could they get! It seems pretty simple to me."

"Does it really matter? Even if I could I wouldn't tell you, why unnecessarily upset you about the past and the brother who you were forced to betray?"

"Because I have a right to know, 'Geta!" Goku shook his head violently, there were tears in his eyes but his face was a mask of hundreds of emotions, it was impossible to tell what was going on in his mind or heart. Through the bond all Vegeta could pick up was a mixture of feelings of betrayal and confusion. "He was my brother, my brother! I had a right to know all of that."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah,"

"I mean it Goku, I really am."

Giving a bright smile he stood up and walked across to the sofa that Vegeta was lying on, his eyes were still full of tears but they were full of love and respect, lying down by Vegeta he hugged him tightly and sighed. He could feel Vegeta inevtiably warm and relax against him. "Yeah, I know. Forget about it, okay? I don't want to think about it – but promise me, if there's anything more to this story that I need to know you'll tell me?"

"I promise, but there's nothing you need to know. There is much more to the story but nothing that you need worry about." He could feel Goku smile as he nuzzled against his neck and rolled his eyes, he didn't mind that he was so sentimental but just two minutes ago he was furious with him, he changed his emotions more than the changing of the seasons.

Goku glanced across the room to Trunks, Goten and Gohan and gave a soft laugh, it confused Vegeta a little but not that he'd admit to it. It was then he felt Goku's hand running over his stomach and relaxed a little.

"So Vegeta! Which one of us is going to tell them about their new baby brother or sister?"

"You spent the last hour angry at me and now you're feeling great and want to tell them all about what's going on with us?" He placed his hand on Goku's and held him gently.

"I wasn't angry at you! I love you, I was just upset you never told me the truth that's all, but anyway I was just asking because they have a right to know after all, I mean Bulma and Chi already know, and my guess is that Piccolo does because he'd a genius at sensing ki. So you want to tell them?"

"Hell no! I had to tell them we were dating, you can tell them this."

"Okay then fine." Goku laughed.

After a few moments of silence Vegeta turned around to face Goku, who was simply lying still with eyes closed and a warm smile on his face. The great, big baka couldn't be asleep could he? Damn it! He just made a deal about telling people and now he was sleeping?

"Kakarott! I thought you wanted to tell them?"

"Yeah, but it's nice just lying here with you. Can I tell them later?"

"Sure." Vegeta gave a smile before relaxing into Goku's embrace. A little longer wouldn't make a difference, right?


	19. Chapter 19

**Authors Note**: Sincerely sorry for the lack of updates; the story isn't discontinued and will be updated (though admittedly as not as often as I'd like). Also apologises for quality of the chapter, unfortunately there was a time limit on when I could write and I'd promised to have the chapter up today so wasn't time for much editing, lol. All comments welcome and thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far.

**Chapter Nineteen**

Damn it; if this was the most natural thing in the world then why did it feel so wrong?

Why was it the thought of telling Goten and Trunks the truth terrified him, they had a right to know about the new cub after all, but still, each time it came to telling them all he could remember was the look on Goten's face when he found out he was dating Goku, and the urge to tell them the truth suddenly disappeared . . . He just couldn't put Goten through that pain again, sure he hated the brat but not enough to purposely hurt him!

It wasn't just that though, was it? He could perhaps cope with the worry over telling Goten, but what he couldn't cope with was the feeling of utter defeat, the fact then each time he thought ahead to the day the baby would be born his heart broke in unexplainable fear – surely for any parent to be that was the most disgusting feeling to have, wasn't one meant to feel overwhelming love and need, a parental instinct? Damn it, why couldn't he feel that? _Why couldn't he just be happy_?

It was times like this that the blade in his hand was much more reassuring than he ever thought possible. He didn't even need to cut, merely simply hold the metal within his grasp and at once he felt that tug of relief, that knowing thought that if he needed it then the option was there; just feeling the cold metal rolling from finger to finger, the chilling touch warming to skin temperature in his hold . . . it was perhaps a pointless exercise but for some reason oddly comforting.

Silently the wind blew through the open window, the cold breeze shifting the curtains and allowing the warm touch of the morning sun to caress his skin. As Vegeta's hand instinctively shifted to cover his eyes from the light he smirked to himself, it was nice weather really for a bad day, and the natural heat was almost relaxing – _almost _being the key word that was.

God, why was he feeling like this? Why now?

He had so many good things in his life, Goku of course being the most important, and now he was feeling _bad_? What kind of monster was he? It was like that old void had swollen him whole once again, pulling him down into its dark recesses with that familiar feeling of self-hate and depression, as if some hideous creature had grabbed him within its claws leaving him unable to escape – all it'd take was just one cut! Just one to make it all better!

Sighing he sat up on the edge of the bed, alone for the first time this week, it wasn't as relaxing or soothing as he thought, in fact every minute longer he spent by himself was a minute more his body craved for some sort of contact, a minute more where he just needed to be with someone – it was so frustrating! The Saiyan Prince actually disliking solitude! Damn it, it was only a week ago that they'd spoken to Chi and sorted the arrangements with Goten, and so far that was going great. He'd admitted to the whole scenario with Radditz (though admittedly he'd omitted the most important part) and Goku had forgiven him, and they'd decided to tell Goten and Trunks about the baby, though they still had yet to do that. For the last week life had been great, and yet why did he feel worse now than he did then?

He jumped as the door knocked. Apparently the damned cub must have been taking up a lot of ki if he couldn't sense someone walking to the bedroom . . .

"Enter." He snapped.

Slowly the door swung open; with the same amount of trepidation the door seemed to embody Gohan carefully stepped forward. He was wearing the same sad smile he'd for a while had now, though since his time with Piccolo it'd gradually became more sincere, but within his eyes could be seen that hint of desperation and suicidal self-loathing still echoing through him, in a way only Vegeta seemed to notice – maybe that Human saying was true, 'takes one to know one.' Maybe just for the fact Vegeta knew how he felt he was the only one who could recognise it.

"Hey Vegeta," His voice sounded happy enough . . .

"What do you want brat?"

"Not much; dad wants to tell Trunks and Goten about the whole new baby thing but Bulma insisted you be there when he does, I thought I'd come let you know, you know?" He laughed slightly and nervously, enough so that it was obvious something was wrong, "You okay? You're holding that blade like you intend to use it."

Glancing into his hand Vegeta smiled and nodded; he hadn't really realised it but he actually _did_ intend to us it, the thought never really consciously occurred to him really, but truthfully what other reason did he have to hold the metal unless pressing it into his flesh was an option? Why else would his instincts tell him to pick the blade up, why else would he trace it over his old scars, and why else would even just the thought of pressing down make him feel relieved? Damn it, he couldn't cut, not now, not with the new cub, or Goku or even just for the principle of the thing . . . He just couldn't!

Shoving it into his pocket he watched as Gohan shifted from foot to foot by the door, leaving his sleeves for once as opposed to constantly pulling at them, but staring at the floor in a way that screamed for attention.

What had the brat done this time?

"I'm fine Gohan."

"You don't look it, Vegeta."

"I'm fine." He said firmly. After a few moments he nodded to Gohan with an all-knowing look, his eyes narrowed into a dangerous yet curious glare, "I can't say you look too good though. The way you're hopping from foot to foot and biting your lip like that makes me want to kill you, was that the only reason you wanted to see me, to tell me that Kakarott was ready to tell the brats about the new cub?"

"No . . .I wanted to ask you something actually."

"I haven't time for mindless chat. Couldn't you ask Bulma or Goku?"

"Ah, well you see," Giving that same laugh he gave before Vegeta stood gently, holding his stomach lightly as the new ki warmed his hand, why did he have the feeling this was going to be a long day? It was already proving to be frustrating just having Gohan stand there, and now he chose to be nervous and shy? Sometime he swore the kid practised at being annoying . . . Walking over to Gohan he gave a suspicious stare. The boy was just way to jumpy nowadays, "I was just going to ask about you and dad – err, like . . . I was wondering . . . how did you know you were in love?"

"Love?"

"Err, yeah. You two are in love, right? So, you know . . .?"

This was just _too _humorous for words, after all it was beyond obvious there was _some _reason for the question, like the way his cheeks burnt red and his hand scratched his neck in the same pose that Goku did when he was scared or tense, the way he stared with a half-grin, the way he shifted back and forth whilst trying to appear nonchalant . . . For God's sake, this kid was as good at keeping secrets as Goku was as good as staying out of the refrigerator! The whole issue of self-harm was obvious from the start, and as was this too, and as no one had noticed the self-harm it was very likely no one noticed this either – were they all blind?

"Why, are _you_ in love boy?"

"What! No, of course not! I was just wondering that's all, Vegeta!"

"Then what does it matter? Don't you have better things to do than bug me with your sentimental nonsense?"

"No – yes -! But - but Vegeta, it's -!" After a long pause and a sigh of exasperation Gohan gave in, "Never mind."

"Well," Vegeta said with a smirk, "If it's as important as it seems to be then you could always ask someone else; Bulma is good to talk to . . . or maybe Piccolo."

"No Vegeta! It doesn't matter!"

"Whatever you say boy."

"Well anyway, why do _you _look so glum?"

Suddenly he froze. It didn't seem to matter he was so close to the door, so close to leaving the bedroom for the living room, or even that the stupid question _should _have meant _nothing _to him – he froze. It was like he'd been asked to reveal his whole life history, every last secret and every last thing about his being . . . the question meant so much for just a few simple words, words said in a tone that meant 'for god's sake, cheer up!' rather than a genuine need to know. So why couldn't he stop his heart racing, why was his hand reaching for the blade in his pocket, the one thing that could easily make it all better?

"I don't know what you mean, Gohan."

"Yeah you do! You shouldn't keep everything bottled up like this, it's not healthy, and you should just come out and say how you feel and what's bothering you -."

"The way you did about the whole 'love' issue?"

Snapping his mouth shut Gohan frowned. "Fine. Don't tell me."

"I don't plan to."

"Good!"

"Yes . . . good."

The awkward silence that followed did little to help the situation, with both staring at the other with a mixture of anger and confusion, after all for Vegeta to be upset something had to be seriously wrong, and likewise for Gohan to be so cheerful all of a sudden then something had to be very right; however with neither willing to talk what could be done? With a sigh Gohan shook his head and watched Vegeta carefully for any signs that he might want to talk, but the only sign he got was that of Goku suddenly turning round the corner and heading straight for them.

Sensing the ki Vegeta turned around, and without meaning to smiled.

How was it Goku managed to brighten any scenario without meaning to? Just that inane grin or that over-the-top optimism, it just seemed to seep into everyone around him and rub off on them like a bad smell – without wanting to, or without thinking, just one second of seeing Kakarott and you felt uplifted. Folding his arms tightly Vegeta stared at the floor nervously.

"Hey guys!" Goku chirped, "What's up?"

"Gohan's in love," Vegeta said with a devilish smirk – hopefully distracting the attention away from himself would stop Goku from sensing the pain through his bond.

"Oh yeah, well Vegeta is morbidly depressed!"

"Okay then . . ." Scratching nervously at his neck Goku forced the best grin he could muster, this was obviously going to be a long conversation, and one he hadn't really expected . . . "Well I only came up here to see what was taking you guys so long, it's really about time we told Trunks and Goten what's going on. I guess that can wait though . . . Well I kind of know about Gohan -."

"You do?"

"Obviously," Goku laughed, "So why don't we start with Vegeta! Are you okay?"

"Fine Kakarott," Though the tone in his voice told a different story. It wasn't often that the Prince was at a loss for words; it wasn't often that he'd stare at the ground in silence without shouting back or chastising Goku for his stupidity, so clearly something was wrong. Problem was; what was it?

"Err, Gohan?" Goku chirped, "Mind giving us some room for a minute?"

"Yeah, sure dad! I'll be downstairs with the boys when you're both done."

"Thanks."

He waited until Gohan left to speak or act, after all Vegeta was still pretty uptight about his privacy and it wasn't often he'd even talk to Goku, so if he thought for a moment someone else was near he'd refuse to talk entirely – still, everything was okay, wasn't it?

With a sigh he reached out for Vegeta's shoulder, his hand touching him only slightly, so slightly he could barely feel the other man, yet even that slight touch caused Vegeta to shrug away, so pull back like he'd been touched by something contaminated and ugly. In that instant he could feel his heart break; he couldn't remember once Vegeta ever pulling away from him, at least over something trivial, so did that mean -? He'd really thought Vegeta was doing okay! After all Chi wasn't speaking to Goku anymore and Goten seemed fine with what was going on around him, Gohan was better too and Bulma said Vegeta and the cub were fine, Trunks was happy and . . . had he done something to upset him? Hurt him in some way? Surely if that was the case Vegeta would have told him, right?

"It's not you Goku."

Laughing slightly he nodded; he always forgot about the bond and at times like this it just seemed all the stronger, like it was easier for Vegeta to know what he was thinking, it was a little worrying but it was good when words failed them and they could still know what the other felt or needed, well at least Vegeta could, he still had to figure out how it al worked . . .

Looking into Vegeta's eyes he was glad to see that the other wasn't as depressed as Gohan made out, those obsidian orbs seemed void of rage or sorrow but more . . . worried. It was hard to figure out what was worse – a worried Vegeta or a sad one.

"I'm just nervous Kakarott, for a start we don't know how Goten's going to react to all of this, what if he hates me like he did when he found out we were seeing each other? That broke his heart, what if he takes this badly too? Then there's raising this new brat, what if something goes wrong or we're bad parents, it was always Bulma raising Trunks and I never really did much except teach him to fight, but this will be different, what if I do something wrong or mess up?"

"Hey, relax, it's alright."

"How can you say that, Kakarott?"

"Easily."

With a soft smile he pulled Vegeta into a warm hug, letting his arms wrap around the smaller body and his hands rest on his tense back, rubbing at his muscles softly to try and relax Vegeta he leant his head onto the shoulder beneath him. It took a few minutes for Vegeta to relax, and a few more before the hug was returned in Vegeta's usual emotionless way – at least he was feeling a bit better at least, right? Breathing in Vegeta's scent he let his hand wander up to stroke his hair, trying his best to reassure him as best as he could, still smiling despite it all, and eventually Vegeta seemed to melt into him in a rather calming way.

Just how long had Vegeta felt like this? He'd never known that he was under so much stress, never known he felt so worried or so scared; was this normal or just Vegeta's personal demons playing up? Maybe it was all the hormones? Damn, if he had known sooner then he would have done something to help, whatever Vegeta needed he'd have done it! He would have done anything to make Vegeta feel better; he loved him, if he'd have known sooner . . .

"Geta?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't know if this helps but I'm sure it'll be fine. I mean Goten's a good kid and he likes you a lot, even if he does get upset he's young and he'll get over it, and besides, I've seen you with Trunks, with Goten, and with Gohan, and I know for a fact you'll be a great parent. You already are!"

"Thank you, Goku."

"You know we have to tell them right, we can't stand here holding each other forever?" He felt Vegeta tense again and then relax with a long sigh, smiling he kissed the top of his head and pulled him over to the staircase. "Come on, it won't be that bad."

"It better not be." He growled.

Laughing Goku grinned, "Trust me!"

If he didn't know any better he swore he could have heard Vegeta mumble something like, 'Last time I did that we ended up expecting a cub.' However the comment just made him laugh more, it probably would just add to Vegeta's frustrations but he'd forgive him eventually! Besides Vegeta had a point and Goku couldn't let him know that, could he? Hopefully everything would be fine, but one step at a time, first they had to tell the boys what was going on, but that should be fine . . . hopefully!


	20. Chapter 20: Side Story

**Chapter Twenty: Gohan/Piccolo**

**A/N**: This was originally going to be a side-story but I thought, 'what the hell – it might as well be an actual chapter'; I was inspired to do this by one of the reviews asking for more Gohan/Piccolo, so guess what, this chapter is all Gohan/Piccolo, lol. I'll try and get back to the actual plot of Vegeta/Goku soon though, so no worries.

Anyway I've not written any fanfictions in a long while, especially those with questionable content, so hope it turns out okay!

**Warning**: Yaoi, lemon, a few uses of swearing.

* * *

Damn, why couldn't he stop his heart from racing?

This was stupid – he couldn't exactly confess his feelings, right? After all they'd been mentor and pupil for so long, friends for years, one word now and that might be ruined, and they might never have the same relationship again! What was worse was what if Piccolo was disgusted with him? Namekians' hardly had the same outlook to relationships and sex after all. Then again Piccolo didn't seem to have a problem with Vegeta or Goku – well aside from the fact he hated Vegeta obviously – so why would he have a problem with who Gohan liked?

No, he should try and stay positive! After all Piccolo _might _just as equally say yes, he might think of Gohan in the same way and want the same things, and if Vegeta was able to guess how he felt then surely Piccolo would know too? Hell, even Goku was able to guess the fact he was in love! Or at least thought he was . . .

Still, he was just out from hospital, they'd just found out about his self-harm and his obvious suicide attempt, then with the problems at home with Chi-Chi and the fact that Goku was telling everyone about Vegeta's cub even as he stood here, there was no way Piccolo would pursue a relationship with him even if he wanted one. It wouldn't be right for the Namekian. Piccolo was a lone wolf, the sort of guy to train alone and feel nothing for others, and the fact Gohan was the only person to get so close to him meant Piccolo would treasure him more, he'd feel like he was pressuring him if they started something now. Damn it! Why was this all so confusing?

"Gohan? What are you doing here?"

Jumping he looked up only to find the object of his thoughts wandering over Kami's Lookout to his direction. He could feel himself blushing right away mostly, from the embarrassment of what he'd just been thinking, partly from the fact he knew what he was about to say and damned the consequences.

Swallowing nervously he scratched at his neck and made a nervous sound with his throat; "Heh, well I'm – err – it's like . . . I was watching the boys for dad and he came down to talk to them, you know? To – err – tell them about the cub. I already knew what he was about to tell them so I – I came to see you. . ."

"Why would you do that?"

"Well! You're my mentor and friend! I thought it'd be nice to visit. . ."

"Is that all?"

"Ye – yeah, of course it is!"

Piccolo looked him over suspiciously. There was something about how the boy was acting, so unusually shy and nervous, it made him doubt what he was hearing. It was obvious things had changed between them recently, Gohan clinging to Piccolo like a shadow and all, but such changes could have been due to numerous reasons, not including the recent suicide attempt and need for comfort. It hurt him that his charge could keep something so secret from him, something that was obviously worrying him, after all Piccolo couldn't even begin to explain his feelings for Gohan and to see the boy so hurt, so alone in his problems. . . it was murder.

Without a word he turned his back and looked over to main building on the Lookout, it's white walls glowing serenely in the bright sunlight, the hot sun warmed his green skin in a rather calming way almost making him forget his own worries.

"Follow me Gohan, we need to talk."

"What about?"

"I think you know what," Turning his head he locked eyes with Gohan and gave an almost sincere smile, "Don't worry so much."

"Sure, easy for you to say Big Green!"

The laugh that escaped his lips was oddly comforting; it was a deep yet melodious sound, somewhat reminiscent of Goku yet uniquely belonging to Gohan, it made something stir within Piccolo but what he didn't know – or at least wish to acknowledge – but the feeling that something within Gohan had become happier, more content was music to his ears. What was it that Piccolo was feeling? What was it stirring within him that he'd been feeling for so long?

Growling to himself he shook his head as he walked away with Gohan following. For crying out loud, the kid was affecting him in more ways than one, ever since the day they first met he'd becoming more and more sentimental by the day and now -? Now he was stuck wondering why he felt so happy when Gohan suddenly appeared, why he felt so calm when they were side-by-side, and why he felt so empty when he was gone. What were these emotions? Was it mere attachment? Or was it something more – was it love?

How foolish.

What if it was love? Gohan was many years his junior and an attractive Human, he could have any being he so desired, what would make him choose Piccolo? Especially when he doubted his own feelings, lacked an understanding of what he felt let alone for the boy?

After a few moments of awkward silence Piccolo had led them to his own bedroom; it was the only place guaranteed of total silence and no disruptions, the room itself was bare with only the most necessary of furniture and a window that overlooked the whole of the Lookout and thus the blue skies and shimmering sun. The view alone awed Gohan as he entered but it wasn't until he turned and saw Piccolo – standing confidently with arms folded against a broad chest – that he realised just what he was about to say and where he was. Man this was going to be awkward!

Sitting on the bed Gohan began fidgeting with his hands nervously, and when Piccolo came over to him and stood only a few inches away he began to fidget even more, if he were to look up right at eye-level would be Piccolo's -. No! He'd just have to keep his eyes downward; he couldn't be distracted right now, no way!

"So Gohan? You want to tell me why you're behaviour's so odd? Why the sudden visit? It's not like you."

"It's – it's complicated Piccolo. I did ask Vegeta for some advice but he just made fun of me –."

Piccolo grunted. "You should have asked me instead of that monkey prince."

"That's the thing! I couldn't ask you!"

"Don't you trust me?"

That stung.

How could Piccolo think that? He meant the world to Gohan! He was his idol, his hero, his friend, his mentor, his love -! To him Piccolo was everything a perfect person should be; he had the body that was flawless, the smarts to nearly rival Bulma, the personality to rival any of the Z fighters. Piccolo was always there for him, always, he was willing to trust his entire life to him if need be! The fact he could think Gohan didn't trust him was painful; it was like he'd taken a knife and cut his own friend, like he'd willingly inflicted pain on another. . .

"I do trust you, Piccolo!"

"Then why couldn't you tell me whatever it is?"

"Because – because it's about _you_."

Piccolo froze. Him?

Gohan was blushing wildly now and if possibly sinking further down so his hands were ever closer to his face, he was sitting precariously on the edge of the bed so that one movement and he may fall off altogether. Whatever it was he had to ask advice about Piccolo for it couldn't be good . . . why such a reaction else? Had Piccolo done something to offend the man before him, had he hurt him in some way? No – if he had then why the blush? Why would Gohan be the one to be embarrassed?

Unless -. . . No, it wasn't realistic; no way could it be true, could it?

"Piccolo, I – I'm in love with you."

He stood in complete silence for a long moment.

Had he just heard right? Gohan was in love with him? That was impossible! He knew that Gohan was acting oddly recently but because he was in love? With Piccolo nonetheless! It was odd, Piccolo had long ago given up on the idea of love, if he ever wished to carry on his line he could produce his own child, his species was typically asexual, although he could reproduce and fall in love with another it never seemed to happen. . . Sure he found himself feeling more and more for Gohan but he never had a word for those feelings, never thought Gohan might feel anything similar back!

He must have been quiet for too long because suddenly Gohan was babbling; "I'm sorry! It's just I've felt this way for so long and – and the feeling keeps getting stronger! When I was in hospital and I first woke up all I could think was 'what have I put Piccolo through?' I didn't even think about my brother or parents, just you! Then everyday during my training with pops I just wanted to train with you, when I hung out with Sharpener I wanted to hang out with you, when I was on a date with Videl -!"

"Gohan, be quiet a moment."

"I just wanted you to know it's not a crush or a sudden thing! I've felt this was for so long, and I -."

Suddenly he felt a crush of lips against his own.

Jumping in shock he opened his wide to see Piccolo against him, both hands pressed on the bed either side of Gohan and his lips moving wildly against his own; the touch of lips on his was warm and comforting, hot and tender. It felt so right, like he'd been waiting his whole life for this one moment. Did this mean Piccolo felt the same?

Before he could form his thoughts into another coherent sentence he felt his lips part as Piccolo's warm tongue invaded his mouth, exploring him as the kiss deepened and a low moan escaped from Gohan. Moving his own tongue into action the two battled for dominance until Gohan gave up and let Piccolo take control, Piccolo's hand moving from his side to trail along his back and rest on his neck, cupping his head backwards to deepen the kiss.

Then as quick as it started he moved back.

Both men left gasping for breath with a pink flush washing their cheeks; Gohan was the first to recover as he touched his bruised lips gently and gazed lustfully at his mentor, it felt so amazing and at the same time so unreal.

"You feel the same way?" He panted out.

"I won't lie to you," Piccolo said, climbing onto the bed so that Gohan was forced to move up and lie against it as Piccolo towered over him on all fours, "I'm not sure what I feel. I just know Gohan that out of everyone I've ever met you're the only one who's made me feel this way. I crave you when you're not here and dream about you when you're gone, when you're here it's all I can do not to touch you, hold you, whisper what you want to hear. If that's love then yes, I love you."

"Piccolo," Gohan whispered, reaching up to stroke the soft green skin under his fingertips, trailing his hands along the flushed cheek and solid neck to the toned muscles of the chest beneath, "Show me. Show me please; show me that you love me."

It was all Piccolo needed to hear.

Instantly his lips crashed against Gohan's, the passion running through them higher than before as his hands encircled Piccolo's waist before running up the muscles of his back, warming the cool skin with his own. It was strange for Piccolo, this should have felt like it was moving too fast but it didn't, they'd known each other for years and felt this way for so long, instead it felt _right. _

He could feel Gohan's hands exploring every inch of his clothed body within reach; soft caresses on his shoulders, forceful kneading on his buttocks, it was madly arousing to have the touch of another on his skin, to have his body pressed flush against Gohan's as he almost writhed on the bed with his mouth locked to Piccolo's. Time seemed to stand still as his body soared with a newfound heat and a desperate need; his own hands trailed up Gohan's chest between their bodies and began to tear into his clothes, ripping them as he pulled the shirt up over Gohan's panting frame.

Gohan moaned as they were forced to break the kiss, his arms now high above his head as his shirt rubbed against his overly-sensitive flesh, his hair mussed slightly from the movement. He gazed up at Piccolo with need, his lips parted and flushed.

As Piccolo sat up to admire the sculpted chest beneath him he ground their arousals against each other, causing them both to let out feral groans of need and desire. Gohan was now sitting up as he began to kiss Piccolo passionately, his hands ridding all the upper clothing from his new lover as quickly as he could, breaking the kiss as little as need be. He could feel his erection throbbing in the confines of his trouser, the head pressing against Piccolo's thigh through the fabric as a small wet spot began to stain them. Pressing their chests together, feeling the other's heartbeat, the sheens of sweat merging together, it was almost too much.

Gently Piccolo pressed him back down against the bed, this time trailing the lips and tongue over the sensitive skin of his neck, treasuring each sweet inch and allowing gentle pressure as his teeth grazed over the tendons.

"Piccolo. . ." Gohan gasped.

Smiling Piccolo went lower. Licking a long line down the muscles of his chest until he reached the small nipple, then taking it into his mouth he began to suck and bite it into life, causing rivers of pleasure to trickle down Gohan's spine. Groaning he arched his back and let out a long moan as Piccolo's hand trailed up to rub and pinch the neglected nipple. His other hand snaking lower until it rested at the hem of his trousers. Just when he felt he couldn't take anymore the pleasure stopped, the hands were off him and instead Piccolo's face was hovering above his own, so close he could feel the warm breath on his cheek.

Stroking his side lightly Piccolo gave a small smile, his blush now covering most of his body rather than just his face, his own member crying for attention in the same way Gohan's wept and ached.

"Gohan . . ." He gasped, "Are you sure you want this? Are you sure this isn't too fast for you?"

"Piccolo," Smiling he pushed his hand down his lover's chest all along to the bulge in his trousers, then with a devilish smirk cupped his rigid length through the material lightly, then applying pressure ground his hand against it. Piccolo let out a howling cry and thrust into the warmth of the hand, desperate for some skin-to-skin contact, "I know what I want. I love you; as long as it's you I'm doing this with I'll be fine. Please, just take me."

"Are you sure?"

Squeezing again, this time harder, he pressed his lips against Piccolo's and smiled; "I'm sure. _Please _Piccolo."

Well he'd done the right thing, he'd made sure it was okay with Gohan and even gave him a chance to quit before it was too late, but now he was sure this was fine he knew he wouldn't be able to stop. Gohan looked so delectable lying under him on the soft covers of the bed, chest exposed and eyes dilated, sweat pouring and skin crimson, he was just begging to be taken, to be ravished and loved.

With one deeper, meaningful kiss Piccolo pulled Gohan's hand away from his crotch and began to peel off the boy's trousers from his body, he had to stop momentarily to remove the boots from his feet, but remembered to plant soft kisses down the muscled legs as he removed the last articles of clothing. Finally Gohan was fully revealed to him.

He looked magnificent.

Every inch of him was a pale, flawless white and his body muscled and toned to perfection, his member was standing rigidly up so it's tip touched at the man's stomach. The small beads of pre-cum gathered at the tip and left a stain on his abdomen; he actually had a good inch or so on Piccolo both in girth and length, but that didn't matter, it wasn't jealously Piccolo felt but pride, pride that this man was the man who was going to be his lover. There was no way he'd let Gohan leave him, no way he'd ever hurt the angel beneath him, he realised in those few moment that this indeed was love.

Bending down he licked from the base of Gohan's member up to the top of his weeping slit, the salty essence of the liquid covering him almost addictive in its taste, then without warning he took the head entirely into his mouth and sank the entire length into his waiting hole. Gohan screamed in pleasure. Piccolo was hardly a natural at this, certainly without practise, but he managed to go right down to the base, his nose prickling against the black pubic hairs. When Gohan thrust he choked a little and pulled back only to start again, his tongue traces patterns along the main vein and under the ridge of the head, finally entering the slit to gain more access to that precious pre-cum.

With his right hand he worked the fastenings of his own trousers and managed to undo the front to free his aching penis, with his left hand he moved it up slowly to Gohan's thigh and massaged lightly before moving to stroke, tug and rub at the large balls at his base. Gohan was writhing and panting like crazy, his body felt hot as an inferno and his mind could no longer form a sentence of any coherence. Damn, it felt so good! So right!

Slowly Piccolo worked a finger free from the balls and traced it over the sensitive skin to the boy's anus; ever so gently he began to rub against that ring of muscle until it loosened enough for him to slip in a finger. At once Gohan tensed and each ring of his anus pressed against his finger with a right pressure, the whole channel throbbing against him with its warmth and uncertainty.

"Relax Gohan; it'll be easier that way."

"No, it'd – it'd be easier if you used some lube first," He gasped as Piccolo resumed his sucking upon his aching penis, "In my trouser pocket – should be hand cream, you can use that."

Groaning Piccolo left his place between Gohan's now spread legs and removed his finger, quickly he fished on the floor and found the hand cream that was mentioned, it made him wonder how Gohan knew about this kind of stuff. How did he know that lube was needed? Had he had sex before, had he been with another man? No, his lover was just smart, he probably knew the theory but never had the practise, but still he couldn't help the pang of jealousy as he poured the lube over his penis in generous amounts.

Before he entered he moved up to bring Gohan into another kiss, his tongue sweeping every inch of his mouth and then with his lubed fingers pushed gently back into that sweet hole, it was much easier this time and Gohan gasped and wrapped his legs around his waist. The sudden movement forced Piccolo's wet cock to brush against the man's buttocks, causing him to moan in pleasure as he inserted another finger into Gohan, scissoring him open. By the time the third finger was in he'd managed to press against that pleasurable button that sent violent tremors of sheer ecstasy through Gohan's body.

Piccolo couldn't take any more.

The soft whimpers, the hoarse moans, the cries of wild bliss that escaped Gohan each time his prostate was pressed was too much – the way he writhed on the sheets and allowed them to tangle and crease around his limbs, the way his hands clung onto Piccolo's shoulder and dug small half-moon crescent into his skin. Damn! His own penis was weeping profusely and if he didn't start soon he might finish before he'd even begun.

Pulling out his fingers Gohan groaned at the loss and thrust back into the air for some release, instead Piccolo held tight to his sides and kept his hips in place as his lover keened and stroked every available inch of skin he could find. Desperately Piccolo needed more, holding his member steady he pressed against Gohan's hole and moaned as his head became swallowed by that first ring of muscle. Fuck! There was no way Gohan could have done this before; he was just too tight, too hot and constricting against his hard flesh!

"Piccolo. . ."

Groaning in pleasure he hooked one of Gohan's legs in the crook of his arm for a better depth, his other hand pressed against the side of his head, then easing himself in he forced his entire length into Gohan. He must have prepared his lover well or at least hit his prostate on the first try, because there wasn't any sign of discomfort on his face, only the arching of his back and his eyes squeezing shut in bliss as his nails raked down Piccolo's back.

Gohan couldn't describe it but the feeling was like heaven! He felt so full, so connected with Piccolo, he could feel every inch of the Namekian inside him as his inside squeezed against him, he could feel each tiny movement and the little thrusts that were given involuntarily. He could see the grimace on Piccolo's face as pleasure coursed through his veins and yet he tried to give time to Gohan to adjust. Every second that passed felt like an eternity as the waves of pleasure spread through to the very fibre of his being, and just when he couldn't take anymore Piccolo suddenly pulled out and thrust deeply back in.

He screamed.

God that felt so good! It was like his head would explode from the sheer pleasure, his heart was beating wildly and sweat was dripping from his body, his hands were gripping whatever part of Piccolo they could purchase as his knuckles turned white and his toes curled. Kami, he never knew this could feel like this! Tightening his legs around Piccolo he thrust into him, waiting for Piccolo to thrust back, and soon they had found a rhythm of their own.

Piccolo growled as Gohan tightened involuntarily around him, his member being sucked of the last of it's pre-cum which was weeping and weeping into Gohan's passage, his thrusting was almost manic now as he banged into his lover trying to keep an aim for that one spot that would make him see stars. He was getting closer, he knew he couldn't hold out for long as his balls ached for release and his body felt like a fire had been lit upon it. Kami! Oh Kami . . .

Suddenly Gohan was screaming at the top of his lungs and when Piccolo looked his cock was spurting its thick white substance all over his stomach and chest, his anal muscles clenched down almost painfully onto Piccolo and tears formed into the corners of his eyes. Nails raked down Piccolo's back drawing blood as Gohan's mouth opened wide as his back bent to the point of snapping, toes grabbing hold of the sheets of the bed bringing them up.

After a few more thrusts Piccolo was right there with Gohan. Exploding in bliss his vision became a hazy white, his heart momentarily stopped and his cum seemed to spurt in torrents that never wanted to end, he was filling Gohan to the brim as he rode out his aftershocks. Gasping for breath as his body fell boneless into a quivering mound of pleasure he collapsed upon his lover, unable to even find the energy to pull himself out.

Five or ten minutes later he rolled over to one side and pulled himself out; Gohan's eyes were already half-closed and his face looking the personification of relaxation, with a blissful smile he rolled over too and nuzzled his face into his mentor's chest, his hand resting over his abdomen as he continued to smile contently.

"That was amazing," He mumbled into the green skin.

Piccolo grunted, "I never knew you were so vocal in bed."

Laughing gently Gohan pulled at one the sheets and covered their two bodies; the touch of the fabric was cool on their sweat-stained skin and made him shiver as the material caressed him lightly. It was such a magic moment, he felt he could lie here forever and be forever content. When Piccolo's arms wrapped around him and he felt the soft kiss on his unruly, black hair he could have died from the sheer overwhelming sensations of peace he felt.

Before he fell off into a deep sleep he could have sworn he heard the words 'I love you' whispered into his ear, the very sound making him beam with warmth and seethe with gratitude. . . .


End file.
